Are you a Compulsive liar? Easy tips on curing yourself of this Addiction:
Who is a compulsive Liar?
First of all I’m no psychologist or hypnotist; I don’t possess any degree in psychology or any suggestive therapy. But having dealt with people of varied disposition and attitude; it will be proper to say that I can from experience lend a tip or two on fighting compulsive lying addiction. In this discussion, we will look at who compulsive liars are, what makes them thick and unbelievable, how they use seemly half-truths and fallacies to survive, what makes them do so, how to take care of people with this disorder and finally how to get to the truth out of them.
What is compulsive lying? From the context of this discourse it can be described as a psychological trauma a person faces in the moments leading to such a person telling the truth, but rather distorts facts and clear cut evidences just to soothe his psyche and sense or reasoning. He is unable to resist the urge to tell lies, and only by doing so will his mood and inner self be satisfied. It can be summarized thus as a condition where an individual increasingly discovers he is unable to repel the sudden impulse or temptation to say things that are not in any way true (lies, technically).
A compulsive liar most of the time is not even aware of what he is doing; he constantly find himself enmeshed in a cloud of lies compelling him to act in a manner that converts lies and deceits into acceptable truths and dogmas. From historical antecedents, we can rightly say that those who find themselves quirked by this psychological distress are those in certain professions, come from a lineage of petty liars and grew up in an environment where lies are categorized into different niches- from white lies, innocent lies, hate and love lies and so on. For this problem, I practically coined an abbreviation ACLS meaning Acute Compulsive Lying Syndrome, I know this might sound funny or even weird, but I will remind you again- I’m no psychologist or agony aunt (AA); but just a regular every day guy across the street with limited skills.
What else can you add that we already know about this brand of liars? Describing the character of persons with this disorder can be quite a task; but I’ll list some of the characteristics or should I call it symptoms of persons suffering from ACLS- Symptoms of a person suffering from this Disorder
- Always finding himself in situations where he needs to tell a lie to satisfy the urge
- Always under pressure with others and with themselves.
- Practically relives every experience and assumes them to be similar to previous ones; and for such an individual he believes every situation should be handled in the same manner as issues he deigned alike.
- Avoids eye contact when confronted on lies, fallacies and deceits he peddled and still peddling; in some cases they can maintain eye contact to the extent that the interrogator could get a little jittery for staring at them (this is one powerful tool used by terrorists, serial killers etc.).
- Uses more lies to cover previously told ones and does so stylishly.
- So sublime and skillful in the art of making others believe him even when such persons knows he is not saying the truth (con artist or grifters fall in this category)
- So complex in behavior and manner.
- Friendly to a fault.
- Carries himself with deceitful candor and questionable demure (whatever that means) ; an attitude he uses in wooing even the hardest of pundits to his side.
- Very intelligent and discerning
- Lives a parallel and delusional life from those who love and care for them (compulsive liars), making it relatively difficult for their loved ones to know who they truly are (practically estranged from their loved ones).
This is how complex and ingenious individuals inflicted with ACLS are, they are so resourceful to the level that they can wriggle free from perceived difficult situations without even knowing how they did it (of course with their lies as weapon ).
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Ask your self
How often do you tell lies
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So how can one cure himself of this?
Before I say anything as regards taking care of this sickness (yes it is sickness), we should take a compulsive lying detector test, and after taking the test can we from this examination proffer solutions or tips to handling this.
- What is your name?
- How old are you?
- Where do you live?
- What type of family did you grow up from?
- Were you molested as a child more often than necessary?
- What kind of neighborhood did you grow up in?
- Do you attend religious meetings and gatherings?
- What kind of job do you do?
Now if you truthfully answered the above questions in no particular order, then that is the first step to recovery. Why must I answer the above questions and how does it help?
It is a well-known fact that factors like job, childhood memories, religious beliefs, environmental influences, iconoclastic ideals and fantasies and other factors not listed here, somehow had their impacts on individuals with this psychological disability.
Let’s look at these issues more figuratively because understanding the effects of these dynamics as they affect persons suffering from this sickness will once again give us a lucid insight to what we are trying to handle here.
