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Do You need others words to make You feel Valuable?

Updated on November 16, 2011

Improving Your Self-Worth

Do you need others words to feel that you are valuable?

Self-esteem and self-worth seems often to be linked to others point of view regarding us. We give credence to another’s words in describing who we are. Think about this for a moment. If I would ask you to describe yourself, whose portrayal are you really giving? Are the traits you would list what you believe about yourself or are they an accumulation of others opinions. To feel good about whom you are, do you need positive feedback from others? If your self-worth is non-existent or limited, do you have trouble trusting others when they say something nice about you?

Our value cannot be created from outside us. The reason for that is we become dependent on others for us feeling good about ourselves. If that person eventually is not a part of your life, then they have carried your self- worth with them. We have to find ourselves worthy within, and not become reliant on others to feed us positive words to increase our self-esteem. You might see the point here, but wonder how one finds their own self-love.

The first step is to realize what others have said about you stems only from their beliefs. The majority of those come from their biases, which arrived from family and community conditioning. There usually is no truth in these opinions. There truth actually is ignorance. To accept this perception, you can then begin to realize those words that you thought were truth, were only delivered in the guise of knowledge. The actuality though was they were based on ignorance. Now you have a choice; to continue with these biases or see your own truth.

The second step is what many refer to as reinventing yourself. If you take all those words that were used as descriptive adjectives to control you and erase them, all you will have left is an empty slate. Being human though our minds act like computers and we need to change these words to a positive. This is not easy but is definitely doable. Some people swear that an affirmation is the way. For some it is, and for others it does not work. There are many methods available to help change a core thought. Finding one that works for you might take some time, but it is worth the effort.

The third step is to stop accepting others’ negative input about who you are. Do not accept words like lazy, stupid, ugly and there are so many words that we can add here. If they do use them, come from the core belief it is their bias. In this thought process, you will then be reminded their truth is linked to what others have said, and it does not represent you. This process can also be viewed as mentally cutting the cords that bind you to others’ ignorance.

The final step is to really believe your new concepts. This will take more effort, for you will have to eventually stop asking others for their approval. Our self-value must come from within, and as long as we seek others’ to be responsible in giving us approval, we will never experience our true identity.

These steps are to be taken slowly. Do not get caught up with the concept it will happen overnight or even a year. There is no destination point you are trying to arrive at, just a journey. On this journey what you value about yourself will change and another value will take its’ place. This is natural and is part of the journey. An example is if your core value is in helping people and you are always trying to help a person, eventually you might change that value into something else. Perhaps the effort of helping everyone will become a negative habit for you, so you will have to change this value into a more productive one.

This journey will help you to gain your self-worth through your own eyes and not another. Your core values will serve you in a positive way. It is a journey worth taking. There will come a day the outside world will not influence your sacred self-your spirit. You will then soar to many great heights.


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