Inner Communication is an Important Recovery Issue for Dissociative Identity Disorder - DID
Abuse and Trauma Steals Successful Communication with Self
Abuse is real and it happens somewhere to someone every day. When you see someone who had been abused repeatedly the external effects are visible but the inside effects and losses are invisible.
One of your greatest losses experienced through repetitive abusive and/or traumatic life-threatening experiences is the loss of communication with parts of yourself is a protective reaction. This disconnection can also be viewed as the separation of your head (thoughts) and body (emotions) otherwise known as dissociation. In very severe and complex cases, such as Dissociative Identity Disorder, communication with parts of self becomes non-existent, a complete compartmentalization of thoughts and emotions.
Abusers/perpetrators teach their victims, overtly and covertly, to not to listen to self because self caused the abuse or trauma to happen. Victims were taught that self was bad, dirty, damaged, defective, and worthless and especially sub-standard to everyone else. Realistically, if the aforementioned concept is correct, and self is at fault then why would the victim ever want to listen self (or parts of self), or have a relationship with someone (self) believed was less than others?
From that point on a victim only listens to information about themselves from external sources (abusers, or other people). Abuser's force the victim to adopt the abuser’s "false truth" about the victim, not the victim's truth about self. Acceptance of the abuser's distorted false truth and rejection of self is viewed by the abuser as a demonstration of loyalty to the abuser and a major indication that the programming or indoctrination has successfully been embedded.
What is the result?
As a result of no internal communication between parts of yourself, there is a sense of emptiness, loneliness, fear, and uneasiness. To counter those feelings, attempts are made to fill the emptiness with inappropriate relationships with addictions, self-rejecting acts, other people, objects, jobs, money, symbols or status even though these relationships might be abusive, damaging, unhealthy, harmful or toxic. Self and parts of self no longer matter to the victim because the thoughts become “I would rather be with someone else then with myself, "I hate living in my own skin", "I hate me”.
Without this ability to communicate with self, the person lives with advice, lies, criticism, false perceptions, and distorted truths of self. Life’ direction and control come from the outside – other people.
‘Without communication with self, there is no self-love. Vulnerability to outside attacks increases.”
In order to become healthier, you have to begin communicating with self (inner child) or parts of self all over again. This process is called internal communication (IT). Internal communication is a personal right, strength and healthy need. Internal communication is what helps healthy people keep his or her authenticity, balanced and truth of self. IT will increase the degree of love and relationship with their self. Internal communication is an essential element for a successful recovery from Depression and Anxiety, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Stress Disorder and PTSD syndrome.
Dissociative Identity Disorders: Healing Together Presentation
Internal communication is the most misunderstood issue of recovery. By definition, internal communication is simply the exploration your internal environment, otherwise known as self. IT is imparting or the interchange of thoughts, dreams, feelings, ideas, opinions, needs and /or information transmitted either on a mental, emotional, spiritual or symbolic level. If you cannot interact with your own inner environment, through talking, sharing, negotiating, compromising, understanding, accepting, trusting, forgiving, nurturing or comforting then you are only fooling yourself and your relationship is a false one.
Therefore without internal communication, you are unable to perceive what is harmful in other relationships, and you end up getting abused, hurt, abandoned, disappointed and disrespected. You will even hang onto and remain in very destructive or toxic relationships which resemble your past ones. If you do not change the pattern then you are destined to repeat it over and over again.
What to do?
One of the main aims of the recovery process is to enhance internal communication. Initially forming a relationship with self will feel like a betraying someone or something feels and very uncomfortable. But as you gain time and experience in this process your skill level will increase, flow easier and you will become more comfortable. Below are some tips to assist you in understanding and developing your own internal communication with you.
Create an Action Plan
9 Keys Steps to a more Successful Communication and Relationship with Parts of Self:
The key to being successful in creating internal communication, you have to dare to risk learning new skills and put them into action even though you were taught it was wrong and forbidden.
1. Focus on you
2. Like and Love you
3. Accept you
4. Forgive you
5. Be honest with you
6. Trust you
7. Never turn your back on you
8. Never break a promise to you
9. Always take responsibility for all your behaviors, thoughts, feelings, and reactions.
You will have to practice these new behaviors, thoughts and emotional skills in order to feel comfortable with communicating with self and parts of self. If you do then you will become increasingly more confident, successful, and whole as well as move into a healthier relationship.
© 2010 Bill Tollefson