Cyclothymia Disorder - The Mild Bi-Polar Disease
Symptoms of Cyclothymia Disorder
I could do anything. There was no mountain high enough and no ocean deep enough. Give me a challenge. In fact, give me a list of challenges because I am on an unstoppable high. Drugs? For heavens sake no! Who needs drugs when you are lucky enough to feel this way naturally?
I had never heard of a disorder called Cyclothymia, the mild Bi-polar disease. I just thought I had an over-stimulated brain.
And talk about your energy. I had enough energy to fill a hot air balloon. I could work 80 hours a week, keep the house sparkling clean, shop, run a web-site single-handedly, socialize and take on everyones' problems all by myself. What a woman!
But wait...something is terribly wrong. I suddenly lost my feelings of euphoria and superiority. Completely uncontrollable, I was losing myself. A cold, deep darkness begins to settle in surrounding me, playing tag with my emotions until every feeling of joy and well being are buried and consumed.
Stop the World - I Wanna Get Off!
I do not want to get out of bed. I think I have the flu. My body aches and I find that I can barely put one foot in front of the other. I must cancel my music students. Teaching is out of the question. I reach for the phone as I locate my list of students for the day. I make my calls and appreciate the sympathetic voices on the other line. I am wished a speedy recovery and get well soon. Some clients even offer to come by and fix me something to eat. I do not want to see anyone. I want to be left alone.
My voice mail will pick up all messages. I cannot bare to talk with anyone today. Accept for my children. If my children call, I will use my cheery voice to disguise how terrible I feel. They must not know. No one must know how hopeless my world looks right now.
No one must see what a terrible person I am.
Cyclothymia and The Noisy Inner Dialogue
"I am not worth much. I am not a success. In fact, I am a failure. And the person viewed on the television talk show last week? Well, that wasn't me. It was all smoke and mirrors. Just a lonely, scared little girl sitting in front of some cameras pretending to be something she wasn't." Oh, sure, all the facts were correct and she has worked very hard to come so far but somewhere deep inside she looks at herself as an imposter.
Someone suggests to me that I may be depressed. Ha! Now thats one for the books. I never get depressed. And what on earth would I have to be depressed about? I have it all. And let's not forget about the opportunites available for me to perform How I loved my audiences and their appreciation for my talent. Boy, do they ever love me. They think I'm just great. (My mind talking to me. Notice that It's all about me.)
I suddenly feel better. My crying has subsided and I feel like taking a shower. Maybe I will go for a walk. And I just bet I have a ton of email waiting for me. As long as I'm at the computer, I will start some new articles about singing. And I must remember to call my photographer for some new head shots. My website needs some tweaking too. And the kitchen is calling my name. I can't wait to get started. but first...I feel like shopping and Nordstrom is having a sale.
Cyclothymia - Mood Cycles
Cyclothymia Disorder is no "walk-n-the-park."
Moods fluctuate. You find yourself going from depression to hypomania and then back again. And even though, compared to bi-polar disorder, the sensations are mild, it's still like being on a roller coaster ride. The moods are totally unpredictable and can last for days to an entire week. You have absolutely no idea what is happening to you. The mood swings and irrational behavior all seem normal to you.
My mother, a highly intelligent and talented woman, may have had bi-polar. It is thought that cyclothymia is a genetic disorder although this has not been proven.
My Doctor tried to explain her diagnosis and why I suffered with mood swings. I went right in to denial. But I had sense enough to realize that I needed some help and began taking my presription for Paxil.
I will forever be grateful for this drug, my empathetic and wise Doctor and the self-management I came to learn.
What is Paxil?
For me, paxil is the greatest thing since sliced bread. It's in a class of drugs referred to as SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors). All that means is it acts on the serotonin levels in the brain. So my serotonin levels are unbalanced and the medication helps in the release of more serotonine. It's a little complicated but makes perfect sense to me. And the main thing is...it works.
I no longer hide the "shame" I have lived with for having this disturbance. I can thank a fellow hubber for that. She wrote a well-written poem about bi-polar disorder.
As with all medications side effects can occur. I understand that the worst thing you can do is to stop taking this drug abruptly. If you suspect you may have cyclothymia or bi-polar symptoms be sure to see your doctor.
The thing is, when you're going through these mood swings, you don't recognize that anything is wrong. And the last thing that enters your mind, is that you may need some help.
The Greatest Love of All is Learning to Love Yourself
An open-book about Bi-Polar Disease by Dana
For a "real life" experience of what it's like to live with Cycothymia and Bi-Polar disease, this hub is revealing and well written. Our own Danatheresa shares her unseen pain.
Help for Cyclothymia - Conclusion
My experience with cylothymia happened a very long time ago. Today I am completely healthy and symptom free. In fact as I was writing this hub, it seemed like a bad dream. On the positive side, having gone through this, I know what it's like and I can help others. And that's what it's all about.
It was while reading a very well-written poem by RNSMN, http://rnmsn.hubpages.com/hub/To-Be-Normal, that I became inspired to write my story and stuggle with Cylothymia. I haven't really thought about it for a very long time. I guess I kind of went in to a denial mode when I was diagnosed all those years ago. I felt a huge amount of shame and...well...this is the first time I have ever talked about it, to anyone.
All I can say is - thank you for bringing me out of the darkness and into the light.
I encourage anyone with this disorder to seek help with a qualified Doctor. Medications are available and may be the answer so don't put it off. You deserve to discover who you really are and live a life of stability and joy.
Below are some helpful links for Cyclothymia:
Do You Experience Periods of High and Low Regularly?
© 2011 Audrey Hunt