ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Captain Obvious's Guide To Sweeteners | OMG HFCS WILL KILL US ALL!

Updated on July 9, 2009

This corn will f*ckin kill you!

Our favorite Impartial, dim, illiterate Observer ™ and Captain Obvious are back again! This time discussing the evils of HFCS.

Everywhere you look nowadays, you'll see righteous greenie types squealing hysterically about the dangers of High Fructose Corn Syrup, a substitute for sucrose which is used in many carbonated beverages and other foodstuffs. 90% of these people have never bothered to discover any of the facts surrounding HFCS because they're far too busy throwing themselves into every bandwagon within a five mile radius.

IdiOt: OMG HFCS is a dangerous chemical compound!

Captain Obvious: Well it is a chemical compound, yes. It is comprised of fructose and glucose, much like table sugar which is also comprised of fructose and glucose.

IdiOt: But sugar is natural, HFCS is unnatural!

Captain Obvious: Sugar is extracted from sugar beet and sugar cane by a process of crushing, boiling, refining and a step where chalk is added to it to remove the natural 'impurities'. Natural, raw, unrefined sugar is a sticky brown mass full of bacteria and is unsafe for human consumption.

HFCS is made from corn, which is a naturally grown plant. Corn syrup is 100% glucose, which isn't suitable for human consumption. So the corn syrup is treated with enzymes which convert some of its glucose into fructose. It is then blended with more corn syrup to balance it out and make it either 42.5% fructose and 55% fructose, depending on the type of HFCS being made.

The FDA gave approval for HFCS to be called 'natural' as there are no artificial elements in it whatsoever.

IdiOt: OMG! HFCS Will Kill Us All because it is made from GE corn.

Captain Obvious: Worrying about HFCS being made from GE corn is like worrying that fish have peed in the water that comes out of your tap, except its actually more likely that a fish has peed in your tap water, because irrespective of the fact that the corn used in the production of HFCS is sometimes GE or GM, depending on the term you want to use, what is extracted from it, which is purely the syrup, AKA the glucose, has no genetic material in it whatsoever.

IdiOt: HA! You're stupid, HFCS will make you fat!

Captain Obvious: No, HFCS is calorically equivalent to HFCS, that means if you consume 50 grams of HFCS, you're consuming precisely the same amount of calories as if you consumed 50 grams of sugar. (45 kcal, for those of you playing at home.)

IdiOt: So why am I fat? Huh?! LOL!

Captain Obvious: Yes, you are fat. You know why? Because you've been chowing down like proverbial piggies. It doesn't matter whether or not your soda is sweetened with HFCS or sugar, if you drink five gallons of the stuff every day, you're going to get fat.

Even the American Medical Association agrees, saying:

"After studying current research, the American Medical Association (AMA) today concluded that high fructose syrup does not appear to contribute more to obesity than other caloric sweeteners..."

American Medical Association press release, June 17, 2008

If you're worried about your diet, consume fewer sweeteners. If you don't want to get fat, don't consume more calories than you burn in a day. Weight loss and health are simple issues which have been convoluted in order for people who have no self discipline, poor emotional health and no sense of personal responsibility to pass the buck to other causes.

If you're fat, you ate too much. End of story.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

      Hope Alexander 

      9 years ago

      Hi Kerry, Thanks for your comment, from my experience, baking your own bread is relatively easy, just some flour, water, yeast and a bit of sugar and / or salt... isn't that cheaper than buying bread too?

    • kerryg profile image


      9 years ago from USA

      I think part of the issue with HFCS is that it's not only used as a sweetener, so it ends up adding empty calories to a whole bunch of things that only the most confirmed sugaraholics would ever put table sugar in.

      Yes, people should be more responsible about what they put into their mouths, but it really doesn't help that, for example, the only choices in most stores are $2 a loaf bread with HFCS and $4 a loaf "artisan" bread without. Who puts sugar in whole wheat bread? Only the food companies.

      The ideal solution is obviously for people to bake their own bread, but unfortunately we don't live in an ideal world, and it would be nice if it were possible to avoid HFCS without breaking the bank.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)