ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Dear John, We Love You And It's Okay (My Last Love Letter To My Husband)

Updated on December 30, 2020

My Husband, My LIfe

During the last two years, I have been my husband’s caregiver. The last ten days, my husband has been hospitalized. He has been on so much medication, he either sleeps, is in pain, or very agitated and aggressive. He is so NOT himself. I know I will never have another chance to tell him all the things I want to tell him. However, everyday when I arrive and each night before I leave I whisper in his ear………….I love you. Here is my letter to my husband. I know he will probably never read it or even hear it, but I’m sure he already knows how much I truly love him. I just needed to put it in writing.

John and Cindi 1993
John and Cindi 1993 | Source
John and Cindi 1993
John and Cindi 1993 | Source
John and Johnny 2003
John and Johnny 2003 | Source
John and Johnny 1996
John and Johnny 1996 | Source
John and Cole 1993
John and Cole 1993 | Source
John and our youngest grandson 2010
John and our youngest grandson 2010 | Source

Our Life, Our Love

Dear John,

Twenty years ago, we met……I was 26 and you were 54. We started out as friends, and then you became my knight in shining armor. I always felt safe in your arms. When I was with you and even now nothing else matters. We had such a beautiful whirlwind romance… always made me feel like a princess. For some reason you always felt the need to shower with me with gifts, but the only gift I needed was your love. And you gave this with all your heart.

As in any relationship, we have had our ups and downs. Through it all we stayed together. So many people said our love would never last. When you first was diagnosed with a dilated cardio-myopathy, they thought I’d bolt. I didn't! When you had a pacemaker-defibulator and so many times in and out of the hospital with congestive heart failure, they still thought I’d run. I didn't! After your diagnosis of COPD, and your car accident. I’m still here! And even now, so sick from cancer, and I’m still standing by your side. That’s what you do when you love someone. Boy, did we surprise them! Today I love you as much as I loved you in the beginning.

You have been a wonderful husband, and father to our son as well as my son from my previous marriage. You took Cole on his first hunt, you were there when he shot his first deer, and his first turkey, you gave him his first gun. You had so many firsts with a little boy who adored you and respected you. When his father wasn't there for him, you always were to show him love and nurturing. Even when he grew up, you didn't approve of the choices he made, but you always loved him as if he were your own.

As for our son Johnny, he’s your namesake. I didn’t get a choice in his name, but I didn’t care. I remember the excitement on your face at the ultrasound appointment, when you discovered you were having another son. You absolutely glowed on the day Johnny was born. You were right there by my side holding my hand and an encouraging me to push. I remember you standing and watching them clean him up. I remember you said he has ten fingers and ten toes……he’s perfect.

You had a lot of firsts with Johnny, as well. When he was two you were the stay-at-home parent. Mr. Mom as we always referred to you. You cooked, you cleaned, you did the dishes, the laundry, mowed the grass, and raised our son to be a wonderful young man. You did all of this and so much more up until you were unable to do so a few years ago. He adores you! He loves you and you love him. The two of you created a bond nothing can break ever. The bond and the memories will always be there.

Just like his love for pasta… the two of you called it when he was little....... ‘pastie’. It was and still is his favorite. You spoiled him. He thought he had his own personal chef or restaurant at his finger tips. You would ask him what he wanted to eat. Guess what, you cooked it for him. I had a terrible time of getting him to realize he couldn’t always order what he wanted, once I started cooking.

Through the years, we’ve had so many good memories. Memories you have given to each and every one of us. You’ve given us something to hold onto. Memories which can never be taken away. These will last a lifetime. Our song, our theme, our're a part of me and I'm a part of you.........

Seeing you lying in that hospital bed breaks my heart. I don’t want you to suffer. I want you to find peace. God is watching over you. I just need you to know, if you’re hanging on for us. As much as it would break my heart to lose you, we will be okay. You were always there for us. You helped us all these years. I know your tired now. It’s okay if you go to sleep. Your body is tired and needs to rest. As much as I would miss you, I don’t want to see you suffer any longer. I sometimes feel through this I have been selfish. Selfish because I could never find the words to tell you, we’re okay, and we will be alright. As I kiss you on each eyelid, just know I will always love you. If you decide to sleep, we will meet again some day. You on your big white horse, riding in to save the day…..once again my knight in shining armor.

Just remember, I love you now and forever!

Love your,

Cindi Rae

© 2012 Cindi


Submit a Comment
  • proudmamma profile imageAUTHOR


    8 years ago from Parkersburg

    I loved my husband very much. I miss him every day. Just last night I cried myself to sleep. In fact, I have said repeatedly, I wish I could just skip the holidays. The holidays will not be the same without him this year. He was my one true love. He always told me I would never find anyone who would ever love me the way he did and I believe that I never will ever again. Thanks for taking time to stop and read my hub and posting a comment..

  • AngeleahTucker90 profile image

    Angeleah Tucker 

    8 years ago from South Dakota

    wow amazing! you are a wonderful woman as far as i can see. i can tell you love him with all your heart!! its hard to find love like that these days.

  • proudmamma profile imageAUTHOR


    8 years ago from Parkersburg

    Thank you Thundermama for taking time to read my hub and leave a comment. Memories can never be taken away, they will last forever.

  • Thundermama profile image

    Catherine Taylor 

    8 years ago from Canada

    Such a beautiful and personal thing to share. You will be so glad to have this down the road to help you remember this wonderful man. Just lovely.

  • proudmamma profile imageAUTHOR


    8 years ago from Parkersburg

    Thank you for leaving a comment. I wanted to pay him the tribute he so much deserved. Your tears, and mine every time I read it, is a true testament to this tribute. I loved him so much, and I miss him everyday! Thank you kindly for your thoughts and prayers. God Bless!

  • K. Burns Darling profile image

    Kristen Burns-Darling 

    8 years ago from Orange County, California

    I am wiping away the tears as I write this, what a beautifully written tribute to the love that you and your husband and children were blessed with.... I learned last year that sometimes those we love can hear with their hearts what we cannot say out loud just as clearly, maybe if even more clearly, as if they were hearing it with their ears. Your love for your John comes through so clearly in this letter that I think he heard the words even as you wrote them. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    Cindi.. Wow speechless...Love and Prayers Paula

  • Amber Bailey profile image

    Amber Bailey 

    8 years ago from Clarksburg, West Virginia

    He doesn't need to read this to feel your love. He already knows how much you love him. You, my friend are still such a strong woman and in such a little package :) I love ya

  • Rob Winters profile image

    Rob Winters 

    8 years ago

    Truely,truely touching.I have no doubt John knows exactly how you feel.Stay strong.

  • urmilashukla23 profile image


    8 years ago from Rancho Cucamonga,CA, USA

    Aww! SO beauiful! I know you are going thru a very difficult time,our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. God bless you!

  • Gloshei profile image


    8 years ago from France

    What a beautiful story, it goes to show how true love can hold together even at the worst times. You are in my thoughts and prayers. John knows you are there and can feel your love just by your touch. God bless.

  • Dr Kavita Shaikh profile image

    Dr Kavita Shaikh 

    8 years ago from MUSCAT

    True love stands the test of time!I am at a loss for words but I need to say just 4 words 'I Salute your Courage' It takes a huge amount of courage and selfless love to say 'It is ok if you decide to sleep'

  • teaches12345 profile image

    Dianna Mendez 

    8 years ago

    Wow. This is beautiful and touches the soul. You have experienced life at its best and have so much to show for it. Your husband seems like hero. I hope the best for you and your family and will say a prayer on his behalf. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful story.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)