The kind of family background and influences one had while growing up will shape the individual into who he is and how he reasons and does things as well.
For a compulsive liar, growing up is not a memory worth recalling; because from study persons with this behavioral defect tend to be victims of child molestation, bullied by a senior and harassed by an adult with great influence and authority within and without the family circles. These adults cajole them into doing things that are rather unsavory and despicable to the sensibilities of others (gang-bangers and territorial thieves fall under this category); and if they try to register some kind of protest, they get beaten, scolded or ruffled. Any individual who had these negative childhood experiences have a tendency of growing up to become a compulsive liar; because for this individual to preserve himself and his pride, he has to accept conditional responsibilities that are bigger for him to cope with or handle so the need to tell certain lies as a survival tactics becomes necessary.
Many kids who grew up in certain neighborhoods where telling lies is a way of living tilt towards becoming liars in the better part of their adult life for mere acceptance by their ‘family ‘(gangs, posse, hood, creep, blood or whatever name these families go by).
For you to accepted as ‘cool ‘in these environs, telling lies to tell your peer, gang or posse is one of the surest ways to achieving that. Those with the traits to live as compulsive liars acquire their profound taste on telling lies after growing up in this kind of vicinities where peer pressure and gang related issues propel such a person into becoming a ‘lying vessel’.
What type of Job do you do?
People who find themselves in jobs were telling lies is one of the specifications of the job tend to unknowingly take these attitude to their private lives and homes. This is most common in politicians, publicists, Public Relations Officers of various firms and organizations, Lawyers, military personnel, spy buffs like those in the CIA, KGB, MOSSAD, M15 and every other job that requires so much intelligence(I mean lies).
Now how can this attitude be checked?
From what I enumerated above, these are the plausible reasons that mold a person into a compulsive lying character. To purge the person of this blight the following tips are recommended;
- Understand that he has a problem: the first solution to any problem is acknowledging it is a problem and should be confronted as such. Taking this bold step opens up the subconscious who through auto-suggestion conditions the mind and body to the situation and also gets the body to automatically set itself to heal from the unfortunate condition.
- Start by answering simple questions: ask spies and those with in-depth military background the importance of understanding situations that require a person to tell lies to survive and they sure will tell you why this skill is necessary. They are highly trained in the art of distorting the truth that passing a polygraph test to them is mere child’s play. For others who are born with this innate trait, it becomes necessary that answering simple truths like your name, age, sex, location, race, eye color, height and more is necessary and the first antidote to this malaise. It is necessary that the individuals psyche and mind be reconditioned into accepting obvious truths and situations that define their personality. Remember, some compulsive liars can even tell you a different name each time you ask them their name to the extent that the fake names they use subconsciously become their real names in reality.
- Pinch yourself when saying things that seem untrue: in the beginning of this discourse, I asserted that most of the people suffering from this problem don’t even know they are infected with the lying syndrome. Now pinching yourself is like a psychological wake up tactic to pull the mind from the depth of lies and falsehood that beclouds the memory of the person forcing him to say things that are false and untrue. This might be simple but this is a powerful tool in your arsenal to fight this addiction, trust me!
- Stop reliving past experiences but always exist in the present: this is the main thing that drives a person to tell lies. Most compulsive liars relive past experiences that are rather unsavory. When related issues and conditions of such nature arise, they are obliged once again to say the same thing they said before to save their skin. But if you really want to help yourself, begin by jugging your memory to recall what, why and how those past issues or reoccurrences happened, then juxtapose those past experiences with the present, make the connections then finally make the disconnections. Now remind yourself that saying the same thing all over again in situations that look similar will only dig up more problems and issues for you. So convince yourself that all the past experiences and situations are unconnected to the present, then take things carefully as they come and say things truthfully and naturally as they appear.
- Reexamine your relationships and influences: most people suffering from this psychological malaise are people whose personal relationships and past influences kind of shaped them into who there currently are (compulsive liars), now for this person to comprehend the power of such individuals and influences in relation to their actions in his life can take the whole gamut. One of the suggestive therapy most professional psychologists will recommend the person to extricate himself from this group of people and things. Doing this will enable the person differentiate between.
