Bach Flower Remedy: Centaury And Can’t-Say-No
They’re everywhere – the doormats who end up doing so much for everyone else not really because they want to but because they just can’t say No. Inside, they might hate what they get into because they can’t stand up for themselves and usually find it easier to acquiesce to the stronger willed ones than to argue. The problem is, someone who needs Centaury often puts his own work and interests aside and run around at the bidding of others. Helping others is a virtue but in a person like this, it can be carried to extremes and is more of a weakness. The trouble is, the shirkers and bullies soon realise this and they make them do their work for them. The Centaury person just cannot refuse so he or she is dumped with all the work and none of the credit.
There’s an anxious look about them and they are always looking around to see if there’s something they should be doing. However, theirs is a more passive waiting around and they usually do things only when they are told to. They also looked tired and pale most of the time because most dominating people take advantage of their good nature and exploit them. Very often, the weaker personality adopts the phrases the stronger personality uses, maybe even the gestures. With Centaury, there is a slow growing of confidence inside and you’ll find that they start saying ‘No’ – gently at first, then more firmly.
This is a mind like a child’s and they go all out to help without questioning. There is a lack of maturity and they take things at face value, rarely questioning the baser motives of those who take advantage of them. They are weak willed and Centaury gives them the mental strength to stop obeying others like slaves and to start thinking about themselves. It inspires them to becoming more individualistic and not echo the opinions of others. While they will still say Yes when someone asks them for help, they will also start saying No when what is expected from them is more than they can give. They will learn to ask whether what they are asked to do is do-able or not and will answer accordingly.
These people are very easily hurt and are extremely sensitive. Maybe that is why they help – hoping to always please others. They are always submissive and this makes certain people exercise an emotional control over them. They hate emotionally violent scenes and will do anything to preserve the peace. In relationships like marriage, they usually end up with a partner who is bossy and a bully. They are rarely happy inside because nothing they do seems to be enough. Unfortunately, they are usually taken advantage of by the bullies in the world.
People who need Centaury are often swayed by religious people and could end up joining cults or following gurus who might exploit their good nature. They can easily be persuaded to follow a cause blindly. Centaury gives them a more objective view of things as they are and they can then be a part of a group without losing their identity. Centaury makes them think for themselves and be more objective instead of blindly following people or beliefs. Centaury teaches them to trust in their own judgement and never to put others' work before theirs.