Crying on the inside
Faces of Hope
Coping with sad things
I am trying my best to cope and deal with the sad and difficult aspects of life we face and sometimes I must admit it can be overwhelming at times and I feel I have no one to turn to. We all seem to live in our own little world even when we are amongst family and friends. My biggest concern is being the best I can be so I can help my son find his way in this sometimes confusing and heartless world we live in. I can not help but feel that we live in a place that is cold and unfeeling. Every time I see the news all I see and hear is tragedy and the state of the economy and how so many people are out of work and suffering and we all are scared that we can be in this situation as well and lose everything. It sometimes makes me wonder why it is so hard. I try to explain to my son that he should be happy and that he has so much to live for. The reality however is that there is so much uncertainty and living today is so very expensive and so many people are living way beyond their means and are in all sorts of financial trouble.
I try as best I can to tune out the news because it is very depressing. We had a nice little break with the holidays but to me it seems so contrived because it is short lived and all the goodwill extended is quickly forgotten as we face a new year hoping and praying it will be better than the one we just lived through. I am trying my best to be optimistic and hopeful but it is hard when you realize you are only one paycheck away from missing your monthly obligations. Having a special needs child means lots of medical attention and the bills that are not covered by insurance seemingly are put aside in hopes that they will be paid in due time. I do not intentionally not pay these mounting bills and despite the fact that I work 2 jobs it still does not seem to make a dent in these mounting obligations.
I feel so desperate sometimes that I just want to cry. My son is a wonderful kid but he is struggling and now faces his days at home without a school to go to. It really weighs on me heavily and I wonder why he has so many emotional and behavioral difficulties. I try to relate to his situation but it is hard because I never had to deal with school suspensions or getting in trouble like he has been experiencing and I am not on the autistic spectrum like he is. I am also very frustrated because I pay my real estate taxes which part goes to fund education in the public school system and my son is not even getting schooled right now. I am extremely upset and feel completely helpless in trying to find a proper school environment that will help him with his special needs.
I am always delighted to hear the heart warming stories of lottery winners who really needed the money and were in financial distress before now breaking free and having hope. I sometimes play the lottery but to me it is false hope because the chances of winning is so infinitesimally small that you are only wasting your money on the ticket. With my son's special needs the money can be used for more important things than an unrealistic dream that only happens for a lucky few. To me the lottery is not practical because it is not far reaching. I feel it would be much more helpful to pay out $50,000.00 to 1,000 families then 50,000,000.00 to 1 lucky winner. That is my personal opinion on the lottery. I think it would be more equitable and a lot more helpful for 1,000 families to get back on their feet again with a hope and renewed faith than 1 family not knowing what to do with all that money. It makes no sense given the times we live in.
I sometimes wonder what gets in the head of a young man in his early 20's that causes him to have so much anger that he falls astray of the law and starts on a shooting rampage in hopes of shooting and killing a political figure. I was heartbroken when I learned of the recent shooting in Tuscon, Arizona that claimed the lives of 6 people including a 9 year old girl who was invited to go to a political rally in her neighborhood at a local supermarket by a neighbor who was proud of the little girl's accomplishment of being elected to a student council position in her class. She had so much promise and was such a sweetheart and now she is gone. This little girl was born on September 11, 2001 a very happy day for her family but a very sad day as we experienced terrorism like we never had.
This girl was a sign of hope and for better days ahead and yet she died so tragically and was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time just like all who died on September 11, 2001. It breaks my heart to hear of such tragedy and this is why I feel it is so necessary to tune the news out because it is usually very sad. Another twist in this sad story is that this poor little girl, Christina Green is the daughter of a baseball scout for the Los Angeles Dodgers and the grand daughter of a legendary baseball player and manager, Dallas Green who managed the Phillies, Mets and Yankees. Tragedy touches all from everyday people to the well known of celebrity and it just makes me wonder why these tragedies occur so regularly it seems and why so many innocent people have to die for no reason.
I do not know Christina Green who died so tragically but I am affected by it and feel very sad that she died knowing she deserved a better fate. She was featured in a book written about babies born on 9/11/01 and she was selected as the baby born from her state as the book featured one baby born that day from each state in the country and it was written with a hope and a promise for a better future despite such a tragic day. Her untimely death is just another tragic tale in American history. I am also a baseball and a NY Met fan so I know of Dallas Green, her grand father and I am very sad for their loss.
I am touched by my own personal experiences and with the relationships I have with my wife and my son and all that have come into my life and I want to do everything within my power to help my son develop a confidence and a feeling of joy and comfort in his life. I am also touched by people and events but I find that there are too many sad things that happen for which we have no control over and though we are not directly affected I feel we are indeed affected in some way. To this day I still remember when I first learned of Princess Diana's death and how sad I felt upon learning of it and wondering why such a tragedy had to occur. It just seems so bittersweet to live the life of a princess and to have to die in such a horrific way fleeing the people who hounded her just to get a story. They indeed did get a story on that very sad day.
The day that sticks out in my mind and will be etched there until the day I die will be 9/11/01 with those surreal visions of those planes striking the twin towers at different times and wreaking such havoc and causing so much death and destruction. I know we don't live in a perfect world but we certainly feel that we all should respect one another and never have to see such pain and suffering as we did that fateful day that we will never forget.
It seems in life we will have to cope with sad days and we hope that we will find our way and live as we should to do all we can to make our lives full and filled with a hope and promise that we will pass on to our children.
Edward D. Iannielli III