ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Disabled at 14: How I Set Myself Free From Me

Updated on April 15, 2017

What is it all about, anyways? That's what I found 14 year old, (and probably younger) me questioning constantly. So, while boys, sports, and girl's nights were partially on my conscience, so was the purpose to life, the reason for being, the cause for pain, beauty...happiness? yada...yada...yada. it becomes quite tedious after awhile, ya know?

With that being said, you can probably guess that 14 year old did not necessarily get to have raw conversations with anyone her own age, and let's be real, what 14 year old talks to their parents? Right.

So where does that leave it all? You're probably envisioning a depressed misunderstood kid who isolated themselves. But that's totally not the case. (At least, not yet in the story.) You see, in public I was always smiling. Pushing all the intellectual thoughts that racked my brain to the back so i could somewhat understand how to be a kid. Not that that ever happened, but I constantly tried.

But that can exhaust someone, who, actually is a kid. And it led to me improsining myself. Walking in a room and feeling like everyone was looking at you and why? What was wrong with you?

Saying something to someone and 2 days later going into mental paralysis because "Should you have said that?" "Could you have said something better?"

Crying yourself to sleep at night, never for any thing actually worth crying about--just because you felt like crying. And you want to scream for help, but, what could anyone help you with?

And yet, today-

This is not a sob story.

This is a success story.

This is for parents of those 14 year olds, this is for current, past, and future "14" year olds. Frankly, this is for my younger brother, because I see so much of me in him.

Mostly, this is for myself.

First off I want to make this clear-You can never blame anyone else for your unhappiness because "no one else gets it." That is how you become imprisoned, that is how you build a wall between you and the rest of this beautiful world.

The only way to let others understand you, is to realize that you have to take time to understand yourself, first.

It took about 6 long years to realize this for myself. And hey, I am probably lucky for that, as I sense there are elders who still have not liberated themselves.

And I promised myself if I ever got over this, if I ever kicked what ever was consuming myself in the ass- I'd share it in my most vulnerable way. So here's how I did it. Here's how I kicked myself in the ass.

And I'm going to keep this short. Because all it took was one scratch at that wall, and the rest came crumbling down, easy.

Let me tell you about fresh air. Not the cool breezy kind, I mean the free from negativity, free to live fresh air. Anyone who ever makes you feel constricted from living your desires, throw 'em to the curb. Granted, you feel like you lose a ton...but really, its just dead weight off your shoulders.

When you can finally breathe for yourself, without questioning anyone else's opinions, that's when you can have a conversation with YOU. Ask yourself what you want.

No one has to live with your choices but you. So, if you feel like living a different life than those around you-do it. DO IT. There is a reason you are being called to live like that, that is where your happiness resides.

And as for this digital world we live in. Do not live behind a screen! Get in touch with how real, raw life is supposed to feel. Use that screen at your own leisure, but do not let it confine you. Do not choose digital reality over sobering intimacy. Life is too god damn short. No one will remember you for your facebook statuses or cool pictures. Be real. Be human. If you live by a screen in which tou watch everyone else live, you will never learn how to do so for youself.

I can go into detail of the harships, and even my mini instances of where I started to build hope and tear at the wall I built around myself.

But let's face it, that shit's boring.

I'm simply hear to say I fucking did it.

And hey, if you really want to hear all the boring stuff, I'll tell you. I'll tell you it all, because I'm no longer trapped, and I am so proud.



    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)