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I'm killing myself and I can't control it!!

Updated on September 9, 2014

I'm addicted to eating bad food!!

My mind makes excuse after excuse daily stopping me from eating right. I'm slowly killing myself and I can't seem to stop it. I use to be in ok shape, not great shape but ok shape. I've always been very active but when I say active I mean always very busy.

From the age of a small boy I've grown up eating out at least 1 meal a day. I never really had a weight issue until after working around a major chemical leak as a young adult. The stress from that one night was unbelievable. A few years after the leak I started gaining weight, I worked out and always tried ways to keep weight off; however it seemed to be getting more difficult each year.

Yes, I know that comes with age but something seemed different. Fast forward to now and I'm the largest I'm ever been at 315 pounds. I use to weigh around 152. WOW is all I have to say, if you told me 15 years ago I would weigh over 300 pounds today I would have laughed at you. The sad thing is I know all about weights and a little about nutrition, I use to coach weight classes.

So, let me talk about being addicted to bad food. What I'm talking about is eating out all the time, wrong time of day, and eating too much at one setting. I use to be good at making sure I did not eat too much bad food every day and eat salads and so on instead of cheeseburgers and fries. I would tell myself I'm going to start eating better tomorrow and then a major storm would come through town and that would change those plans to eating fast food in order to get back to work quicker.

I would come up with plenty of reasons I could not eat food that was good for me. There wasn't enough time to make anything, fast food places do not have good tasting healthy food, and it will be ok to just eat that large double cheese burger with fries and a large root beer. You're going to be working all day, I'm sure the work will burn it all off before you eat the next meal. Look at the other people working with you; they are eating this bad stuff too. Like I said I would always have a reason to not eat healthy.

Making bad eating habits are difficult to break, like today my workers came in and said, "boss what do you want for lunch?" I could have said a salad, something grilled, and nothing I'm going to have a slim fast or something. No, I did not say any of those things I asked them what they wanted and of course what does a 22 year old want, PIZZA!! Yes that's right; I caved as fast as a starving dog on a Christmas ham.

I've become so use to eating out and eating at fast food places; I don't even know what eating at home is anymore. I probably eat at home no more than 4 times a week. I have become addicted to eating bad food at fast food joints as high as 3 times a day almost 7 days a week. I feel very guilty every time but only after I'm done eating.

Ok I'm going to say it, "I believe FOOD is as addictive as most drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes." There I said it and I'm sure some people will agree and others will say I'm crazy and just have zero self-control. I will admit I have zero self-control, but that came over the course of years not something that happened overnight. I really believe I'm addicted to eating out and eating unhealthy food all the time.

Now, please understand I don't think people should never eat out or eat fast food. Just don't eat it enough times a week where you start craving it as soon as you see a fast food commercial, or you drive by and the sign looks like a spaceship with a laser beam pulling you into the parking lot.

I know it’s my responsibility to keep driving past a fast food place and I know all I have to do is say no when someone offers to get me something from a fast food place. I also know I've lost all self-control when it comes to eating out at a fast food place. But, with that said I believe with every fiber in me that fast food is very addictive and can at some point cause you the same issues I face today.

For those wondering how this will play out for me, well I seem to have depressed myself about this issue. I hope and pray I will be able to gain my self-control and dignity back while working to follow a new eating lifestyle. I appreciate you listening to my rant about myself, have a wonderful week.


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