ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Being a Chidless woman in a World full of Opinions...

Updated on January 28, 2015

As women, we are expected to play a certain role...

We are in the year 2015. As women, we have come a long way from the days that we were expected to behave a certain way, and do certain things. So you may think, yes, we have come far. But have we in all aspects of womanhood? This article, is very dear to me, because it hits close to home. This is the story of my dear friend, Ileana Barbara.

Ileana came to me, to share her story, so I can share it with the world. It is the first time she opens up about something so personal, and I feel beyond honored to be writing her story. These are her words.

"I am a Childless woman, not by choice. The deep null felt by a woman who wants a child but is unable to conceive is indescribable. I have tried explaining it but it is something that I can barely begin to describe. My own infertility has the dreaded title of unexplainable. In my words the Dr. has no idea what's wrong with me. Through the years my emotions have been a roller coaster of sadness, devastation, loneliness and even depression. A lot women have been brought up to believe that pregnancy is the greatest achievement that a woman can accomplish, but is it? Or is it society?

For many years I hid the fact that I could not have children, I have deceived myself by telling myself and others that I don't want children, (Something not true) but this brought questions like , who will take care of you when old?, what do you do for a living? What does your family say? Does your husband feel the same? Does he have children? It is very uncomfortable to speak about this issue. Believe it or not, and I can understand that coming from the other side because they think we cannot relate or share your children's achievements (something not true because I have nieces and nephews) but again these conversations happen. Without forgetting the religious point of view of " God works in mysterious ways, he has a bigger plan for you" , is this some strange way of saying that God felt I was not good enough to become a mother? Really? (Puzzled moment) I overcame my feelings of shame and now when asked "Do you have children?" I just reply " no, I can't have children ." I ignore ignorant comments and found other projects to fulfill my life. And even though nothing can replace that emptiness in my soul, I deal with it the best way I can. Even though I am childless, I feel that I have birthed a lot of things and mothered many others through the years of my existence but I don't think it is fair to put that kind of pressure on people without knowing circumstances. I have not failed any part of my feminism or my value as a woman just because I cannot have a child."


When did children become a Symbol of a Stable Marriage?

I feel Ileana's pain. Even though I am a mom now, the years that me and my husband spent trying to conceive still haunt me. I remember I would cry every time I heard someone I knew was having a baby, I remember standing in the bathroom, holding my breath waiting for the pregnancy test to say positive, just to fall on my knees when it would show the opposite. I remember having to answer peoples questions on why we still had no kids. It was painful. When do opinions become too much? I believe there should be an invisible line where people shouldn't comment, or even give their thoughts, because we never know why that person is the way they are, or live the life they live. As a society, when did it become ok, to stamp a marriage as "Strange" or "incomplete" because they don't have children.

But this goes both way as well. Today some women, choose not to become mothers, simply because they don't want to. And that's ok too. Why must we view these women as less? When did children become someone's personal trophy? When did having children mean that now you are accepted and viewed as whole?

I believe the pressure that is placed upon marriages and women does a lot of emotional harm. As a mother of 2, with many female friends, I can tell you first hand, women are amazing, because of who they are. We don't need children, and much less judge another because they don't have them. Every time you ask someone, "Oh you don't have children? what are you waiting for?" just that simple question can open a wound. Some women, can't have children. And some women choose not to. And clearly, we shouldn't be asking these personal questions.

As women, we need to support each other, be there for one another, and lift each other up. We need to empower one another. After all, we women are mysterious creatures, and who better to understand us, than other women.

Lastly, I would love to thank Ileana for sharing her story with me, and the world. After all, she is one of the most courageous and amazing woman, I have come to know.


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)