Correction of My Reality
My Upfront Apologies
This piece was inspired by a frustrating few months of dealing with a variety of people and their perceived notion of who they really are and how others view them. I think I realized that the more they talked and described themselves, the more I realized that they had no sense of reality. I asked myself if anyone ever really tries to be introspective or are we so arrogant and selfish that we just have no desire to do so. I began a journey into myself and discovered quite a few unpleasant rooms in my personal “house”. Rooms that needed cleaning out and airing so that others would want to come in and visit there. I talked to a few people and realized that they did not know that there were stinky, cluttered rooms in their own lives that were preventing others from getting close. So, I created a character that I’m addressing in this piece that is really a mixture of all these people that I’ve been dealing with (maybe even a little bit of myself). Some are friends and some are relatives. But each one has an uncanny knack of believing themselves to have certain personality traits that no one else on the planet sees. My apology as I vent and get it all out, but too much bottling up is not good for the soul (or the health of your spouse). So explains the sarcasm that follows.
Thank You for the Correction
I was listening to you talk last night and you were mentioning how you were such a good listener and could take criticism better than anyone else you knew and also all those other wonderful traits you were humbly telling this person. Really got me to thinking and I decided that I don’t know you too well after all and I want to apologize.
You mentioned your listening skills. I just wanted to verify that I’ve really misunderstood some things in our past and to apologize for them if that is so. Good listening….. I’m sorry that I did not realize this as I was telling you about my new boss last week….and the next day you arguing (quite vehemently) that I have never told you that the old one had been fired. So sorry about that. And also, about getting my feelings hurt when Christmas rolled around and your gift to me was something I had not collected or been into for over 10 years. I must never have told you any of my new hobbies like you are now saying that I have neglected to do.
I also wanted to say thank you for pointing out to your friend who was visiting the other night how overly sensitive I am and how I cry so easily. I did not realize that when you told a room full of people that I was not a good cook and all mistakes that I had made (even the ones that I had now inherited that other people had made) that I was being too sensitive. I’ll work on that.
I’m also going to work on how I handle any crisis that comes my way since it seems that I don’t do it well from what you have been saying a lot lately. I’ll make sure that I follow your example of screaming and cussing loudly and having to be restrained the next time my children get hurt and need medical attention. This holding myself together until it is all over is just not working.
I’m also going to have to look into not letting disappoint and concern over you be so evident. When you told me that you had started smoking again and I was disappointed for you because I knew how hard it was to stop, you let me know how much that hurt hearing my disappointment and concern and you stated that you didn’t want to speak to me again. I’m so sorry that I was wanting to be there for you even then.
This issue with me being cold and detached I’ll have to work on, too. I know how much you have been complaining about how I just will not be open and friendly with you and will not have conversations with you. The next time we are visiting and you stay at your computer playing computer games or hush me because your show came on during the dinner party you invited me to, I’ll remember to work on my unfriendliness.
I’ll also work on checking with you about how I respond to my children. You’ve pointed out so many times how I’m too hard on them when they tell me a lie and I punish them. Then you so lovingly let me know that when they throw a fit that I’m not hard enough. Next time, I’ll ask your wise direction before I act.
I’ll also try to email every day but I think I need a little clarification on this on. I used to be good about this but you began to tell me that you were too busy to answer and to please stop. Just today, you got very upset with me because I don’t email you anymore and wanted to know the deep rooted problems that I must have with you. Sorry I didn’t answer the only email you sent me in 5 months. I figured since we talked on the phone not two hours after you sent it that I didn’t have to. I’ll work on that, too.
I’ll also work on having something for us to talk about. I’ll have to begin to talk politics or begin to fall in love in certain stars if we are going to talk at all.
I’ll look into that psychiatrist, too. You mentioned many times how much I need one. This sleeping all the time during the day because you are up all night with the lights on and making loud noises have nothing to do with it at all. I’m obviously depressed because of that.
I’ll also talk to the doc because I have too much anger. I’m sorry that I get upset when you call every single night as I’m giving my little one a bath, or that you call repeatedly while out to dinner with my husband (which rarely happens) until I answer. You are right that I over-react.
I’m also sorry that my anger causes me to get upset when you argue with me about what my middle name is and how I spell my child’s name. I do have a tendency to forget those things. So thank you for pointing that out to me.
I’ll also like to apologize for not remembering anything that happened in the past correctly. You are right about how I reacted when my first child was born (though you were not present, I’ll trust you). You are also right that all these pictures I have during the holidays that show us at my sister’s house were really at your house each year. So funny how you two decorate exactly the same way.
I’m also sorry for reading my book the other day while we were visiting your house. I just got bored sitting there while you surfed the internet and played online games.
I’ll also work on having a better relationship with you. When I call and you can’t talk (which is pretty much every time) I’ll not care when you call and get mad because I don’t answer when I’m busy. I’ll also sit and listen since I can’t get a word in otherwise. That might help our relationship.
I’m also so sorry that I would call you argumentative. The next time you tell me, an accountant, the correct IRS mileage rate and how to correctly prepare taxes I’ll listen and make sure you go with me to the IRS during my audit. I’ll also never question you correcting me on every actor that I name that is in a movie that I just watched and the correct title of the book I just finished reading. When I say that the sky is blue I’ll defer to your ruling of pink.
I’m also sorry that today I ate that piece of cake you put in front of me after dinner and hounded me to eat it. And then admit that I eat too much as I eat a piece of bread with my meds so that I will not have an upset stomach. You know best.
I’m also so sorry that I didn’t tell you about my new dog. The fact that you complain if anyone gets a pet and the complaints usually go on for months in every conversation had nothing to do it. You also mentioned that I hold too much of my life from you. OK, well hubby and I……..
I’m also sorry that I didn’t let you review the book I am about to publish that I have never told you about though I could have sworn you were present during my discussions at the last family gathering and the dinner in which my husband was going on about it with pride. Your usual negative comments would really have helped my self esteem and I deeply regret not having you mark it up and rewrite it.
I’m also so sorry for being sensitive when you called me a “Plain Jane” and pointed out that I’m not graceful. You are right. My apologies for that. And also for being a little hurt when I crocheted you the afghan that I took so much pride in and you pointed out three stitches that were not quite right in front of everyone.
I’m also sorry that I’ve always believed you to have a faulty memory. You are right that I have been married 13 years (though my marriage license states 15). You are so right when I got married that I had to have you show me how to boil water because I knew absolutely nothing at my first Thanksgiving dinner. (The fact that I made everything by myself but the gravy because you were so eager to show me your method did not happen.) Thank you for telling this story at every Thanksgiving meal now. I really appreciate it.
I would also like to apologize on thinking that you are an inattentive downright scary driver. The fact that most people fight over who will drive so that you don’t have to or that people pay others to sit in the front seat with you because they fear for their life is way over-exaggerated. You are the clam driver you claim to be.
Apologies for thinking you gossip too much, also. I thought that when you had to tell everyone at the pot luck about whose car was in the neighbor’s driveway all night and who was now expecting out of wedlock was considered gossiping. You are right. You were just stating facts. Please continue.
I also want to say that I’m sorry that I got upset when you entered my office when I wasn’t around and straightened everything up. That included all the drawers with personal financial information and confidential business information. And thank you for throwing away those scraps of paper with all those codes and directions on them. I really needed to put in those extra hours the next day to rediscover them.
I will work on these issues that I have and correct the way I view you. You are right. You are the most attentive, caring, calm, rational, peaceful, and above all humble person that you claim to be. I’m so glad you set me straight on this.