ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Being a Good Aunt with Asperger's

Updated on June 30, 2014
Me with my youngest niece, Alyssa.
Me with my youngest niece, Alyssa.


Despite my Asperger's and Social Anxiety Disorder, I love being an aunt. From what I've read online, it's a common trait among people on the Autism Spectrum to get along best with people either significantly younger or older than them, and for me that's completely true. My best friend is 18, when he lived at home I always chose to hang out with my younger brother rather than anyone else, and my young nieces and nephew love me.

A Visit from the Nieces

When I woke up this morning, it was to the sound of my five year old niece's hushed voice. I've always joked that it's impossible to sneak up on me, and I'm thinking now that my auditory sensitivity to noise of all kinds has given me this "ninja" quality. She had peeked into my bedroom, saw me wrapped in my covers, and whispered, "She's sleepin'!" The door closed again, and I lay in bed wondering if I had the energy to entertain not only five year old Summer, but also her younger brother, Hayden, and the youngest, Alyssa.

After a while longer of enjoying the warmth and comfort of my bed, I got up and snuck to the stairs. Summer had joined my dad (whom she refers to as "Pawpaw") and the only other sibling with her today, Alyssa, downstairs in the living room.

I tried to step carefully, knowing our wooden steps tend to creak some, and had almost made it when by the third to last step I heard my dad say, "Who's that?" in an excited whisper to the two girls.

I promptly jumped from my spot to the doorway and yelled, "Hey!"

This was a big deal. For the past 10 months, I lived in Orlando, Florida. I loved my time there, had a job that I enjoyed, and had made connections with coworkers whom I now consider good friends.

But also, for that entire ten months, I only saw my nieces and nephew via Facebook's video messenger when they were here with my mom and dad. One of the things I consistently told friends that I missed were "my babies."

When Summer saw me, she immediately screamed out, "Sarah!" and ran to me, throwing her arms around my legs. Alyssa, who was barely one year old when I last saw her, surprised me by doing nearly the same - she ran to me with her arms raised, demanding I pick her up. This I knew, from conversations with my parents, was a big deal. Alyssa is shy, speaks in a quiet voice no matter her temper at the time, and doesn't take well to new people. I was ecstatic that she either remembered me or, through her sister's enthusiasm, decided I was a trustworthy playmate. The increased or even overly-sensitive senses characteristic of the Autism spectrum, as mentioned above in my acute hearing, also extends to touch, but it's a bit strange. In the case of people I'm very comfortable with, it doesn't bother me at all. I love my nieces - this attention was more than welcome.

According to Alyssa's expert diagnosis, I was all good.
According to Alyssa's expert diagnosis, I was all good. | Source

Catering to Their Whims

I spent the next hour or so being led around by the hand by either Summer or Alyssa, or being climbed on in some manner. At one point, I had both girls on my back and, until Alyssa tumbled off, carried them around as their personal aunt-sized pony. For some reason, nothing amuses those girls more than pretending to "beat up" either myself or Pawpaw. At least a few minutes were spent with Alyssa lightly pushing me, me pretending to fall over, righting myself, and then her giggling like crazy when I sat back up just for her to push me over again.

It was soon after decided by Summer that we would play in my room which, in my absence, Summer had rather taken over. A fluffy pink pillow now adorned my bed, the drawers were filled with all sorts of drawing supplies, and a toy crib stood next to my bed full of baby dolls, plastic food and cooking utensils, "doctor" tools, and stuffed animals.

Alyssa went straight for the crib, pulling out anything she found interesting. As Summer made herself busy at the desk, finding old drawings to show me and creating new ones, Alyssa pulled out the toy stethoscope and put it in her ears. "Do you want to check me?" I asked. She nodded, her white blonde hair a mess from the earlier play wrestling and climbing on Aunt Sarah. I helped her put the end of the stethoscope to my collar bone (admittedly not over my heart, but a two year old couldn't care less), and she "listened" for a moment before saying, in that soft voice she has, "Good."

Her next bit of work involved a plastic needle (really a plastic tube with a pink "needle" end with a spring inside that lets you push a small plunger to "inject" the patient with). Not understanding the purpose of the object or even really knowing what it was, Alyssa put it up to first one of her ears and then the other. "Check?" she asked, looking at me with big blue eyes. I leaned forward and let her "check" my ears as well, and again I was pronounced, "Good."

