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Coping With Grief in a ‘Get Over it’ and ‘Move On’ World

Updated on October 10, 2018
Pam Morris profile image

Writing is my passion. I have an undying thirst and quest in the field of writing. Some eat, drink or use drugs when stress, I write.

For those who have experienced feelings of defeat, disappointment, hurt, confusion, betrayal, loss or trauma, the expression ‘Gets over it’ and ‘Move On’ are a difficult perception to accept.

All these reactions are often normal responses to trauma, but if you have ever come into contact with hurt, or profound sadness, you can recognize it in others and aimlessness associate it with the situation described here; you know that it’s not that easy to ‘Get over it” or just ‘Move on.’

When someone loses something very precious to them like a spouse, friend, family member or a pet the grief can be extreme. While experiencing the pain, and sad memories it seems the hurt will never go away.

A person may even feel they will never be the same or feel whole again. However, after months or a year into the sadness, people look at how the survivor handle the grief and their sentiment is ‘He or she need to ‘Get over it’ and ‘Move on.’

But If you understand Trauma, you will know it is not always clear what types of reactions will be shown, and the trauma can be transferred if not treated and it’s not easy for the injured party to ‘Get over it” or just ‘Move on.

“But in all of the sadness, when you’re feeling that your heart is empty, and lacking, you’ve got to remember that grief isn’t the absence of love. Grief is the proof that love is still there.” ~ Tessa Shaffer, Heaven Has No Regrets

Maybe you know someone who has experienced some form of a traumatic event like sexual abuse or perhaps you experience it yourself. Sexual assault is a humiliating, terrifying, and brutal offense and yet anyone can experience it.

Moreover, no one is exempt, and no victim of an attack should be blamed, or deserves to have it happen to them. While traumatic events can happen to anyone, you’re more likely to be traumatized if you're already under a heavy stress load.

If you have ever come into contact with pain or depression of any kind, you experience unexplained aches and pains that don't go away, and you understand that the phrase ‘Gets over it’ and ‘Move On’ is not a common expression to accept.

According to research, women are more likely to be affected by Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) than men. The study has also found that women share many genes that make them more at risk.

However, after a traumatic encounter, everyone hopes they'll be able to continue walking, talking and even smiling. For many of us, a traumatic event will inevitably cause significant suffering.

To those who have suffered a traumatic experience, it can cast a long shadow over your life. And the expression ‘Gets over it’ and ‘Move On’ is a painful perception to accept.

“The ‘gift’ of grief is that it presents us with the opportunity to heal and grow.” ~ Jewish Proverb

Grief is a type of emotion that has a personality of its own; you never know how or when it will raise its ugly head and take a toll on you.

And more, it controls every feeling within you, and sometimes there’s no way to distinguish it.

There may be a day as to where you cry unfathomably, and some days you feel so hurt and numb that you can’t sob, and in other moments you are so unhappy or filled with a lot of pain you don't know what you are experiencing or just what to do.

Reflecting on a time when my emotion overpowers me with sadness, I can remember feeling extremely sad sitting in front of the window with the blind up, and the curtain open gazing up at the stars viewing the beautiful night sky.

As I looked up at the twinkling stars, and the dark sky, I can remember being over-emotional and full of thoughts. That night in many ways, my heart felt as if it would break into thousands of pieces as it palpitates in my chest and the ache I felt was unbearable

.

Thinking back, I assume what brought about the flow of emotions I was holding in is I had just stopped looking at the News, listening at all going on and I think I might have allowed all the awful things I witnessed in the world today to take a toll on me.

Although I didn’t know hearing very unpleasant or disturbing news would trigger all sorts of unsettling, uncomfortable and alarming feelings inside but it did.

Also. I didn't realize that I was so fed up with all going on that I was not in touch with my emotional state, well not enough to grasp that I had so much sadness and pain buried inside.

I now understand when a person doesn’t deal with the source of their misery; it sometimes comes out when they least expect it.

Moreover, all the unkind things the News broadcast share different cruelty that exists in the world. I think the portion that got to me the most is seeing a video of how this young nineteen-year-old male with violent behavior, walks into a school to start a mass shooting and took the life of seventeen and injury fourteen.

To see the blood of so many children bleeding from a gunshot wound and the cry of mothers and loved one left me feeling like I was at the end of my rope.

To gain back control of my emotions, I had to stop watching the news and listening to the statistics. After all, no person of sound mind would do such a thing because what he did is unbelievable and unthinkable.

That day I had to realize some hard truths about the world, and that revelation is it will just, keeps on going with or without you.

So, I came to the realization this place has given me nothing but taken much away from me, but yet I have to live here to endure, and to do that it depends on my outlook on life.

From this viewpoint, I can share with the readers, with great confidence, that at some points in our lives, we have to let go of the hurt and choose to look at life as it is to grow.

Now, I use my eyes to look at the world as it is today. After viewing so much evil, my thoughts were as long as sinful people live, and refuse to accept responsibility for their action things will never change or get better.

