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Coping with Grief in a ‘Get Over it’ and ‘Move On’ World

Updated on May 26, 2018
Pam Morris profile image

Writing is my passion. I have an undying thirst and quest in the field of writing. Some eat, drink or use drugs when stress, I write.

For those who have experienced defeat, disappointment, betrayal, loss or trauma, the expression ‘Gets over it’ and ‘Move On’ is a difficult perception to accept. These reactions are often normal responses to trauma but if you have ever come into contact with hurt, or profound sadness, you can recognize it in others and aimlessness associate it with the situation described here; you know that it’s not that easy to ‘Get over it” or just ‘Move on.’

When someone loses something very precious to them like a spouse, friend, family member or a pet the grief can be extreme. While experiencing the pain, it seems the hurt will never go away. A person may even feel they will never be the same or whole again. However, after months or a year into the sadness, people look at how the survivor handle the grief and their sentiment is ‘He or she need to ‘Get over it’ and ‘Move on.’

“But in all of the sadness, when you’re feeling that your heart is empty, and lacking, you’ve got to remember that grief isn’t the absence of love. Grief is the proof that love is still there.” ~ Tessa Shaffer, Heaven Has No Regrets

According to research, women are more likely to get Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) over men, and genes make females more at risk. After a traumatic encounter, everyone hopes they'll be able to go on walking, talking and even smiling. For many of us, a traumatic event will inevitably cause significant suffering. To those who have suffered a traumatic experience, it can cast a long shadow over your life. And the expression ‘Gets over it’ and ‘Move On’ is a painful perception to accept.

Maybe you know someone who has experienced sexual abuse or perhaps you experience it yourself. Sexual assault is a humiliating, terrifying, and brutal offense and yet anyone can be assaulted. Moreover, no one is exempt, and no victim of an attack should be blamed, or deserves to have it happen to them. While traumatic events can happen to anyone, you’re more likely to be traumatized if you're already under a heavy stress load. If you have ever come into contact with pain or any depression, you experience unexplained aches and pains that don't go away, and you understand that the phrase ‘Gets over it’ and ‘Move On’ is not an easy expression to accept.

“The ‘gift’ of grief is that it presents us with the opportunity to heal and grow.” ~ Jewish Proverb

Grief is a type of emotion that has a personality of its own; you never know how or when it will raise its head and take a toll on you. And more, it conducts every feeling within you, and sometimes there’s no way to distinguish it. There may be a day as to where you cry unfathomably, and some days you feel so hurt and numb that you can’t sob, and in other moments you are so unhappy or filled with a lot of pain you just don't know what you are experiencing or just what to do.

Reflecting back on a time when my emotion overpowers me with sadness, I can remember feeling extremely sad sitting in front of the window with the blind up, and the curtain open gazing up at the stars viewing the beautiful night sky. As I looked up at the twinkling stars, and the dark sky, I can remember being over-emotional and full of thoughts. That night in many ways, my heart felt as if it would break into thousands of pieces as it palpitates in my chest and the ache I felt was unbearable.

I guess what brought about the flow of emotions I was holding down is I had just stopped looking at the News, listening at all going on in the world today and how life is bittersweet. I didn’t think hearing very unpleasant or disturbing news would trigger all sorts of unsettling, uncomfortable and alarming feelings inside. However it did, and it made me realize I was not in touch with my emotional state, well not enough to grasp that I had so much sadness and pain buried inside. When a person doesn’t deal with the source of their pain, it sometimes comes out when they least expect it.

Moreover, all the unkind things the News broadcast share different cruelty that exists in the world. I think the segment that got to me the most is viewing the grief and hurt of many family members. To watch the video of how this young nineteen-year-old male with violent behavior, walks into a school to start a mass shooting and take the life of seventeen and injury fourteen. To see many cries and mourn the loss of their loved one was just heartbreaking. No person of sound mind would do such a thing because what he did is unbelievable and unthinkable.

After viewing the video, my thoughts were as long as sinful people live, and refuse to accept responsibility for their action things will never change or get better. Furthermore, this generation and the one to come will continue to be shackled in chains, linked by sin that imprisons the soul. Because so much violence is going on, some of us box ourselves into a closed crate that we have carefully designed, trying to protect ourselves from the things we fear. But we must not do this because what we are doing is closing ourselves off to the possibility and significance of life.

