Coping With A Son's Drug Addiction
So many questions run through her head daily? Why ? This is the most prevalent of questions. Why did my son become an addict? Why did this happen to him? Why did he allow this to happen to himself? Why wasn't he stronger than this? Why doesn't he get help? Why does he keep refusing treatment? Why doesn't he want to change? He was so against drugs as a teen. So many questions left unanswered. All of which will never be answered.
Excuses Not Reasons
Addicts think they have all the answers. They feel they have good reasons for using. However, all of which are just excuses. None are truly reasons to use. Her son has a variety of reasons. He lost his family. His wife cheated, and divorced him. He didn't have his son home with him daily, because there was not a family unit any more. He lost his driving privileges. He lost his job. He’s to far in debt and no end in sight to how he will pay off this debt. Endless excuses he feels are legitimate reasons to use.
Coping With The Heartache
Each time her mind wanders back to her first born son, she worries about him. When her mind begins to wander, her heart starts to pound endlessly within in her chest. While it pounds so rapidly, it feels like a stampede running through her chest. She gets a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach. It feels like a thousand butterflies are fluttering from within her.
She tries to come to terms with her son’s addiction. It’s so hard. The tears flow daily when she thinks of him. She needs to know he’s okay. However, the call never comes. She needs to know he’s okay. Yet, the call still never comes. She needs to know he’s at least still alive. The not knowing eats away at her. It takes it’s toll on her, a little more each day. It’s slowly killing her. The ache she feels for her son because of his addiction troubles her so.
Letter From a Recovering Addict
Daily she searches the Internet for guidance on coping with his addiction. She has to come to terms with it in her own way and time. While searching she found the following letter, written by a recovering addict.
You Can't Make Me Clean
(I didn't write this, but I agree with it. Someone shared this on FB and I thought I'd pass it on.)
You can't make me clean, though I know it is what you want for me to be. But until I want it, I won't be. You can't love me clean, because until I learn to love myself, I won't be. I know you must wonder how I can learn to love myself when I am caught up in a life-style of self-hatred and self-destruction. I can learn from my own experiences. I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need learn.
I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.
You see, although I look like and sound like your loved one. I am not. That person is in a self imposed prison way deep down inside of my being and what you see before you is an addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. The main focus of an addict is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of helping me falls prey to my addiction giving the addiction more power to shackle me down a little more each time.
I feed my addiction enough. So please don't help me.
The only way for the real me to get free is to be free. FREE to fall as far down as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight and find my way back. To break free.
How can or will I ever be able to get clean you wonder ...
The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF
By not enabling me you will be allowing me to reach "rock bottom". By trusting the process you move over and allow me to find the my own way back. You see, it is in the fight to get free that I will find myself. It is in the fight that I will learn to love myself and the more I love myself ... the more I will start to do to better myself, but I myself, must do this.
I am aware that when I use I am playing Russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance I take when I use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.
Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't reach it you are blocking me from it.
I know you love me and you only want what’s best for me ... but that very love keeps you blind sighted to just what truly is best causing you to act out of fear and from your emotions.
Please for my sake let me go and move out of the way. Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me ... as far down as I have to, to reach rock bottom. Don't try to cushion the fall. Just believe in me and trust the process. Pray for me that when I do hit ... it is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that, be sure to tell my story so that others might learn from my mistakes and live.
Prayer for Mother's of Addicts
I only hope she can find a way to deal with all the pain addiction has created for her and her family. I pray for the lost soul of her son. Prayer is the only way to cope, to deal, and one must put all faith into God's hands. Hoping he will find a way to answer all of a mother's prayers for her drug addicted son.