Furthermore, this generation and the one to come will continue to be shackled in chains, linked by sin that imprisons the soul.

Because so much violence is going on, some of us box ourselves into a closed crate that we have carefully designed, trying to protect ourselves from the things we fear.

However, we must not do this because what we are doing is closing ourselves off to the possibility and significance of life.

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom. Rumi

Ways to get through the worst of times:

• Acknowledge what you are feeling.

• Self-care

• Stop feeling you at fault

• Promote a positive mindset.

• Accept that when grieving sometimes you will have a sad day for no apparent reason.

• Turn to a support person for help.

• Turn internal to heal inner wounds.

• Let go and stop pushing

When someone loses a loved one, pain is unavoidable. What is more, you will never truly recover until you cope with your loss and allow yourself to grieve. Moreover, you will not be able to rid the sadness until you accept what you are going through and then can you let go of the pain to start living again. And I say when you lose someone precious to you; there’s an emptiness inside that is hard to fill. Nonetheless, during difficult times, you may want to escape or drown the pain out the best way possible.

To grieve, does not mean closing yourself inside a box or a crate. You must be willing to think outside the box and know there is something external better and accept the resources that will help you deal with your misery.

Devastating heartbreak like sudden illness, unexpected death or a surprising break up can leave us all feeling quite vulnerable and lost.

Moreover, no matter how strong we think we are, trying to keep from feeling helpless is almost impossible.

For that reason, it’s significant to keep in mind that even though you may feel powerless — you’re not. To all who have ever felt shattered and lost, you can reclaim your life and start again.

There is no pain so great as struggling with betrayal as it is a good reason to be upset at a person close to you who violates your trust. Deception is one of the most devastating defeat anyone can experience.

Moreover, it’s hard to know what to say to someone when the pain doesn't disappear, and the wounds don't heal. Sometimes the pain comes too much that it leads the person to feel detached from their bodies, emotions, environments – even their families.

There’s an old Chinese proverb; "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love, leaves a memory no one can steal."

Coping with the loss of a loved one is life's most stressful experience and, on the anniversary date, most people encounter grief and sadness.

However, until a person has gone through the painful process and willing to come to terms with the loved one has died, they cannot ‘let go’ of their attachment to the lost person and ‘move on.’

Although your experience a tremendous loss, the person who is still alive will never be the same once they have suffered a significant loss.

Though as the time passes the grieving person will find the strength to move on, recover, and begin to live life fully again.

In a perfect world, all would go just as we wanted; we'd have unlimited resources, the ideal job, a nice car, and a long-term love but, of course, we must live in the real world.

It doesn’t have unlimited resources, we have to pay taxes and so much more and sometimes we have to deficit our needs to pay down debts.

In real life, it involves grief, a complicated career, bad relationships, and a high maintenance, car and can be entirely different from the perfect world.

Moreover, what's more, we live in a ‘Get over it,’ and ‘Move on’ society, due to that saying some people miss so much, it's no wonder we are a generation that is full of an enormous amount of pain, sometimes too much for one person to handle.

Can you remember a time when you found yourself coping with grief or loss, if so, what was your approach?

See results

Grief & Loss Quiz. This quiz is designed to help give you understand whether you may be affected by complicated grief due to the death or loss of a loved one.

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WHITNEY HOUSTON: Where Do Broken Hearts Go - HD - HQ (original sound)

Beyoncé - Broken-Hearted Girl (Video)

© 2018 Pam Morris

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    • Pam Morris profile imageAUTHOR

      Pam Morris 

      3 months ago from Atlanta Georgia

      Rajan,

      Thank you so much for your reply. You are so right, "Time is the greatest healer" and the emotional pain will grow less as time passes and in time, time will heal all pain. Although time is not a medication where a person can take two pills to relieve their pain, yet that healing is within all of us. We get to decide when will that time come. It is that moment when we choose to let go of all hurt and pain that is when we are healed.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 

      3 months ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Time is the greatest healer. The pointers you have mentioned in this article will surely aid up the process. Thanks for sharing this useful article.

    • Pam Morris profile imageAUTHOR

      Pam Morris 

      7 months ago from Atlanta Georgia

      Ryan, Thank you so much for sharing, I am sorry to read about your life-threatening surgery, I know it wasn't easy, and you cannot just ‘Get over it’ and ‘Move on,' it takes time to recover. For some longer than others.

    • Ryan Cornelius profile image

      Ryan Jarvis Cornelius 

      7 months ago from Hollywood Florida

      Great hub here. This world says it in a way that hurts but followers of GOD should not. I had two life threatening surgeries before 35. One at 17. Moving on wasn't easy but it was something that I was motivated to do.

    • Pam Morris profile imageAUTHOR

      Pam Morris 

      7 months ago from Atlanta Georgia

      Nicely stated, thank you Shyron for stopping by

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      7 months ago from Texas

      If you have not felt grief,

      How would you know if you have felt love?

      Love keeps you inspired

      Grief keeps you humble

      *

      *

      Blessings my friend

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