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Achieving a Quality Nursing Home/Rehab and Elder Care

Updated on March 15, 2014

I highly recommend Home Instead Senior Care: I worked for them. They are good.

Somehow since I was a child, I've been close to my Mom as is also my sister -5yrs older than me. We pray together, we spent time together more so than my older siblings did.

My mom is a delicate woman, who had 12 pregnancies and has 10 living children. Whenever I tell someone that, like my primary care doctor, she says to me, "Oh your mother is a saint."

My Mom has lived and stayed married to my father for over 50 yrs now. Without any mean intentions being meant, he is one of the most difficult people I have ever known to get along with and yes I think she is a saint in that way and in her ways of faith. She went to Mass everyday for over 20 years until she got sick. She would kneel on the marble floor to receive Communion even when she could barely walk.

I have treasured my mother over the years~I wrote a poem in 2000 called The Wonderful Ways of my Mother. (I'll have to get a copy of it sometime.)

This past week has been difficult......I won't say that horrible things happened, but you may be able to imagine how it affected me- I truly love her deeply, I may not always do everything she asks, but I care so much that I've been in tears. And I was angry too, at the level of care in the rehab my Mom was in. Just like she mothered me, so I feel I must defend and "mother" her especially now at her age of 77.


My Mom w/ Pat Boone in 1950's

How did this start?

My Mom put off for 12 yrs a hip operation, she was really afraid to have. She finally had it days ago. She was in the hospital a few days and I'm so glad my older sister came and stayed with her overnight. Now my Mom has been in a rehab for 2 days. I saw her the 1st day and I am not a judge of rehabs or nursing home type places but I could feel her discomfort and did all I could. I spent 4 hours with her before it got dark so I could drive home.

Later, I got calls, one at 3am, that she -mom- was left in her feces for 2 hours- apparently this happened a few times, the nurses don't come right away. I felt my Mom was getting anxious especially this morning when I talked to Cathy my closest sister in age, and we tried getting thru to other family members to figure out the truth- if she was in a bad place or over reacting.

Sad Truth Of Nursing Homes

It is sad that many nursing homes are not very good in this country of America. To hear or see that elderly people--especially your own--are not properly cared for or neglected is very upsetting. It's true that many elderly people become grouchy or "difficult" as they get older, but many function and can function very well and deserve as all people do, the right respect.

Other factors

Unfortunately, other factors play a role:

  • MOM IS SELECTIVE IN WHO VISITS HER, AND GETS LESS VISITORS AND FEELS ALONE
  • SHE'S ESPECIALLY SCARED BECAUSE OF THE OPERATION SHE HAD FEARED AND THIS REHAB IS GIVING HER AN UNCOMFORTABLE "VIBE"
  • MOST PEOPLE ARE BUSY WORKING TO FIND THE TIME TO STOP BY
  • I UNFORTUNATELY NEEDED TO GO FAR AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS

This being said, Please be careful and keep an eye on where your loved ones go.This place where mom is at is Catholic and has a chapel which she wanted, but it's not a good place. As far as I know, she will be moved. Thank God for my older siblings who know what to do! Finally, I want to note this rehab (or whichever one) is only temperory until she can walk better from hip surgery.

Be aware, you can get your loved one moved, if you or they feel it's unsatisfactory--don't be afraid to fight, even if you have low income or insurance--there just may be a better place. (My father was the king of hagglers- people who insist on making a deal!!)

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    • schoolgirlforreal profile imageAUTHOR

      schoolgirlforreal 

      8 years ago

      Thanks for sharing, Ictodd1947 :)

      I worked for Home Instead Senior Care and the lady I cared for was 95! She was very independent too! It's nice when they do so well to an old age :)

    • lctodd1947 profile image

      lctodd1947 

      8 years ago from USA

      Thank you schoolgirl for sharing this about your mom. My mom is in a nursing home about 5 minutes from my house. So far so good, do they do as much as they should for her; no. They are not mean to her and in fact she gets very impatient with them sometimes but we tell them when we need changes. It is never an easy road for caring for our older parents. We had put Mother here when she had surgery and could not walk. She now walks and things are better but just found out recently she has Chronic Leukemia. The slow kind. She will be 90 in January. Extremely well for her age.

      thanks for sharing.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile imageAUTHOR

      schoolgirlforreal 

      8 years ago

      @Rachel Marie

      Thankyou, Rachel for this wonderful comment. You are absolutely right and you (say it so well!) how important it is for nurses/doctors to have SOME empathy.

