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Lost Confidence ? - How To Get Your Confidence Back When You Think You Have Lost It.

Updated on August 3, 2013

Lost confidence ? Let me show how to get it back.......

when you think you have lost it, is about recognising that you have first of all got a confidence problem. By doing this you are well on your way to getting it back. Many people don't even know that their loss of confidence for whatever reason could be affecting their everyday life to the point that they have real self esteem problems which stem from an early age.

Very often a life event causes the problem but can take time to realise this which can be some months or even years after the event.

If you think that you may have confidence problems then read on to find out how you can help yourself and take back control in your day to day life.

You have to be like Rocky

Self Confidence At It's Best
Self Confidence At It's Best
This Can Be You
This Can Be You

Definition of Confidence

The definition, for the word confidence in my estimation is being in a state of self-assurance and being so positive of an outcome that you believe it is a certainty that it will happen. Being confident in your own ability is probably the most important trait to have in all situations in our lives.

This is not always the case though is it? There are occasions when we do not have the all important self-assurance that we need. Some situations we find ourselves in with no experience of what is going on around us cause us to withdraw into the background in the hope that we can get through it with the least amount of discomfort to ourselves.

I have never been the most self confident person in the world but into my 48th year I have had situations arise where this has been almost shattered and find myself only now getting to grips with strategies and techniques to help begin to build it back up.

In order to help people with a lack of or loss in confidence, for whatever reason, I am sharing my story and strategy for getting it back.

Circumstances which led to loss of confidence.

When I look back on it there wasn't any one situation which led to my loss in confidence. It was more like a gradual decline which, like many other things that happen in our lives, just crept up on me and became embedded in my personality that it took a long time to recognise that it was or had actually happened.

Depression, I would say, was a major contributor and is again one of these conditions which changes the way we think and act, and is also a condition that creeps up on us very slowly. By the time we recognise it, it's too late the damage is done and the road to recovery is a long one

For those of you who are reading this having no experience of either depression / low self -esteem / feelings of low self worth or loss of confidence then read on because at some time in your life it will happen to at least 1 in 4 of you.

poshcoffeeco's top reasons for depression setting in are:-

Burn out from over work and not taking care of your physical self is one reason.

Working for extended periods without taking holidays.

Not recognising that there is a problem and leaving it too late to get help.

Low self esteem...don't let it happen to you.

Low self confidence.
Low self confidence.

Recognising lost confidence.

This sounds so easy, when in reality it is extremely difficult to recognise that you are losing or have lost your confidence. For me I only admitted to it at my lowest point on both episodes of long term depression. Both times I was only able to admit it to myself after I had sought medical advice and was a way down the road to recovery.

It has to be said that the first bout of depression was the worst for me because it debillitated me for almost seven months and I could not work because of it. The second occurrence and I managed to work through it but I had the added problem of panic attacks first thing in the morning, which after a while of taking medication actually subsided I am glad to say.

So how do you detect you have lost confidence?

  • One of the first symptoms is feeling inadequate and mild paranoia.
  • Feeling useless.
  • Feeling like you are letting people down ( not realising this is an illnessif depressed).
  • Believing that you are no good at certain tasks ( a job you have done for many years even).
  • Letting criticism worry you.
  • Worry about joining in group diccussions or being around large crowds of people.

There are potentially many more reasons and probably a different one for each person. The fact that you think you have lost confidence is a pretty good indicator to me that you have. The thing you then have to do is work on it.

Get confidence a become a winner.

Winner with confidence back.
Winner with confidence back.

How do you work on getting confidence back?

Ever fallen off a bicycle?...I would think that I don't even have to tell you what you need to do next. You guessed it get right back on the thing and start again.Believe it or not you can talk to yourself and begin to build your self confidence. It won't be easy and you will have to fight with yourself and your inner voice ( conscience) to bring about the result that you want.

Listen when you talk to yourself.


What to say when you talk to yourself.

This bit is easy. When you talk to yourself be positive. Say things like.... I will...not.... I might do this or that. In my case when depression and panic attacks were at their worst it was a matter of saying 'I am going out of that door' and not waiting around long enough for me to change my mind .What I am saying is once the decision is made....Do it! now. Don't wait for conditions to be perfect just take action and you will not look back. As I have said before it won't be easy but in time it will become much easier.

It's down to you.

As with everything in life, there is only you who can get the confidence back. Nobody else can do it for you unfortunately. Listening to other people and their experience does help though, if you choose to listen and put the advice into practice. What have you got to lose?

Do something out of your normal comfort zone that will take your mind off of your condition. For me it has been this......writing how to articles and even a bit of poetry although I am a newbie to it but I have had some good feedback from my Hub Page colleagues. This is a great confidence boost. To get praise from people you admire and respect is a great boost and is a tonic.

I would advise anyone interested in writing to join Hub Pages at You will be surprised what it will do for you.You never know you may even make some money!

That's it again the end of another sermon.

Good luck in your quest to find whatever it is you are looking for.

Best wishes

poshcoffeeco ( Steve Mitchell )

The copyright of the work of poshcoffeeco is protected. Please do not publish any work of Steve Mitchell without first receiving his personal permission. Any attempt to illegally copy his work will be subject to the laws of the land of Great Britain at the time of publishing.

© poshcoffeeco ( Steve Mitchell )


Submit a Comment

  • Claudia Tello profile image

    Claudia Tello 5 years ago from Mexico

    I agree with you in that self-confidence is one of, or even The most important trait to have in this life. I am sure that almost everyone feels one is lacking on it in a particular circumstance or another, while feeling very confident in other aspects. It isn´t all black or white. Everyone needs to work on it, even if some people need to work harder than others.

