- Mental Health»
- Eating Disorders & Mental Health
Because I'm Not Good Enough;BINGE
Are you like me? I hope not
Because I’m Not Good Enough
First let me say that this acronym is not mine. I first heard it on a You Tube and thus I have included the reference. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK7frX35Vzo
This reference got me to thinking. Because I am not good enough. What does that mean? How does that look? How could I describe it? The more I thought, the more I came to realize that there are no words to describe BINGE. So, having said that, I guess I’ll stop typing. Nope, I’m at least 150 words short and it’s early and I haven’t played with the banjo, or myself yet.
Because I’m not good enough, I ran away from home after I let a guy abuse me. I went to the seminary, where I was told, and shown and learnt, that indeed, I wasn’t good enough. One yahoo said “you are a piece of grass blowing in the wind”. Little did he know that bowing in the wind would allow me to hide my sexual abuse for 50 years.
Because I’m not god enough, I wore clothes from the St. Vincent DePaul closet instead of the clothes store. OK, we were poor, but my brother and sister were able to buy store stuff, it’s just that I didn’t want to be a burden to my ma; so as long as I was on my own at 12, I might as well fend for myself clotheswise. Now I DID get a cashmere coat out of it, to which I promptly attached an American flag, a peace symbol and Lieutenant’s bars. Viet Nam protests you know.
Because I’m not good enough, I waited for my drunk old man to come back and take me to the circus that he promised to me when he left me. That was when I was 10. I waited till he did; actually, I waited for six years after he died because I didn’t even know he died. I was 43 when I found out he kicked the bucket. I do have patience.
Because I’m not good enough, I married a girl that was really nice, even though she was not the one I should have married. I was a sperm donor for two great kids, who I left and never forgot about. I don’t call myself their father, because they don’t. Sperm donor is really more accurate anyway. Just like my old man did to me.
Because I’m not good enough I had to be a leader in all the organizations I ever was involved in. I hated each and every one of those meetings and everything that went with them. I just couldn’t say “no” because if I kept saying “Yes” maybe someone would like me for me. Wrong!!
Because I’m not good enough I gave myself Diabetes (on the way, but I’ll succeed at this) and binge drinking and an early death and probably eternal damnation. Sorry, Lord, I know you can save me, but you won’t. You need an example of a good joke and I’m it.
I’m not good enough to enjoy the life I have, because I don’t deserve it.
I’m not good enough to appreciate the great way it feels to be thin, so I lose and then I eat.
I’m not good enough to love the woman who loves me, so I push her away.
I’m not good enough to share any of this in person, and I know the kids I have that hate me will have some crack to make. Well, have at it.
I am good enough for some things. I am great at beating myself up. I have been fabulous at acting. I am a pip when it comes to giving people what they want. I am good for a laugh, if you like plane crashes. I keep secrets really well. Now, as of this last day or so, I have become really good at telling the world “Go to …………..” and not being embarrassed about all the things I am not good enough for.
So, if I stole your idea about Because I’m Not Good Enough, sorry. I would never have thought of it myself; because I’m not good enough.