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Chin Hairs and Other Nasty Surprises: The Art of Aging

Updated on July 4, 2011

Humor in lieu of night cream

Nobody had to tell me I'd have chin hairs when I grew older. I'm an Italiana. Near as I can tell, all Italian women get them. Or, at least all the Italian women I know. Just how it goes. Perhaps it is an overabundance of testosterone. Which may be why so many Italian men love their mamas so. Or maybe it's all the garlic. Or maybe it's because Italian women outlive their husbands (don't get me started on all that; we could be here for weeks.) and know that they're going to do double duty after their husbands are long gone. Who knows? Point is, I knew they'd show up eventually. I just wasn't prepared for such an early appearance. Nor did I have a clue about just how abundant they would be. Lemme tell ya, it's not the happiest of surprises. It's downright scary!

So even though it wasn’t a huge surprise to find them on that oh-so-early-in-my-thirties day, I was taken aback when I found so many. I mean…how could they just all of a sudden show up just like that….in such vast numbers? And…it’s not as if they’re all soft and fuzzy either. Oh no. We’re talking about little black thorns sticking out of your face. All stiff and prickly and BLACK. ICK! It would’ve been nice if somebody woulda warned me about that. And just how much time it was going to take for me to manage them. We’re talking twice a day, every single day, til death do us part. It’s its very own part time job. There’s no money in it, of course, but you have to do it no matter what. You can’t just say, ‘well, I’ll get to it tomorrow.’ Oh no. That won’t do at all. Skip a day of plucking and the next morning you wake up looking like a middle aged man after a 3 day binge at the local pool hall. It feels like somebody stuck a miniature boot scraper on your chin while you were asleep.

Diligence, my dear

Imagine what that might be like if you happen to have a man lying in bed beside you, and, upon awakening finds himself in an amorous morning mood. He reaches over to stroke your face and gently kiss you awake, still half asleep himself, only to find the face he’s caressing feels like the 90 grit sandpaper he used to refinish the dining room table. Probably a bit terrifying for the guy, you know? So no you can’t skip a day. You must scan your chin with the scrutiny of your mother-in-law’s eagle eyes when she walks in your house every year at Christmas to see just how many of the family ornaments have been hung on your tree. Twice a day.. every day. At night, just prior to going to bed because of course you don’t want your man getting all frisky and then finding them with his delicious lips as he makes his way from your mouth to the more southern regions. Talk about buzz kill. And then, first thing in the morning, when, of course, you get out of bed before he does so you can dash into the bathroom and pull out those suckers that popped out during the night. How the hell do they grow so long in 8 hours? And why doesn’t the hair on my head grow that fast? It takes 3 months to grow an eighth of an inch of hair on my head, but my chin will grow hairs that are an inch long overnight. It’s a miracle. Only not the kind of miracle I was hoping for. Crap.

Back to the tweezers

Oh sure. You’re over there saying, ‘Hey Lady. They have this thing called laser hair removal.’ Yea. Well let me tell you right now. Laser hair removal is for normal women. Italian women don’t have normal chin hairs. My younger sister did this. The doctor told her she’d have to go about 6 times over a 6 month period to get them all. So she did. Problem was that by the time she’d gotten to session 6, a whole new crop of follicles had somehow reproduced only this time the hairs were white. No problem, you say? You can’t see those. Yea. But you can feel them. And they’re even more stiff than the black ones. The doc says, ’sorry. Can’t do anything about those. The laser needs pigment to find the follicle. You’ll have to pull those out yourself.’

Back to the tweezers.

On the bright side

I suppose all this might be sounding a bit whiny. But honestly...I'm not whining. Rather, this is my attempt to urge women to laugh at the aging process, regardless of the nasty little surprises. Whether it's hair on your chin or your lip or sagging mounds of flesh or stark white pubic hair popping out without warning, there is a choice here: you can either laugh or fret. Laughing is so much more fun. Fretting doesn't change anything (although it may contribute to even more white hair!). You can spend thousands of dollars trying to fight the clock or you can take it all with a grain of salt and giggle your way to old age. On the bright side, at least you're not growing hair on your back!


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    • profile image

      nahee 5 years ago

      if you have white hairs all over your chin like I do and tweezing or waxing or later doesn't help does that cream vaniqa really work? I am of middle eadt decent and 37 with several thick course white hair on my chin. help someone need a solution.

    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Thanks for the giggle. I can relate and I am NOT Italian. If your hormones are out of wack for whatever reason, this can be a huge issue. I have PCOS and excess hair growth in the wrong "female" places is a side effect. Personally, it sucks! I've already informed loved ones of my wishes - when I'm laying there in the coffin, they must shave me if necessary. They said they would :) Thanks for a fun read!


    • profile image

      Lucy 6 years ago

      Very good point... since there's nothing we can do about the years passing, we might as well giggle our way to 100! Besides. It IS pretty funny when you think about it... ; ) Love you!

    • camsolivia profile image

      Camille Olivia Strate 6 years ago from Planet Earth

      Not to worry, BossLady! Just maintain your sense of Humor..and all the rest is negligible. (giggle)

    • BossLadyKFW profile image

      BossLadyKFW 6 years ago from WESTERN MASSACHUSETTS

      Thanks for warning me....I'm in my early thirties and have noticed some peach fuzz occasionally-thought my eyes were deceiving me..thanks for sharing the truth..*sigh*...:-)

    • danfresnourban profile image

      danfresnourban 6 years ago from Fresno, CA

      Great advice

      Mark Twain said "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter"

    • Matt in Jax profile image

      Matt in Jax 6 years ago from Jacksonville, FL

      Ouch, sorry to hear that for you and your fellow Italian women but very funny story.