Attitude: Your Most Priceless Possession
I started reading this book, "Attitude: Your Most Priceless Possession," right after a car accident early June 2016. From the accident site, the first thing I asked the EMT and police officer for was my cellphone, to call my children's father. I called his cell phone once, and his home phone once, with no response. I left a message with no return call back. (This has been going on for 3 1/2 years. No one is ever going to be able to tell me that their father has not kept them away from me. The only way to contact them, in their eyes is by phone, but they never answer it.)
After my accident, people said I was in shock. Then the EMT said, "you need to calm down, your blood pressure is too high." Then he tried to walk me through the way I should be breathing, so I wouldn't hyperventilate. They had to put a collar on my neck because the head rest of my chair ended up on the floor of the backseat.
That damn collar!! I asked the nurse in the E.R,, "when can we remove this collar?"
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but it is a precaution, until we can get you your CT Scan and make sure that you have no internal injuries. UGH!!! (I knew this, but the collar is VERY uncomfortable.)
I was off of work for almost 2 weeks. I had bruises on the backs of my arms, thanks to the air bag, because I had my hands on the wheel at 10 and 2. I had a cut above my left eye, thanks to my glasses, which ended up in the backseat, unbroken.
After I got out of the hospital, the next day, my father and I went to see the car, and I was told how lucky I was to even still have my eye. Now, I am a walking scar. I have a black mark over my lip, thanks to a fall during my seizure in August 2013, due to having crowns put in by the dentist who said the marks will always be there. Now, the scar by my left brow.
The bruises on my arms have since gone away. However, the bruise on my belly is slowly going away. It colored my stretch marks for each of my three children very nicely. For a time anyway, until those bruises went away.
Thankfully, I did not need stitches by my eye. They said it would leave a more noticeable scar. They used some derma glue, which they said would work out nicely. I had to wait for that to fall off naturally. OH THE AGONY, when you have to attend a staffing at work with this glob of glue hanging by your eye.
After my accident, I chose to listen to Justin Bieber's "Love Yourself." Whenever in doubt, I turn to a distant cousins' music, first. Then, if nothing is appropriate, I turn to other artists. I, especially, like P!nk.
Learning to understand your attitude
It is my mental focus on the world. Towards the future, not the past. Your attitude is sensitive to what's going on. Sometimes I have to change it just so I can get through what I need to get through. However, despite what many people think, you cannot be positive all the time. A company gets its edge from their employees, from the way they are trained. (This is right up my alley. Recently, a store manager at one of the Walmart's that I frequent came to orientation to meet the room of new employees, and to present other things about Walmart. Before the orientation, the store manager and I got to talking about the fact that attendance seems to be many employees downfall. However, this manager sets the environment for the whole store, as he left the orientation room, he said something to everyone, before he left the room, "welcome aboard to the newbies," to me, he said, "nice seeing you again." Did I mention this manager was at the Walmart store where I had my seizure in August 2013? Yea, we go way back. I wonder how many times he's seen the video of my tooth flying out of my mouth and onto the floor?)
After that seizure in 2013, I became self conscious of the black mark over my lip. My brother tried to make me feel better. I still wanted to see a Dermatologist. Someone. But I am pretty sure that nothing can be done. I have had to accept every scar, both inside and out. Physically, Emotionally, Mentally. Every scar has to be accepted before I could even begin to understand my attitude. My current boyfriend never mentions the mark above my lip. He doesn't mind that I like my hair short. He hasn't pressured me into making more of a commitment. Frankly, more guys should be like him. In my experience, there aren't many. He was raised by good people. I am lucky to have them in my life. Sometimes, if I have to work an 8 hour shift at their local Wal-Mart, I get invited to their house for my meal break. If I have to work at their local Wal-Mart until late at night, they have let me sleep in their guest room. If the winter weather gets bad, they have also offered for me to sleep at their house instead of endangering myself in the snowy weather. My boyfriend says his parents really like me and would do anything for me. They are surely the very best people that I know.
I have accepted that there isn't that much to be positive about. I fake it and hope some day it will stick. I have my work. I have my dog. I have my boyfriend, and some close friends. I'm going to be an Auntie again. My almost 2 year old niece is going to be a big sister. That's going to be worth seeing. Like I have heard, many times, scars show that a person has lived. Pain shows that you are human. My being related to many performers, they just use and reuse that pain over and over again in their art. In some ways, I am similar.
Safeguarding your Attitude
I believe in solving personal conflicts quickly. However, a person that I had loved talked me out of doing so. If I would have solved this conflict quickly, I probably would not be where I am today. It seems that I will continue to pay for it. No matter how much I wish I didn't have to. Nothing appears to have changed.
