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Attention Jenny and Marie: We’ll Fight The Bulge to The Bitter End

Updated on March 15, 2019
kenneth avery profile image

I was born in the south. I live in the south and will die in the south. This is only a small part of the memories I share.

The lovely and talented Marie Osmond.
The lovely and talented Marie Osmond. | Source

Looks Can Be And Are Deceiving

if you will take the time to do some serious thinking. Not about which stock to buy. Not about whom to vote for when the Presidential Election rolls around, but those movers and shakers who are using every tool at their disposal to make their goal which is aimed at ME! That’s correct. Get used to it. I do not like what I see on TV when I see (more than one) attractive woman showing me the Before and After photos and brainwashing me into believing that “in one month’s choice meal items, “I” can look as ‘cut,’ and ‘shredded’ as I was in Junior High. Even their terminology, ‘cut,’ and ‘shredded,’ are tools for warfare, realistically they are pointing to Preparing Cabbage and Lettuce Dishes. Look at the terms again and you will understand.

And if these terms (in the above paragraph), doesn’t drive home the point, TV networks, from the most-lucrative to the most-medicore and mundane are showing one lady’s commercial at least thrice an hour. Her initials are “M.O.” I just couldn’t resist. And while I find “this” young woman who is very pretty and talented, I think that there is another more-serious problem that has been well-kept from you and I, the average viewers.

Have you seen her? Watch four networks, not one at a time, but one-after-the-other and you will see “M.O.” telling me that I can lose 17 pounds “if,” that’s the key word, “if” I spend tons of scratch to use my credit card just so a company will ship me, for FREE, 17 days worth of “yummy snacks and fat-burning meats and recipes,” Yeah. Like “I’m” gonna wait patiently at my mailbox each day to see a brown-colored truck come into sight so I can sink my teeth into another box of grub and I can finally lose another five pounds. I should have signed on this before.

Sweating and kicking: but ya' gotta be dedicated!
Sweating and kicking: but ya' gotta be dedicated! | Source

And Believe This or Not

but this barrage of female-friendly Fat Loss Ad Themes . . .the one thing we do not see and is men. There are no men jumping and exercising with “M.O.” (who pulls down $1.65 million for her talking about weight loss on TV) and “J.C.” Did you ever think of this ploy, or were you brainwashed like the millions of Americans who are right now forking-out another round of several boxes of meat and ice cream that you male customers “can look so lean and mean,” according to “M.O” and “J.O.” who, and this is a mere footnote: both of these gals are beyond wealthy!

Another interesting thing about “M.O,” is that one month you will see another “Fat Inferno by Eating Raw Okra,” and talking about this wonder vegetable is none other than “M.O”! Did you ever think of that? I mean, I am all for Free Enterprise and keeping America Free, but “M.O” is on every TV commercial on almost every network, but with different “Fat Grinding Tools” that you can purchase for the low, low price of (somewhere near) $29.99!

I am so old and nostalgic that I can recall (a) hot and gorgeous Suzanne Sommers when she was on Three’s Company—and went on to bigger bucks by hawking her own invention: Thigh Buster! Guaranteed to make your thighs become two steel members of your body. That one sold like gangbusters. Of course, there were a lot of guys who loved to watch Sommers infommercial than buy her Thigh Buster. Right, guys?

Of course there was that very special TV commercial where both men and women were jumping and exercising, but only with their butts . . .and the commercial theme was some system or machine that you could use by achieving “Buns of Steel.” It is a thousand wonders that Christopher Reeve was not lured into being the Most-Famous Male With Buns of Steel as their Spokes-Super-Man, but smarter heads prevailed.

Peddling but not going anywhere.
Peddling but not going anywhere. | Source

Now Let’s Learn About

a radically-new bicycle-looking gizmo that you can ride and following easy instructions who are on video tape on screens just in front of your nose—barking orders to you on how many miles you have “rode” and where you are with some mythical leader’s board and if you like such things, great! We the Fat Americans can respect you for what you believe and the fat-free doctrines that you are preaching.

Moving Right Along

into the more-evolved way(s) of burning that excess fat off the human body and add more years and happiness to the participants. The next thing on the horizon is: Animals as Spokes-Animals to appear in TV commercials to push a certain weight-loss recipe or specially-designed machine that we can all afford.

With the aid of my sometimes-foggy crystal ball, the future looks great for “M.O.” and “J.C.” along with talking gorilla’s like the one who was a co-star with Kevin James in the film, Zoo Keeper, and have the gorilla, a naturally-strong primate, lift the front end of a Fiat automobile and the voice-over would say something like: Yes, Mr. Overweight Man! Just eat this simple recipe of alfalfa, almond milk and sugar and you will be as strong as “Ernie” here and the ladies will love it too.

Can’t you just hear the credit card and cash registers clicking and bells ringing? I for one am not falling for (that) picture of someone’s Milkshake that does something to help curb the human appetite, no, sir. There was a time in our country that I could get by with my breakfast meal when I was in high school and the system worked fine. When my parents went to town to purchase groceries, they bought this “Quicky-Breakfast,” item that sold like cheap cheeseburgers! I liked how it tasted alright, but the affects of the New breakfast-curbing item suddenly wore-off and at near 10 o’clock, I was so hungry that I could have eaten the pages in my History book. And they probably would have tasted a whole lot better.

In conclusion, and not because it is time for dinner, I ask you to look really close and answer me. During all of the products that “M.O.” and “J.C.” are selling on the airways of the TV networks, have you ever witnessed a human being sitting atop those stationary bicycles with one rider with the background “music” as being a pack of wild dogs howling. I wish that I knew what “this” was symbolic for!

I mentioned about being a member of Fat America in the early going of this article and I meant that. There are a whole lot more folks, men and women alike, who belong to “this” club, and we are as proud as peacocks to be strutting down the sidewalks, but the sidewalks that w strut is all down hill. But those in Fat America are FREE to eat, even gorge, on their favorite foods—Quadtriple Cheese and Beef Burgers; Three-Foot Long Hot dogs and Honey Cakes (not honey-buns)!

We love eating and eating big foods and we eat so much that we almost faint, but we have a big smile pasted on our faces. Even that statement stands for something—the part that I just said about “a big smile being PASTED on our faces,” that brings to mind one of my favorites: Pastry. The kind that has been estimated to be 3,400 calories per bite and is just oozing with Blueberry Jam. Put a cup of black coffee with that and you are very, very happy.

Care to know where to sign up?

For more interesting websites, you can check these sites:

March 15,2019___________________________________

The "Quicky-Breakfast," which was similar to the liquid that I drank in high school.
The "Quicky-Breakfast," which was similar to the liquid that I drank in high school. | Source

© 2019 Kenneth Avery


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