ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Health»
  • Mental Health»
  • Emotions

Don't Lose Control-Dominate Desperation With Emotional Release

Updated on January 8, 2016
Elizabeth Ashland profile image

I am a happily married blessed wife, mother and grandmother who lived a very unconventional life which must be the Gemini in me.

Overwhelmed with Despair

The dread of waking up, facing the day, the continuous phone calls from unfriendly people suddenly became more than I could take. I was consumed with the sadness of what our life had suddenly become--due to a major health life event. Once a light hearted life, where smiles were contagious and laughter was abundant, suddenly became a life of tears, nervous knee jerk reactions and unconceivable fears. The temptation to just drop to my knees in the floor and cry out loud, pulling each hair from my head was always visible and playing like a movie in the forefront of my thoughts.

Shame, of what our life had become was also a dominate variable. How did we allow this to happen? After all we had dual insurance coverage, we had over 12,000.00 in one of our savings account. We certainly didn't live an exuberant lifestyle. We didn't need brand new cars or a brand new home, we were happy with the life we had. How could this had happened to us? Why had this happened to us? Can we recover? These were the dominant questions that played over and over in my mind.

Throughout my life, I have been involved in situations which left me feeling a great deal of regret. My choices to obtain what seemed to be immediate gratification always fell short of providing me any feelings of accomplishment or satisfaction. Twirling emotions in my head consisted of confusion of who I am and what others want me to be.

Now facing the devastating health issues with my beloved husband and best friend, I am again surrounded with the difficult decision to reach out and share with others my grief, fear and despair or to cover it up and make the world around me feel as though my life is grand. As a small child I was trained to never display your emotions as that was a sign of weakness and others will know you are not perfect; but meanwhile; I die piece by piece each day.

But I refuse to give in or to give up--I refuse to make unreasonable expectations or irrational emotional decisions. Even knowing I will have to go it alone; without the support of family, I will make this situation one of no regrets.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 2 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

      Breathe deeply and remember that you are completely surrounded by love. Everything in this world is always changing and unfortunately loss and illness are a part of that. The good news is that this too shall pass.

      Hold on to hope, and search for even the smallest glimmer of joy each day. You are strong. You can do this.

      Namaste

    • Elizabeth Ashland profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Ashland 2 years ago from Texas

      The fear of loss, sadness loneliness and seeing those you love suffer and you can only provide minimal physical comfort is devastating!!! Providing the emotional comfort is so much easier when it comes naturally from you undying love. The little turned up corner of their mouth or a quick sparkle in their eye--even though only a brief flashing moment in time is priceless, timeless and a memory with feelings that overcomes you and no one can ever take that away.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 2 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      When it seems that everything is falling down around us, we feel so alone and often think that no one else will understand what we are going though. Knowing that the time we have together is limited, and that one day we will be without our loved ones can be overwhelming.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)