Repossessing My Mind: My Most Cherished Life Achievement
Nothing to Brag About
According to many fine scholars, including Dr. Robert Lanza, reputedly one of the hundred most respected scientists in the world, objective reality does not exist apart from our observing. ("Biocentrism")
With absolutely no ambition to match those elaborate presentations in the field with my own humble speculations---but almost four decades before ever hearing about the existence of such a field of research, as a teenager I titled one of my essays: "Nothing has a suchness until we give it one."
What do you say---not bad at all for a young, horny punk whose next thought might have been about "how to make that little brunette like me". Now, fast-forward a couple of decades, and there I am writing another, a little longer text about my idea of a basic and primordial pair of sensations which I named "subjectness" and "objectness".
They were to describe a force stemming out from our personal space as a will or intent, making us feel as subjects, or doers in the world---and a force invading that space giving us a feeling of an object of the world's doing unto us.
Again, it didn't aim to even hang around shadows of those academic results of a higher learning---but in this particular article it has the purpose of showing how independently from any outside fund of knowledge I have from ever had this obsession about personal sovereignty and human unused potential.
It has haunted me into this age of 74 with an impetus that never showed any signs of slowing down, but quite the opposite---it made me experiment on myself with many techniques, some of them ancient, others of a modern make. The mental part of them turned into a way of living.
From the very start of putting into practice my humble "subjectness", my inner world turned around in ways that I could have never predicted, as I lost the remaining traces of victimhood syndrome from my mentality. The new sense of freedom was hard to put into any words.
Opting for Dreams over Nightmares
So, this article is about my passion and ideas that have been propelling it and perpetuating its momentum. As for those of you folks who may have never read a book on quantum physics and the newly established connection between our consciousness and the material world---but still call yourselves "down to earth realists", be my guests and call me a "dreamer".
As I mentioned above, my "dreaming" started at a rather early age; and unlike those other teenage dreamers who wanted to acquire some "superpowers"---my dreams were all wrapped around my suspected unused potential, whatever it might have been.
Namely, it didn't take long to my young but inquisitive eyes to observe in myself and everyone else how everything seemed to be somehow out of whack. My budding intuition was telling me that the world was wallowing in something that was not normal, not worth pursuing, not worth believing, not worth living.
Those rebellious teenage hormones might have given it an extra fuel, but, curiously enough, none of that made me angry, rather tickled my sense of humor---as I saw the adults fussing over some most crazy stuff in life and creating problems where none seemed to exist.
The question of life priorities never got off my list of studious observance, and all into this age I can't but wonder why people don't pick out from that messy pile of concerns and worries and fears and anger---something that's really worth focusing on and scrap the crap.
Born "Cool"---Turning Sovereign
I'd like to mention how I don't take any credit for my early interests in all these matters, as it didn't involve any conscious effort, it came to me from within, so I can't brag about it. Maybe I was maturing fast in that post-war environment which made all European baby-boomers face many of those crude realities of life.
I started shaving when I was twelve, and with hairy chest and legs I could have sold myself for an older kid---if it hadn't been for that betraying youthful face. I read my first book in psychology at the age of ten, which was passed to me by another, little older teenager.
Actually, most of my little friends were a strange combination of little adventurers, ball-kickers, swimmers in a dangerous river, mountain climbers--- and serious chess-players, readers, and even little philosophers---when we were not too busy impressing girls.
In my own combination of personality traits which were forming in a pretty disorderly manner, I might have been a sort of an extreme, and it certainly wouldn't have been easy "being me"---if it had not been for my innate phlegmatic temperament that allowed me to instantly drop any mental weight in favor of keeping a happy disposition.
These days I could notice that the expression of "phlegmatic temperament" has evolved into "being cool". Mind you, that temper, which was marked by a certain lack of care about possible bad outcomes, made me do my own share of crazy stuff at that age, many of which would surely be left out if I ever decided to write my autobiography. But it all somehow nicely blended with my sense of inner freedom, which was elegantly growing into something that would eventually become my personal sovereignty.
After schooling, army service, and marrying, my twenties found me in Canada as a young immigrant. There was nothing organized about satisfying my hunger for learning about man and life---as I could have grabbed a book on neurology, psychiatry, astronomy, philosophy, or something from the bag with esoteric practices, meditation, occult, self-hypnosis, zen, yoga...whatever.
But, no matter what I was reading of that non-fiction literature--- which grew into a pile of over thousand books--- my mind always followed its main line of seeking the truth about our mental and emotional sovereignty. That alone may explain why I never developed any taste for religious beliefs---being resolute to somehow squeeze man's volition into that divine design.
