Bach Flower Remedies: Chicory And Conditional Love
The Bach flower remedy Chicory is about loving without conditions in its perfect positive state. In its negative state when it is absent however, the person is the classic case who never lets you forget what you owe him and what he’s done or keeps doing for you. Their constant complaint is they have done so much for you and after all that, look at the way you repay them. It’s almost as though every little gesture were a calculated attempt at keeping score of how much you owed him. He can be expansive and seem very generous but there will come a time when he comes around to collect what he feels is a fitting exchange for what he gave.
Never mind how self interested they are, in the beginning they come across as warm and very helpful folk. You usually never suspect in the beginning that everything they give you comes with conditions attached. Then slowly, they start to want to have a say in everything you do. Followed of course with payback time. With Chicory, they learn to be nice without expecting anything in return – just for the sheer pleasure of being nice. It’s a great children’s remedy – the sweet child who is nice to everyone and the moment she is thwarted, turns tantrummy and sullen. Just because she feels she is well behaved, she also expects not be checked or corrected for anything.
When someone needs Chicory, he is constantly assessing and calculating everything he does for everyone in his mind. It’s almost like his mind keeps score and attaches a value to every good deed he does so he can recover it in full measure later. In their minds, there is this tremendous need for affection and it very often stems from being unloved as a child – and getting attention by making people feel obliged. Chicory makes a person like this more balanced and not feel the need for outside attention to feel good inside. It also teaches him that he cannot expect anything just because he helps or gives.
Emotional blackmail is common in people who need Chicory. It’s like a parent who does a lot for a child and then keeps reminding him about it till the day she dies. Or a person who tries to help by giving advice which usually turns into finding fault. This person will always make it out that it is because they love you so much and care for you that they are pointing out flaws in your make-up. Chicory takes away this ‘holding on’ with invisible emotional strings and helps a person to be more self sufficient.
These people, once they get into the positive Chicory state will astound you with their incredible capacity for loving and giving. A woman could become the epitome of motherhood while a man could rise to his full potential in every way, including spiritual growth. They learn to respect another’s territory and stop wandering into areas that should not be of any concern to them.