The girls continued searching my room for playthings before Alyssa announced, quite proudly, "Pee." Summer laughed and said, "No Alyssa, you pooped!" Being the aunt, I quite happily said, "Let's go tell Mama!"

Alyssa threw her arms up for me to carry her and I took her to my sister, who was chatting with our mom, and passed off the messy diaper to the person with the fortitude to deal with the situation.

Alone Time with Summer

Shortly after, my sister left with Alyssa while Summer remained to spend the night. We spent quite a while drawing and coloring, specifically working on a sign that had fallen from my door while I was gone that read, "Summer's room. Keep out!" It was agreed that we would share the room, and Summer let me add "And Sarah's" below her own name. We decorated and colored the paper, with the exuberant and demanding Summer being unhappy with its appearance until there was no white left. We even had to write our names again, according to her, which my dad laughingly pointed out later made it appear to say "Summer keep out!"

A while later, I asked Summer if she wanted to give me a "tattoo". I already have eight, which she is well aware of, while her mother has three, so she immediately agreed, either through an interest in tattoos or just the unusual opportunity to draw on someone (most likely the latter considering she's a 5 year old and it's a novelty).

What I ended up with is an abstract block of purple and black, with pink hearts stamped along my forearm and once on the palm of my hand. Mawmaw and Pawpaw, of course, proclaimed it beautiful.

After an exhausting day of creating art, "beating up" her aunt, and the general running around that a five year old does, Summer finally settled into bed with an army of stuffed animals and baby dolls surrounding her (which, of course, I had to help her assemble and carry to her bed). I laid with her for a bit, watching some cartoon that I didn't recognize, and then announced I was going to go up to my (excuse me, "our" room).

Clinging to my neck, Summer giggled and said, "No!" This kind of feeling of "being trapped" triggered some anxiety, but I was somewhat expecting it, knowing the way Summer acts. It took quite a lot of strength and perseverance, but eventually I escaped her surprisingly strong grasp and made it up to my room without having to resort to my mad/serious Aunt voice.

The "Tattoo"

My new "tattoo" (done in non-permanent marker) by Summer. I'm thinking she must be on the track for abstract art.
My new "tattoo" (done in non-permanent marker) by Summer. I'm thinking she must be on the track for abstract art.

The End

I love my nieces and nephews more than anything. Playing with them saps me of all energy, but I can never resist spending at least a few hours playing with them when they come over. One of the happiest things in my life, one of the few things that can make me feel good and loved even on the worst of days, is hearing one of those small voices yell, "Sarah!" and tiny arms reaching up to be held.

And, being the aunt, I'm always able to give them back if I need a rest (or in the case of an exceptionally smelly diaper).

The problem with Summer spending the night was that all of my "people" energy had been sapped the day before. Of course she wanted to play with her Aunt Sarah while she was here, but I was at my limit. She sat on my bed and refused to leave, shaking her head to watch her hair fly around and laughing, while I calmly and nicely told her I wanted to be alone. When the behavior didn't stop, I felt my temper reaching its height. "Summer," I said, my voice purposely serious and toneless, "I need you to leave my room. I'm serious." It took saying this several times before she actually left, but she spent the rest of the day unhappy with me.

I don't like playing the bad guy or making people mad at me. I don't know how to deal with it. I know that next time she comes she'll have forgotten it and will be ready to play all over again, but it still makes me feel bad that I disappointed her. I love my nieces and nephew. Sometimes I resent my inability to spend more of my time working on strengthening or creating social relationships, but I'm still glad that I know now for sure that it's due to things not entirely in my control. I know my nieces and nephew love me, and I know they still will when I tell them I "don't feel good" and need to be left alone.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Madwriter1970 profile image


      4 years ago from Constantinople

      "I don't like playing the bad guy or making people mad at me. I don't know how to deal with it." Not exactly sure about specifics offhand, but maybe you could mitigate them being frustrated at your alone time with some sort of treat? (Immediate or otherwise.) With my nephews, for example, it might be allowing them extra time playing a favorite computer game while I'm alone, or the promise of doing something particularly special like a trip to a favorite place.

    • Lisa Keatts profile image


      4 years ago from Virginia

      Beautiful story! Love your use of words. The descriptions came to life on the page. Thank you for sharing.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)