An Assault on Our Sovereign Freedom
Personal sovereignty fromever meant to me a goal of attaining a freedom from suggestive assaults from society, de-hypnotizing myself from all those "memes" parading around like some sacred knowledge of life. And although I like seeing myself as an exemplary law-abiding citizen of the world---"authority" is a dirty word in my psycho-philosophy of life.
Wherever I look I see the effects of massive brainwashing done by the Rasputins of political, religious, medical and pharmaceutical establishments, with a reluctantly challenged, stale, and sterile paradigm defining for us "what's normal"---and even fashion. Namely, sometimes I can't help but smile when my wife mentions how bright colors and everything loose are "in-style" this year.
Then even weather has become an authority, as it has the power to tell us how to feel. Hence the expression "being under weather today". Just about anything has the power to make us pissed off, sad, worried, or even guilty.
Shrinks have done their part in propagating our emotional slavery to our past. Medicine keeps advertising their services by propagating the myth of our "fragile health" and our sensitivities to even something like a draft.
The dietary supplements multi-billion dollar business is blooming by dragging through mud the Big Pharma and propagating our deficiencies, chemical imbalances, sensitivities to toxins from a polluted air, water, and food.
Are all these authorities leaving any part of our brain for us to use, by our own reasoning and intuitive self-conduct---or we are just a bunch of village idiots having to be told when to inhale and when to exhale?
Everybody is going scared over the survival of their precious ass---pardon my scientific terminology. On top of all that, religion is either telling humans that they were born sinners, or that they should blow themselves up for a "higher cause".
Boy, are we a messed up species---so, you religious folks be careful when you are saying that your god created man in his own image; it's a scary thought that our celestial boss looks anything like us!
Ordinary to My Core
Other than my modest studious attempts and this passion to keep my head above the murky waters of social brainwashing -- I am actually an ordinary dude who's been around for some seventy trips around the Sun, while using my head for more than just for wearing a baseball cap.
My kind of thinking never did, and never will make me rich or famous. Maybe that has something to do with those life priorities that I mentioned earlier, which pretty much insist on all those things that no money can buy -- like happiness, health, youthfulness, peace of mind, and harmony with myself and with the world.
Every morning I give a hug to my wife out of a sheer love; then I baby-talk to our plants, and compliment them about their vibrant look. Sometimes I wonder if they can forgive us for keeping them in the confines of their pots, so far away from their natural habitat, while exposed to our silly talks from time to time.
Well, we call it "entertainment talks", somewhat like those about politics. I never took politics seriously, and if you catch me in discussing it, to me it's like discussing about the plot of an NCIS TV episode. To me it's all fiction, with the main characters not even trying to act less fictional.
So, as you can see, I am not claiming any expertise or brilliance at anything. Just a simple dude talking to his plants, perfectly aware how that act may be the last stage before people of my age usually start talking to themselves -- if it's not "it" already.
However, in my somewhat ambitious estimation -- which may not be all that modest -- on an average day I probably feel much happier than many multi-millionaires and Oscar winners. You know why? Because I can.
Well, at this age I can say that I haven't seen any doctors for over twelve years, also not using any over the counter medicines, like painkillers, antacids, laxatives... that kind of stuff.
Actually, I have never had a headache in my life. I like joking about it -- "maybe there is nothing there in my skull to hurt". This targeting myself with my humor and not taking myself too seriously may be a part of the reason for not having any headaches.
Dare to Declare Your Own Freedom
There is something so "humanly divine" in this sense of unutterable freedom to be, to shift my mood as I wish, to create my intimate reality the way that my intuition insists on.
At times it's like something that I am tempted to call "orgasmic spirituality", with a state of consciousness which is beyond my five senses that limit me within the frames of my socially acquired and verbally describable identity.
Those moments of epiphany, when the fact of my having a body feels like a little surprise, because there is no desire, no fear, no need---it's all already given, just to be enjoyed.
Personal sovereignty is not a concept to be intellectually processed, but an experience, like an aroma of forest that may act like an opiate when taken in with a deep sigh -- an aroma of the mystery of life. Those moments when you feel that thinking about anything would just spoil it. Indeed, personal sovereignty is not possible because of smartness -- but oftentimes in spite of it.
I hope you may have found at least a sentence or two here to further inspire you towards using more of your own mind.
It is my hope that as the result of this inspiration you may start doing something outrageously audacious, like choosing happiness, health, peace of mind, and harmony within your personal space -- simply because that space belongs only to you, and at your birth it was not predestined for sale into any aspect of social slavery.