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Casual Sex - Here's the Problem With it

Updated on March 14, 2020

Casual sex seems like it’s meant to be easy and fun but sometimes it can turn into the most complicated situation.

I’ve had casual sex with guys I didn’t particularly like or care about, I’ve been bored with it, emotionally hurt because of it and I’ve truly lost interest now that I’m older.

But here’s the real problem I have with it: when people aren’t upfront and honest about what’s going on.

I know it might not be the sexiest thing to have a conversation about the rules with someone you want to have sex with but it is important if you want to avoid feeling getting hurt or a lot of confusion and anger.

I’ve been in situations where I haven’t realized things are just casual because the guy never told me.

In fact, a few people have led me to believe it meant something more than it did and in the end, I ended up wasting my time and energy on someone who wasn’t actually that interested in me. But perhaps that is my own fault, I mean the signs were there.

However, I think it’s always best to be upfront and honest right at the very beginning because hints can be confusing and hard to read.

Maybe it isn’t fun and maybe the truth won't get you what you want but it’s better than leading someone on.

Here's what to do IF you haven't yet been open and honest

So, you’ve found someone who is willing to be your ‘sex friend’ or ‘fuck buddy’ and things are going great until one day they ask a question you weren’t expecting:

where is this heading?

Suddenly you’re as confused as they are because you thought you had dropped enough hints that it’s just some casual fun.

But unfortunately for you, my friend, some people go into situations like this without taking notice of the hints.

It could be that you’re an affectionate person and you gave them the wrong idea, maybe you hung out with them as a friend but they thought it meant more — whatever the situation is you need to be honest and have a conversation with them about your situation. Don’t ever leave room for confusion.

Hints and suggestions are never enough, you need to tell the other person where you’re at with this type of situation.

So, if you’re 100% certain about it just being casual but they can’t detach or can’t let go of the hope that things will change and become serious then you might need to cut things off.

Rules and boundaries must be established right away

Too often do people get confused and assume that the casual sex they’re having will eventually turn into something more.

Right away when you both agree to have some fun be sure to set the rules and boundaries right away or things might become confusing.

You also have to be aware of people who say they’re fine with casual sex but don’t act like it because sometimes they honestly don’t know what they want and might become attached and get their feelings hurt.

So if you believe they are hoping they can somehow turn it around and make it something more than it is then please tell them the truth and let them go.

Here's what to do if you find yourself catching feelings, growing attached or not realizing it was casual to begin with

So many of us have been in this situation and sometimes it can be hurtful, especially if you thought there was a chance it could turn into something more.

The first thing you need to do is have a conversation with the other person. It can be uncomfortable to be vulnerable and open yourself up but it’s a lot better than living in a state of confusion and curiosity.

You need to tell them how you feel, where you thought this situation was heading and figure out if this is still what you want.

Also, be sure to listen to them when (or if) they open up.

It might not be what you want to hear, so don’t get angry at them for being honest.

Casual sex can be fun but only if you don’t lead someone on, even if it’s by accident. Always be clear about what you want and where things are heading. It’s simple as that.

Don’t complicate it out of fear and don’t hide behind fear either.

Remember, honesty is the best policy.


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