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Depression: Support and Recovery

Updated on March 13, 2016

Hurting and Healing: An Open Letter on Depression and Recovery

I know I haven't been myself lately.

I'm writing this letter because, for some reason, my voice has failed me. The ability to say what I have been struggling with- to truly speak- is missing.

I have depression.

This is blunt, I know. You may even wonder if what I write is true. I understand. I don't always understand it myself.

Depression is an illness, just like any physical condition. I can't apologize for that. What is most painful, though, is how this illness has affected those around me. For that, I am sorry.

The best way I can describe having depression is this: imagine you are behind a glass wall. The people in your life are on the other side. You can hear each other, see each other, and talk to one another. Sometimes, you might think the wall isn't there, until the day ends and everyone begins to walk away from the wall. You try to follow them, only to hit glass. You're frustrated. You put your hands to the wall. Nothing. Everyone is gone.

I realize I put this wall up myself. For that, I am sorry. This wall, this depression, has hurt all of you. You do not deserve the frustration it has caused you. I know I may be distant sometimes, or act a bit strange. It can be uncomfortable and overwhelming. I'm working on it every day.

Many of you have gone out of your way to help me. Your kindness, your words and gestures, have stayed with me. I may have acted as though I did not appreciate or understand the help you have offered me, but that is far from the truth. I am so very grateful for it all.

I don't know why my mind works the way it does. I doubt I ever will. Sometimes, I get a bit lost. I know this may sound selfish, but, some days, I wish for a hug, or for someone to tell me that everything will be okay

If there is anything I want you to know, more than anything, it’s that I will get through the tough days. I will try, as much as I can, to silence depression. I will try to be the friend you need. I will take that wall down.

I hope you will be there when I do.

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    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 18 months ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      Depression is tough. I have fought with it for the past twenty five years. There are days when I stay behind the wall for protection. I don't want to get hurt, and it keeps me from feeling the pain. Then there are days when the wall is gone, and I go about my activities with renewed peace and understanding. I relish those days. Loneliness is a big part of the depression. I don't have close friends, or at least, I don't develop them for fear that I will let them down. When people start to get close to me, I put distance between us and find excuses not to see them. That way, I won't disappoint them or get hurt by them.