So, I Insulate or distance myself from that person who talked me out of trying to face the problem head on and resolve the issue. It wouldn't be so stressful if there weren't children involved. Now that I am employed, even though it is only PRN, as needed, I remain busy, with my dog, my boyfriend, his family, my family and some friends.
I like focusing on my work. Focusing on the results. Just any good results to make you forget any negative results. I focus on the time that I put into my relationship with my dog, making her the therapy dog that she is today. I focus on the time I am working with each client, and then receiving that kudos from my boss. Who doesn't love kudos?
Once I received this from my boss in an email: "I can't thank you enough for how you've stepped up and really done a wonderful job of being flexible and filling in on a moments notice. We're so lucky and fortunate to have you on our team. Thanks again for all you've done and continue to do for our office."
I focus on the results of finishing a piece of jewelry. That friends want me to continue doing. (Over the weekend, I got another compliment over the beaded lanyard that I made. It makes me stand out over the other job coaches in my firm, as well as the other firms, because they all tend to wear their standard issue lanyards.)
I, now, spend time with different people, so I get to know a variety of personalities that suit and don't suit me. Not everyone is meant to like you, and you are not meant to like everyone else. Just like a Justin Bieber song. The people that I mesh well with: passionate, productive, communicable, loves animals, sings in their car, tolerable and understanding.
Adjusting the attitude to life
It is important to look at the humorous angles in life. Laughter can be quite therapeutic. That's why I prefer comedy. (Facebook friend, Ryan Mills, is awesome at his daily video to give anyone a pick me up.) However, you also have to be cautious and sensitive. Be aware of the effect your humor and laughter has on others. Play your winners. Everyone deals with both positive and negative factors. Don't push your winners in to the background. Think about your winners, talk about your winners. Simplify your life. Get rid of unused and unappreciated possessions. Cut back on commitments and involvements. Find a better balance.
Everyone must learn to live with some "no-win" situations that cannot be eliminated, reduced or avoided. Insulate yourself against negative factors and "no-win" situations.
* Keep busy - Work. Hobbies. Friends. Find that distraction.
* Adopt a "one day at a time" philosophy. (Rome was not built in a day, after all.)
* Play your winners.
* Exercise - which I sometimes do more walking during work hours than anything else.
* Use humor, but be sensitive. I know of someone that has a sensitivity issue. Jokes can be hurtful.
* Simplify your life.
* Concentrate on positive professional thoughts, if that is all that you have in your life. You spend more time with your work family then you do with the one you created. Unfortunately, it's true!
* Do something for someone else. (Like I made a pair of earrings for a friend, and she loves them. She wants me to make a pair for a friend's birthday. This could turn out to be more productive than I originally thought it would.)
* Spend time with a friend, which I try to do, AT LEAST two times a month. Most times, I am with my dog. My dog is my compass.
Here is an insulation checklist to figure out the best one's that work for you (X are the ones that work for me):
X Refuse to assume responsibility for other people's problems
X Put limits on your involvement in the drama of others
X Play your winners; concentrate on factors which are positive for you
Find ways not to worry about things beyond your control (This one is difficult, even my boyfriend's father, who is 82 years old has difficulty with this one.)
Share your problems with God (if he is a fixture in your life)
Talk over the problem with a trusted friend or a counselor - I had one, once upon a time. I don't do this one anymore either.
X Use humor (I, actually, prefer to use my humor in private. I don't need to be funny to anyone else.)
X Keep busy; work out problems through physical activity (Making jewelry)
Make a temporary change in your environment - take a mini vacation. (I have now been to Branson twice with my boyfriend and his parents. We are trying to plan one more Christmas season trip, so far, that's been difficult to do.)
X Do something to help others (which I do for a living)
X Engage in a special leisure activity (Making jewelry)
You may have to do some trial and error. Like my relationship with God wouldn't work out for me. Because that relationship has been damaged for awhile. Believe me, I was a believer. When I was a child I spoke to God EVERY NIGHT. He was my best friend, back in the day when my father was abusive. That's how I got the dream of the three children that I would have some day. Part of my conversation with God. When I was going through making the decision to separate from my now ex-husband - I had conversations with God when I drove alone in my car. Unfortunately, he wasn't listening, and I knew that despite the fact that I am a descendant of Saint Luke, that my Great Great Great.....grandmother Marguerite experienced a miracle as she walked again in the 1600s. Despite the fact that the ONLY words, besides, "thank you, yes and no,": that my Grandfather knew in English was "Good God." I continued to feel that God had forsaken me. Ever since 9/11 there has been nothing. Believe me, it is quite disappointing to go from the little girl who felt God's presence in her childhood room, as she conversed with him, to the life that I lead now. I was put on this path for a reason, and I continue to move forward, away from the people that I thought would love me the most. to the actual people that do love me the most.
