Most People are Lonely and feel Lonely
What is Loneliness?
Loneliness is defined as having a smaller, or less satisfying network of social and intimate relationships than one desires.
In understanding loneliness
You must keep in mind that loneliness is a subjective experience, reflecting what one feels, and thinks about the interpersonal life.
It is not the same thing as solitude or being alone.
You can spend long periods of time alone without feeling lonely and you can feel terribly lonely in a crowd.
The lonely and non-lonely person does not differ in the quantity of their social interaction, instead in the quality of such exchanges.
Lonely people spend more time with strangers and acquaintances, and less time with friends and family than those who are not lonely.
Similar to social anxiety one can experience loneliness as both a short-lived state and a chronic long-term trait.
As when you arrive on campus in your freshman year, you must have experienced a temporary sense of loneliness until you integrated into college community.
Age, Gender, and Loneliness
Who suffers the most from loneliness?
The young adults, and adolescents are the loneliest group.
As people get older and pass their adult age they become less lonely when other relationships develop.
Why do adolescents and young adults become the loneliest?
They fall in and out of love, leave family, friends, and training and move to other places in search of better jobs and living.
All these can cause loneliness to most individuals.
Loneliness decreases with age, when one gets older and mature, one tends to have long relationships and marriages.
There are clear age differences in loneliness.
Gender differences are not as clear-cut.
Women have greater loneliness than men, however men and women are lonely for different reasons. Women are lonely if they lack one-to-one emotional sharing, the different pattern of loneliness reflects a difference in the friendship patterns of males and females.
Casual Attributions for Loneliness
Don't know how to start new relationships
One hasn't tried hard enough to meet others
Change is not for you
You feel other people don't want to mingle with you
You don't know anyone but hope things will get better when you meet other people
How often do you feel unhappy doing so many things alone?
How often do you feel you have nobody to talk to?
Can you tolerate being alone?
Do you feel nobody understands you?
Do you wait for people to call, write or email?
Do you feel completely alone?
Do you feel a lack of communication?
How often do you feel starved for company?
Is it difficult to make friends?
Do you feel excluded from others?
What makes social lives for most people so difficult?
A low self-esteem
People experience the unpleasant emotion, social anxiety due to their concern with interpersonal evaluation.
Social anxiety is not good for you, occasionally the individual avoids social interaction.
One can experience social anxiety even when alone, by simply anticipating an interaction in which you have a vested interested.
When socially anxious you are less likely to initiate interactions and when in an interaction you talk less. Sometimes stammer and stutter when speaking, one discloses less about themselves and sometimes withdraw from the anxiety producing situation altogether.
Most people have problems with social anxiety the unfortunate consequence of chronic social anxiety, or social anxiousness is that it can trap a person into increasingly unpleasant social exchanges.
The fear of negative thoughts from others
One avoids eye contact
Appears nervous and jittery
Those who have well-developed social skills find it easy to talk to strangers are perceived by others as friendly are not easily angered and possess high self esteem.
What makes a person socially skilled?
One of the most important factors determining social skills is the amount of personal attention given to one's partner in interaction.
People who are judged to be socially skilled direct more questions toward their conversational partners and make more positive personal statements about them.
On the other hand the unskilled are more self-focused and less responsive when conversing people habitually turn conversational topics to themselves without showing interest in their partner's topics.
That may be more prevalent in individualist cultures than in those with collectivist orientations.
The second factor related to social effectiveness is the ability to recognize and confirm to social norms.
People who have social skills problems often engage in situations improper behavior, like they may make new acquaintances uncomfortable by disclosing very personal details about their lives.
Although this sort of self-disclosure is important and valuable in intimate relationships it is considered inappropriate when interacting with strangers and new acquaintances.
Such norm violations generally discourage future encounters.
If you are having dinner for one that can be most lonely.
You can have a friend if you are a good friend.
How does loneliness affects people?
A feeling of being isolated, not wanted in society and the worst of all is when you are down and out. Loneliness can drain your energy.
When you are angry being lonely can make you insecure about life, the lack positivism becomes rare.
You can lose yourself and won't even know it.
The inner you fades and loneliness gets deeper, making you less powerful.
How do you feel when you listen to music during loneliness?
One can feel pain, and deep disappointment, something that can hurt very much from the inside.
The majority of young people of today experience loneliness, it is sad to see such aspects of life going down in mysterious ways.
However if people can create stable communities the issues of loneliness can be cured.
Life can be miserable if you let it be, loneliness causes misery, and lots of pain.
Most people are failures when they take to drugs and making it their comfort zones, thinking that it is the only way to cure their loneliness. Such individuals worsen these moments.
You can't say ''It is all I have'' be smarter and look else where for comfort, you must have family and friends somewhere to help you pass the bad times.
The easy way out, to get numbed and feel nothing of what you are going through. In the process you are only ruining your health and life.
Married, or single you can still experience loneliness. The way you choose to go about your life to prevent loneliness is up to you.
Define loneliness however you wish to but the truth is you can't avoid being lonely.
It is understandable for everyone to know what it is like to be lonely. Remember loneliness is part of your ability.
Loneliness comes with life you got to accept part of your life as lonely.
Individuals can be with everybody everyday, but deep down there is that lonely feeling that you just can't escape.
The greatest of people are lonely as they choose to lead and can only do this alone. Everything in such cases are experienced alone.
Whether you are in love or out of love loneliness can still be experienced, never think no part of you is lonely.
When do you feel the most loneliest?
Mostly when you need to be alone the feeling of loneliness creeps up. So ironic.
Do you think loneliness is the human condition?
You can never outgrow loneliness, and not many people will understand your loneliness.
Loneliness makes you feel unloved. If you are alone it can won't feel right or do right.
How can such things make loneliness go away?
How would you define loneliness?
Coping with Loneliness
How would you define loneliness?
© 2013 Devika Primić