Communication: the key to build loving and healthy relationships.
"The key to healthy relationships is good communication"
We all have read this somewhere. But ,do we know how?. Look around. Look at your family, your neighborhood, your country, the world... Does it look like we know how to relate to each other?.
There is a saying that goes something like this - " The biggest mistake made by most human beings: listening half, understanding quarter and telling double. " Read the phrase again. Where does this pattern starts? . We do not listen, we assume, therefore interpreting and making up stories in our minds.
We do not want to understand, we just want to be right or get what we want. It is impossible to understand another person without listening to what they say, or be understood without being listened to. We never get to truly know each other.
How can we make that connection with another human being? . Well sadly, the majority of us don't. We make up stories in our heads about who the other person is- we give them shape, color, contents and context. And when the other person does not behave in the way we expect them to, we get angry, dissatisfied and disappointed.
"Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don't have to do anything else. We don't have to advice,or coach,or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen."
Becoming better listeners
I truly believe that if we learn how to communicate effectively, it will be the end of so many awful conditions and hardships, especially for the younger generations. So many things could be prevented if we just listen to one another.
If you are interested in experiencing a deeper understanding of not only the people you love, but also yourself, please keep reading. It's an intense ride and it can be scary, but I can assure you that it's totally worth it.
Practice, practice, practice !
I have a task for you. Ask yourself this:
When you are having a conversation, what is going through your mind?
A- When is going to be my turn to talk?
B- How what it's being said applies to me?
C- This reminds me of the time when I.......
D- Are you thinking about what you are going to say next?
E- Are you judging the other person? (Right/wrong, good/bad)
F- Do you interrupt the other person mid-sentece?
If you answer yes to one or more questions, you are not listening. You do not understand what the other person is trying to say, and without understanding, it is simply impossible to build mutual trust and respect.
Try this for a week:
When you are having a conversation, imagine having a mute button. Use it and pay careful attention to the words being said. Repeat what the other person is saying in your mind,every single word.
Try to experience the person's words from their point of view. Approach this exercise with curiosity. Observe the bodylanguage; is there tension,excitement, sadness?. Is the other person talking fast or slow?. Is there confidence or insecurity?.
Approach the conversations in the same way as you do when you are reading a book, or watching amovie,be interested. If you don't understand something, ask questions. Do not be quick to judge,do not interrupt, and just be curious.
After having practiced this (when you have a moment alone), notice what is happening inside yourself. What are you feeling?. Write this in a notebook or journal. Notice what happened to those around you. Has something changed?. Record everything else that you feel is relevant.
This exercise can be exhausting at first. It takes a lot of energy to turn your attention to a different direction. But with some practice, you will see the difference. It's like meeting someone for the first time even though you've known each other for years.
You will get to know the real person and not just the parts that you pick and choose. You might like it, you might not, but the important thing is that you are seeing what it is and not just a mind construction of what you want them to be.
It is truly amazing how much we are missing out. To really connect with your wife, husband and /or kids is priceless. It affects every aspect of our lives, including the relationship we have with ourselves.
Imagine waking up from a fogy dream, and seeing everything clearly again. We suddenly become aware of a new dimension, without all the pety drama and stubbornes of needing to be right in every argument.
Just the truth, plain and simple.
I am posting more tips and techniques next week let me know how it goes . I hope that you find this article helpful and informative.
Love to all!!!