    Nice Hub, very well written, congratulations.

  • profile image

    Kathleen Kerswig 5 years ago

    So many people suffer from depression and low self-esteem. It's great that you wrote about it here in this forum in order to carry the message that people are not alone in fighting this battle. Thanks for sharing this hub here. Good job!

  • JessMcCray profile image

    JessMcCray 5 years ago from NYC

    great job! I am no stranger to depression and panic attacks, Im also a big Rocky fan. Its always wonderful when people can take personal pain and turn it around to help others

  • Olde Cashmere profile image

    Olde Cashmere 5 years ago from Michigan, United States

    I saw a lot of myself in this article with how I used to be and how I found my way through it. Thanks for sharing such a heartwarming and helpful story. Depression can be conquered especially when people like yourself are willing to put their side out there and offer a helping hand. Voted up, useful, awesome, and beautiful. Love the Rocky content, I actually had that movie on earlier in the morning today haha, awesome (:

  • jainismus profile image

    Mahaveer Sanglikar 5 years ago from Pune, India


    It's another great Hub from you. Thank you for sharing.

  • rahul0324 profile image

    Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

    A great, informative and beautifully written hub! Loved the Rocky theme and videos.. they are my confidence boosters for real....

    Way to go man:)



  • Judi Bee profile image

    Judith Hancock 5 years ago from UK

    Great hub Steve, brave too for sharing your personal account - thanks for shining a light!

    Voted up etc.

  • prairieprincess profile image

    Sharilee Swaity 5 years ago from Canada

    This is really inspirational and beautiful! Thanks for sharing. I am going to share it.

  • Drtruthman profile image

    Drtruthman 6 years ago from Harlingen, Texas

    Steve,as a Counselor/Psychologist I really appreciate the detail you put into this article. I love the "Rocky" motif as the basis for getting back your self confidence. I also appreciate your attachment of your personal battle. Although we are taught as counselors never to do so, I always found and still do that people relate much more to those of us who have "been through it" so to speak. Great job. I voted UP, useful, interesting and awesome.

  • Moon Daisy profile image

    Moon Daisy 6 years ago from London

    Wow, you sure are a Rocky fan! Really good, inspirational hub. I go through crises of confidence every so often, especially when something happens to give my confidence a bit of a dent.

    I think it's more common than people think. And that thought helps me through, that I'm not alone, I know lots of other people go through these un-confident feelings. My friends and I talk about it sometimes, and your hub is also refreshing.

    Another thing that helps me is to tell myself that this is just a temporary feeling. That I'm just feeling a bit low, but tomorrow I might feel more positive. And often it's true.

  • Admiral_Joraxx profile image

    Admiral_Joraxx 6 years ago from Philippines

    Thanks for this. I am really uplift. Thanks. =)

  • Admiral_Joraxx profile image

    Admiral_Joraxx 6 years ago from Philippines

    Thanks for this. I am really uplift. Thanks. =) vote up, useful and beautiful.

  • poshcoffeeco profile image

    Steve Mitchell 6 years ago from Cambridgeshire

    Sorry to hear that Rp26. Hang in there and keep busy. Take your mind of things. Thanks for commenting.

  • Reprieve26 profile image

    Reprieve26 6 years ago from Oregon Coast

    Great hub with some great advice. I too have been struggling with low confidence and burn out lately. It sounds bad, but it helps to know that I'm not alone. A lot of other people experience the same emotions. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • poshcoffeeco profile image

    Steve Mitchell 6 years ago from Cambridgeshire

    Thanks everyone for your comments thus far. Looks like I have touched a nerve with this one. Must be a typical trait of talented writers is all I can think of. Glad it may help in some small way.

  • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

    Gypsy Rose Lee 6 years ago from Riga, Latvia

    Great inspirational hub! Confidence is the name of the game and the best way to go through life.

  • ThoughtSandwiches profile image

    ThoughtSandwiches 6 years ago from Reno, Nevada

    Hi Steve...

    My name is ThoughtSandwiches...and I am a lack-of-confidence-er. (yeah...playing off the whole AA thing there...sigh...)

    After 10 months on the unemployment rolls I find myself apologizing on applications for bothering anyone...truly sad.

    I believe this Hub will help...thank you for putting in the time and effort to share it with us!


  • tnderhrt23 profile image

    tnderhrt23 6 years ago

    poshcoffeeco, thank you for writing this hub and sharing your journey. I have struggled with depression off and on since the tender age of nine. Self confidence has been something that has eluded me most of my life. Fortunately I have had the benefit of therapy that has helped tremendously through the rough times. Self-talk is so very important.... again, thank you. Peace!

  • epigramman profile image

    epigramman 6 years ago

    ..well you certainly wouldn't know it by my writing or my persona here at the Hub but I would say, generally speaking, that I lack at times, confidence, living in the real world so this hub subject and the time and effort you put into it was quite a revelation, an eye opener and very enlightening too.

    lake erie time ontario canada 3:19pm will post this most essential hub to my Facebook page with a direct link back here

  • poshcoffeeco profile image

    Steve Mitchell 6 years ago from Cambridgeshire

    writer20 I am so glad I can help. That is why I joined HP. You have just made my day. Hope the book is all you want it to be. Let me know how you get on with it.

    Please don't stop writing.

  • writer20 profile image

    Joyce Haragsim 6 years ago from Southern Nevada

    poshcoffeeco, thank you so much for putting this on h/p. I'm going to get What's Holding You Back.

    My confidence has gone down the drain and has stopped me writing. I hope this book puts me back on track.