Does the above effect my attitude? Sure it does. That's why I focus on work, where whenever I work, I serve my clients. When I get complimented on my jewelry, and someone wanting me to make another piece of jewelry for someone else as a gift. These are the things that I concentrate on. Life is not lost, when I still love my dog, and I know she loves me, no matter how I feel. I trained my dog to let me lay my head on her middle, as a show of comfort. This has already had some positive results. Not just for me, but my youngest niece. She has laid her head on my dog's middle. Her mom does not understand why my dog allows her daughter to do that, and their dog growls at my niece when she does it to their dog. I just told her, "I put my head on my dogs middle to obtain the comfort I need from my day. A small reward for another day gone by. I trained her to tolerate this behavior, and she doesn't mind one bit. I, literally, trained my own therapy dog."
Back to our regularly scheduled blog:
You can give your positive attitude to others, when you do, they feel better, and so do you. You keep yours by giving it away. The less you feel like giving away part of your positive attitude, the more giving it away will do for you.
Ten ways to give away your attitude:
* Go out of your way to visit friends who may be having trouble with their attitudes. (When I had trouble with my attitude, people just walked away, and never looked back. I don't do that to anyone else. Because I wouldn't want a death like Robin Williams' on my conscious.)
* Be more positive around those that you see daily. It is easy to be positive working in my field. Because some disabled clients are ecstatic to be able to work. To get out of the house. To seek out some minor part of life for themselves, despite their daily challenges.
* Be more positive when using the phone. Me? I hate the phone. I only use it to call those clients that didn't need coaching or that are on retention, and I get my monthly update to enter in the data base. I actually prefer email. I have enjoyed typing since I was in the 8th grade.
* You can pass on your positive attitude by sending cards or gifts to people you care about. I am not much of a card person anymore. I used to spend so much time at Hallmark before I married into the military. Heck, I used to even make computer generated cards. No more. I could probably start up a gift giving service making my own cards and jewelry. But I won't. I don't have the time. It will only be something that I do for personal gift giving, or gift giving for friends.
* Share your sense of humor. Sometimes that is really the only thing you have left.
* Be a better listener, so others can regain their positive focus.
* Laugh more so your attitude is more noticeable.
* Pay compliments to others.
* Set a consistent example.
Look better to yourself (I, personally, am not too much into this anymore. I'm 45 years old. I have many scars. I really don't care if I look 45. I am just that realistic.) But some things that may help if you are interested:
* Make sure your appearance suggests quality and productivity.
* Look healthy - That's one thing I can do, as I have good coloring.
* Dress sharper - In the field, I get to wear jeans, and shorts. However, if I do not have a client scheduled, and I just have to attend a meeting, then I would break out the better clothes, to look more professional.
* Pay attention to your face.
* Check your posture. (I was always told that I carried myself well, and that my three children inherited that from me. A customer at the Walmart Vision Center said when the four of us walked in that we all carried ourselves the same. Guess it kind of overwhelmed her to have all four of us have such presence. I will never forget the moment she said that. However, it didn't surprise me. How can they carry themselves like a man who was always deployed? I was the foundation. It made sense to me. It made sense to the Walmart Vision Center customer as well.)
* Be aware of your personal workspace.
* Clean up your vehicle. (DONE! After a car accident.)
* Be yourself. ANYONE that does not want you to be yourself, doesn't appreciate who you are. You have nothing to offer anyone that won't let you be yourself. My counselor once told me that I would find someone that loved who I was. I think I have. However, it isn't just one person, it is a whole family. When my boyfriend's sister comes to visit, and I go over, she gives me a hug.
* Accept the Physical Connection - Exercise.
* Clarify your mission - Choose a mission that is strong enough to achieve a clear focus, dissipate fears, provide perspective, and decrease uncertainty.
* Change your mission if your circumstances or needs change.
Just be yourself. There is nothing wrong with being you. You will obtain more quality people in your life than any quantity can match. If they don't like you for you, they weren't meant to be in your life. If you cannot be you, the whole relationship would be a lie anyway.
I know it hurts to think about moving on, but what other choice do you have? You will get your strength from the friends and family that have been there to see you at your best and your worst. Please remember, YOU are only human and YOU are entitled to your feelings. However, feelings can also change. Pay attention to your feelings. Hold people at arms length, if you have to. I do. I, honestly, do not trust many people. So, "arms length," will be all that one gets until trust is earned. Take advantage of your personal space, and walk away. Sometimes walking away is the only thing left to do. You mourn, like you mourn a death, and you move forward again. That's what the Doctors and Nurses told me when I had my seizure in August 2013. That I was in mourning, and that I needed to mourn. Always a constant process.