- Seek professional assistance: professional assistance is advised when the condition of the individual has gone beyond the self-redemption stage; seeing a professional can help you understand the scope of the problem and the antidote to solving it. Professionals in the field of psychology and sociology who understand the behavioral patterns of different people in relation to some social factors will help such an individual.
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Why you need a professional Psycho-therapists...
Below are some reasons why professional advice is required in some serious cases- 10 reasons why you must seek professional assistance
- Hypnosis therapy: this is the most potent therapeutic practice professional psychologist employ to treat persons afflicted with this syndrome (Acute Compulsive Lying Syndrome) ACLS an acronym I specially coined myself to describe this problem objectively; and it is only the exclusives of psychological therapists who are capable to prescribe and carry out this act on persons with this disorder. When in session, the psychologist engage the subconscious of the person in therapy by using past experiences that forced the person to lying compulsively over and over again; then through the dictates of the psychologist, the subconscious is made to redesign the intuitive workings of the mind to imaginary actions that ends with the individual telling the truth. When this therapy in done conscientiously over a period of time, the possibility of recovery is therefore enhanced. Remember I’m not a professional psychologist, only persons with the skills can probably say more on this.
- Talking to someone will help: talking to someone about your problem can solve the problem in halve; but knowing the right person to talk to could become a great concern. However with a professional in the picture; the doctor-patient courtesy is consequently extended because ordinary folks who you run to for solution might end up disclosing your discussion to others. But with a psychologist, you can talk freely and at will about your problem with no fear for getting your secrets leaked out.
- Understanding what you are going through: it is only someone with a professional training can comprehend the scale of what you are going through.
- Keeps you in check: a professional therapist makes sure those in therapy are kept in proper condition to avoid issues of retrogressive therapy on an already recovering person.
- Gives you day-to-day survival tips: with the professional extending his professional ethics, the person is guided into actions that will direct him every day into doing the right thing which is saying the truth.
- Keeps you from lying to yourself: the greatest deceit a person with this disorder can do is lying to oneself. As a matter of fact this is one of the syndromes of ACLS (my abbreviation, note this- not in any medical book or directory just coined by me).
- Makes you confident: a therapist is adept in the art of handling patients with psychological deficiencies (compulsive lying being one of them), a professional psychologist has a way of making a patient in the process of recovering to remain confident through counsel that he will surmount all the obstacles to prompt recovery from the condition.
- Helps when individual relapses: one of the things with every therapy is that a patient can relapse. When this happens, such a patient’s condition can become even worse than it was before the therapy. So professional psychologists are on ground to help patients who relapse to get back to healing ways.
- Feeds your mind and memory with truths and half-truths: believe psychologist have a way around your head and have the power to mess with your psyche in some cases. This is why their services can be described as seemly invincible especially when handling persons of this propensity. They help the person by redesigning the internal and external working of the mind.
- Cures you of the malady: what can be more important than getting cured of this malaise; compulsive lying can really hurt anybody who indulges in it in more than one ways. It destroys homes, professional and personal relationships, wrecks havocs and result in physical and psychological traumas. This is why a professional psychological therapy can become so useful, because his skill is quite necessary in finally curing a compulsive liar of his destructive malady. The truth about this type of people is that even after visiting a professional therapist to take care of them (and their lies), they still find it relatively difficult to turn a new leaf; they unfortunately relapse and when this happens their condition becomes even worse as they seem to have added a new skill they garnered while in therapy to a list of their tricks.
So when you get involved with a person of such pedigree and standing, you need to know how you can handle the liar quite easily.
How to get the truth out of compulsive Liars sublimely; Though liars of this pedigree and reckoning are so powerful that they can use their complex personality and friendly charm to woo even the most difficult and incredulous people; there are still ways to get the truth out of them without even breaking a sweat.
- Acknowledge their ostentatious Intelligence: before you can break through the psychological make-up a compulsive liar, you must first admit they are more intelligent and perceptive than you. This is true because they happen to be quite meticulous to a fault and can easily see through your scheme if you are not careful enough.