      Your example with Gramps is clear and very poignant, you clearly have a way of putting things yourself my sweet!

    • profile image

      Rachel Marie 

      8 years ago

      Rose, I hope that your mother (my grandmother) will continue to do well also. You are to be commended for your genuine concern for her when others showed none. It is important to research a rehab/nursing home facility for sure whenever a loved one will be spending time there. The one Gramps was at wasn't very good either, because they acted like he wasn't talking to them and they never got him anything that he wanted or even needed. The nurses seemed so apathetic... I feel that being in a medical position REQUIRES some sensitivity... empathy to feel what the patient feels and try to care for them and resolve the issue. That is a major responsibility of being a doctor or nurse.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile imageAUTHOR

      schoolgirlforreal 

      8 years ago

      Thankyou, epigramman :-)

      You make me smile today!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 

      8 years ago

      ..well my mum was my best friend and she lived to 83.

      You are a decent human being and a wonderful daughter as I can read here in this hub which is a pure labor of love - and a testament to God's love of family.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile imageAUTHOR

      schoolgirlforreal 

      8 years ago

      I'm dying to read that, thanks !

    • lorlie6 profile image

      Laurel Rogers 

      8 years ago from Bishop, Ca

      I don't know if this would help you and your mom, but some months ago I wrote a hub on my experience called "A Survivor's Guide to Total Hip Replacement Surgery..." or something like that.

      I'm so glad to hear she's almost out of that place!

    • schoolgirlforreal profile imageAUTHOR

      schoolgirlforreal 

      8 years ago

      Hi PegCole17,

      Thank you. Yes it is overwhelming at times when you're caring for en elderly parent- because you are emotionally attached, (in this case both parents are needing care), :)

      Wow! Your mom had 2 hip surgeries. My mom has been told to have another also but she wants to recover from this one first, maybe have the other in 6 mo.

      This morning she called and said she is definitely feeling better. At her age 77, I think this whole thing was scary, and until she felt "grounded" and better, she was a bit nervous in general as many people would be I imagine. (I think it's rare for people to show no fear, although I've met at least one)

      In this case, Mom has finally decided to stay where she was, apparently, it took her awhile to get used to the place and comfortable, and get over her nerves.

      Thanks so much for the comment and read. I'm glad your Mom is doing well, at 82 that sounds good!

      the lady I worked with at Home Instead Senior Care (above) was 95!!! And she did so well, it was remarkable! She even wanted to get her license back (thou that didn't happen LOL)

      take care :) Rose

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 

      8 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Your story is beautifully written and from the heart. My sympathies go out to you on your responsibility of caring for your Mother; bless you for all you do for her. Your story is familiar to me, having seen a number of these facilities over the years - my mom had hip replacement surgery at 67 and again at 82. She's doing great now after much rehab. You are right to insist on better care and I hope that you've found it.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile imageAUTHOR

      schoolgirlforreal 

      8 years ago

      Hi lorlie6,

      nice to see you again! Yes, I belive so far as I know my Mom is going to be moved to a better rehab. She called me and is happier than she was. As for as the hip issue, Yes My Mom Just had this done. The surgery was very successful - my Mother is nervous about "every medical thing, poor thing - but she is doing well. She will need to exercise and walk. She said she did some walking but since the rehab, it's been slow.

      Thanks for the tip about the recovery. She so needed this done, her hip was really worn doctor said and she is 77 so she's doing well. PS Sorry there's not alot of detail about hip surgery- I might call it Elder Care or something instead.

    • lorlie6 profile image

      Laurel Rogers 

      8 years ago from Bishop, Ca

      Schoolgirlforreal-I'm so sorry your mother is in an unacceptable rehab. Hopefully at this writing she is in a better facility.

      I'm personally very interested in the 'hip issue' because I had hip replacement surgery last year and need another hip this Winter. I wonder if that's the surgery your mom put off for so long. The recovery isn't easy, but it is definitely worth it.

      Anyhow, I hope she has a speedy recovery, and I wish you well!

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