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Stop Being a Martyr

Updated on September 30, 2010
Don't drown in self-pity
Don't drown in self-pity
Enjoy life and be happy
Enjoy life and be happy

Being a Martyr is not good for you

I can honestly say that I know a lot about being a martyr because I have played that role in my life and it does nothing but allow one to engage in activities and behavior that is not part of who you really are. I am glad to say that this is all past me now and I enjoy a more relaxed life where I can delegate and say no without the guilt trip. I just remember and know there is always a fine line of sorts that can draw one back into playing another martyr role, but let strength prevail. Needless to say, we all make sacrifices and trade-offs and that’s totally different. A high percentage of the time these sacrifices are well worth it, but too much in most things is still too much. Understandably, the tolerance levels to responsibility, stress, lack of sleep and sacrifice does vary from person to person. In other words, what task is easy for one person may be extremely difficult for another. What is of importance is to pay attention to, and be honest about your feelings because each of us knows what we can handle to a certain extent. We know this because we start to feel agitated and frustrated and ultimately resentful. When we get to this point, the self-righteousness sets in and we convince ourselves that we are working harder than anyone else on the planet.

The ultimate truth is that no one really benefits or appreciates a martyr. Trust me, I know, a martyr is his or hers worst enemy because you are constantly filling your head with thoughts of things that you need or must do for everyone else. This behavior only leads to one believing that life is difficult, yet you are the only one causing it and thinking that way. Why mentally ambush yourself and sap all the joy and fun out of your life for nothing? Yes it’s time to turn a new page in life because all the people around you only see you as an overly serious and frustrated complainer. Think about this for a moment; The people who you are always doing for get so use to it that they take you for granted and do not feel sorry for you when you are so self-absorbed in pity. Stop wasting your life being a martyr for everyone else if you think you have martyr tendencies. Let others do for themselves because most of the time, they are able to, but it’s alright to help every once in a while. Start doing more for yourself by picking up a hobby or taking a class at a local college. Your loved ones and all others close to you will appreciate you more and stop seeing you as an unhappy and frustrated person.

Do you think you or someone close to you is a Martyr?

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    • susanzheng profile image


      5 years ago

      This is very good article, I like it. We really should take good care of ourselves, then we can feel goo about ourselves. Only when you feel good about yourself, can you really help others more efficiently and effectively and will people around appreciate you more.

    • laringo profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from From Berkeley, California.

      thanks for your comments donotfear,,

    • donotfear profile image

      Annette Thomas 

      9 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Amen, sister! This is so true.

    • laringo profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from From Berkeley, California.

      Ameliehub, your advice is very true and something we should always consider before we find ourselves in too deep.

    • ameliehub profile image


      9 years ago from UK

      A very nice hub. I think one should tolerate or sacrifice only to the extent, they can handle.

    • laringo profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from From Berkeley, California.

      Hello Pam... I agree with you about not calling the boys...It was just not the thing to do. One thing my sisters and I were allowed to do was to take piano and dance lessons and later on I was quite a good tennis player. The differences are probably what part of the universe you grew up in, but I know we could share stories of what we could and could not do when we were kids, unlike kids today. Many of them have too much freedom and lack to respect for their many who probably never heard that word before.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Amen. I'm 56, so I grew up in that time when girls were not allowed to call boys ever, and all you did was take care of people and get pushed to find a husband. I remember the women in my family could only brag about two things: their cooking or their suffering. They bragged about both. Even then I thought it was not right that suffering for others somehow made you a good person, especially if that suffering helped spoil the pants off the others you were suffering FOR. The men in my family were spoiled babies. The women didn't help them on whit by being martyrs, they just made it worse.

      I'd like to say to did it differently but it took me years and couple of bad marriages to figure it out. Suffering is just suffering. It CAN be noble, but more often it's just a bad habit or cowardice. Great hub, thanks!

    • laringo profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from From Berkeley, California.

      no body thanks for the comments. It's really does take one to be prudent and able to balance what is placed before them. The choice is ours.

    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 

      9 years ago from Rochester, New York

      When a person is responsible for others it can take a toll you. Using common sense is a must. When one uses themselve all up the child or spouse just gets frustration and not love. People need to take a break once in a while to make sure that they don't do a disservice to those that they love. It was good thought provoking reading.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Nice job once again


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