To grieve, does not mean closing yourself inside a box or a crate. You must be willing to think outside the box and know there is something external better and accept the resources that will help you deal with your monotony. Devastating heartbreak like sudden illness, unexpected death or a surprising break up can leave us all feeling quite vulnerable and lost. And no matter how strong we think we are, trying to keep from feeling helpless is almost impossible. For that reason, it’s significant to keep in mind that even though you may feel powerless — you’re not. To all who have ever felt shattered and lost, you can reclaim your life and start again.

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom. Rumi

Ways to get through the worst of times:

• Acknowledge what you are feeling.

• Self-care

• Stop feeling you at fault

• Promote a positive mindset.

• Accept that when grieving sometimes you will have a sad day for no apparent reason.

• Turn to a support person for help.

• Turn internal to heal inner wounds.

• Let go and stop pushing

When someone loses a loved one, pain is unavoidable. What is more, you will never truly recover until you cope with your loss and allow yourself to grieve. Moreover, you will not be able to rid the sadness until you accept what you are going through and then can you let go of the pain to start living again. And I say when you lose someone precious to you; there’s an emptiness inside that is hard to fill. Nonetheless, during difficult times, you may want to escape or drown the pain out the best way possible.

There is no pain so great as struggling with betrayal as it is a good reason to be upset at a person close to you who violates your trust. Deception is one of the most devastating defeat anyone can experience. Moreover, it’s hard to know what to say to someone when the pain doesn't disappear, and the wounds don't heal. Sometimes the pain comes too much that it leads the person to feel detached from their bodies, emotions, environments – even their families. There’s an old Chinese proverb; "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love, leaves a memory no one can steal."

Coping with the loss of a loved one is life's most stressful experience and, on the anniversary date most people encounter grief and sadness. However, until a person has gone through the painful process and willing to come to term with the loved one has died they cannot ‘let go’ of their attachment to the lost person and ‘move on.’ Although you experience a tremendous loss, the person who is still alive will never be the same once they have suffered a significant loss. Though as the time passes the grieving person will find the strength to move on, recover, and begin to live life fully again.

In a perfect world, all would go just as we wanted; we'd have unlimited resources, the ideal job, a nice car and a long-term love but, of course, we must live in the real world. It doesn’t have unlimited resources, we have to pay taxes and so much more and sometimes we have to deficit our needs to pay down debts. In real life, it involves grief, a complicated career, bad relationships and a high maintenance car and can be entirely different from the perfect world. And what's more, we live in a ‘Get over it,’ and ‘Move on’ society, due to that saying some people miss so much, it's no wonder we are a generation that is full of an enormous amount of pain, sometimes too much for one person to handle.

Can you remember a time when you found yourself coping with grief or loss, if so, what was your approach?

See results

Grief & Loss Quiz. This quiz is designed to help give you understand whether you may be affected by complicated grief due to the death or loss of a loved one.

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WHITNEY HOUSTON: Where Do Broken Hearts Go - HD - HQ (original sound)

Beyoncé - Broken-Hearted Girl (Video)

© 2018 Pam Morris

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    • Pam Morris profile image
      Author

      Pam Morris 2 months ago from Atlanta Georgia

      Ryan, Thank you so much for sharing, I am sorry to read about your life-threatening surgery, I know it wasn't easy, and you cannot just ‘Get over it’ and ‘Move on,' it takes time to recover. For some longer than others.

    • Ryan Cornelius profile image

      Ryan Jarvis Cornelius 2 months ago from Hollywood Florida

      Great hub here. This world says it in a way that hurts but followers of GOD should not. I had two life threatening surgeries before 35. One at 17. Moving on wasn't easy but it was something that I was motivated to do.

    • Pam Morris profile image
      Author

      Pam Morris 3 months ago from Atlanta Georgia

      Nicely stated, thank you Shyron for stopping by

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 3 months ago from Texas

      If you have not felt grief,

      How would you know if you have felt love?

      Love keeps you inspired

      Grief keeps you humble

      *

      *

      Blessings my friend

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