- Dig up into their personal history: knowing the history of persons of this disposition can help you break the ice; doing so is quite easy as you can use the internet, speak to close friends, relatives and families who’ve known and associated with them for a long time. Check for criminal records, priors like speed tickets, DUI’s, juve misdemeanor, divorce or any event that can be emotional and nerve wrecking to them. Having this record in hand can help you hit a sore nerve when dealing with this kind of person. And when you hit that score, breaking him can be easy-peasy, trust me I’ve seen worse.
- Be as jovial as possible: one thing this kind of characters have going on for them is their ability to enter you heads. They know how to use your facial expression and demeanor to get on your nerves and they do this quite adroitly too. So to counter this make sure you smile freely and happily even when they are gaining more on you. Any sign of obvious anger from your side can be an advantage for them to cover up more lies and even tell more confusing ones that can keep you dazed and dumbfounded.
- Never avoid their eyes: maintaining eye contact can give you a bit of control and upper hand here, never underestimate this character because he is a pathological liar and can manipulate his eyes to deceive you into believing what he is saying; but maintaining that eye contact for a period longer than he thought, can make the same manipulative eyes give away this liar’s position since the eyes can never lie.
- Get on his nerves: this is the time to use his weak points you gathered through researching this character. Tell him about his wife, remind her of how she walked out of the husband and kids; tell him of how he stole his friend’s school lunch from his locker while in high school: just anything from his past that can haunt him or her. Be calm and keep the conversation natural and not interrogative (except you are questioning a terrorist or drug dealer).
- Be sure of what you are saying at all times: I still remember this one time I was trying to get the truth from one of my friends who happen to be a compulsive liar and fraud. You see this guy is a genius whose IQ is quite high that he can use your story against you even when you are saying the truth. Breaking through this guy is even harder that hitting a rock with your bare hands. So I embarked on unraveling some mysteries surrounding some stories this guy told me and others he conned; I almost slipped when he picked some holes in one of my stories, seeing this I stuck to my guns and that kind of paid off. This is so because they (compulsive liars) are good manipulators of events and people and can easily spot out weak lines in any story you are saying. Just make sure you keep at what you are saying and be assertive when doing this too, because any obvious sign of fear and confusion can really be a disaster for you as you can become the hunted instead of the hunter, get a clue!
- Read through the lines in everything they say or imply: I envy these people most of the time (compulsive liars) because of their power of discernment. Now understanding this can become quite an advantage if you as exploitative as I am. Let me cut to the chase, reading through the lines here will mean paying rapt attention to their every move, facial grin, movement of their hands when you talk to them, blinking od their eyes, bodily discharges like beads of sweat, pacing and movement when you try to see through them and finally the movement of their eyeballs when in the heat of the moment. All these little details can help you break the ice. But don’t underestimate him, just go with the rhythm and you’ll sure hit the score, trust me!
- If they scenario is tense, try and make it look friendlier: most compulsive liars tell varying degrees of lies in relation to the environment and situation they see themselves in. if the whole place is charged and pretty tensed up, the propensity to lie becomes even more. But calming the whole place will enhance your chances of breaking through and finding out the truth.
- Enlist the help of others: two head they say is better than one; this is so because when you are two or more dealing with him. Chances are that he’ll slip, and when he does either one of you will be spot on to catch him in the act. An example of people you can enlist will be a friend from the past, a colleague, an estranged husband or spouse, a family friend, old school mate or just any regular guy off the street.
- Remain assertive and unravel the mystery: compulsive liars are quite mysterious and unraveling the mysteries of their complexities can be thrilling and at the same time scary. But if you make this a resolution, breaking through them can become easy. Before you do that understand that they are ordinary persons like you and I, when you understand this getting through them even becomes easier. Also, be calm, friendly and easy going; you’ll see things naturally falling into place.
Compulsive liars are everywhere and exist in all facets of human endeavor; however coexisting with them by understanding them will help create harmony and trust.
This is because, many persons who are like was borne out of insecurity and lack of trusts they have for people and the system in place.
With this little understanding, we will be helping these people, but in conclusion have you asked yourself this question= Are you a compulsive liar?
more resources you can read up...
- How to catch a liar!
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- Am I A Pathological Liar?
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