Care-Taking And Co-Dependency-An Easy Mark >Part 1 of 4
Are you an easy mark?
We must have been spotted a mile away. They saw us coming---we saw them coming. So which is it? Maybe both surprisingly. Patterns-Patterns-Patterns......will they e v e r end?
Do you find yourself latching onto every in-need incounter that comes your way? Some would say "but this is the christian thing to do"...Help your neighbor! The Bible clearly states to Love your neighbor as you Love yourself. We have a lot to learn when it comes to loving ourselves. Loving ourselves is to love ourselves enough to do what's best for us...and others as well, not destroy ourselves over anything or anyone. To learn and to grow which means...we are to do the same for our neighbor/family.
But when does it go overboard? Over the limit? You find yourself stressed beyond normal everyday stress, resentful, tired, angry and frustrated. You feel you have been taken advantage of and used. This is not everyday stress! This is care-taking. You have set yourself up for the kill. Yes you.
We must set them no matter what the cost because it will cost us/and them more than we realize in the end if we don't set healthy bounderies. This is mandatory for our well being and the well being of others! They need to learn to grow as well and we must not deprive them of the rewards they will gain from learning just as we ourselves will gain/reap from learning. We do not reap unless we sow. One must sow to reap.
They are ongoing and we all must face them head on and deal with each one appropriatly no matter how BIG or small. They are meant for our growth and well being. To learn is to grow, there is no other way. Without them we would be nothing/no self worth. They are a part of life devided and given to all accordingly and quite beneficial when put into action.
Can be the hardest thing to do but absolutly nessessary in some situations, not all but in the major growth areas of life. This doesn't mean you can't be a shoulder to cry on when all else has failed. And I meant A shoulder to cry on...not the only. A care-taker would say the shoulder meaning...the only...again taking full responsibility for their actions/inactions which one should not do.
So where do we begin and they start? It should be the other way around...Where do They start and we begin. This is where the care-taker gets blindsided. They need to get the ball rolling in their life...get on course/onboard.
Care-taking can be addictive. As addictive as drugs/alcohol/cigerettes. Care-taking can be a full time job....Your job if your not careful. Have you ever considered that you may be inabling another to be unable/incapable of doing anything for themselves? They need to begin "doing" at some point in their lives for their own stability if they are to have any. Should'nt this be the goal for them? More focus should be on their productivity and you as a care-taker should allow them (because the word "allow" is typical of a caregivers behavior) to make mistakes in order for them to seek a solution so if they are faced with the situation again they will have that solution. Everyone makes mistakes and should be given the opportunity to do so because it's through our mistakes that we learn. If we did not fall we would'nt know how to stand.
The only way to break a habit is to obstain from it. To be absent from it. You'll need to take about 2 good weeks to begin to recover. You will have withdrawals and may backslide a few times but it will get better. It will subside and you can be free from it. There is hope. Like the saying goes in Al-Anon "It works if you work it"! You will become stronger and wiser. Don't give up and don't give in to it. Your not giving up on them...Your just not giving in to your need to fix everything.
Good luck on your journey........it will be well worth it in the end! Blessings!!!