Down but not out
When are hurt becomes unbearable and nowhere do we seem to find comfort what can we do for ourselves besides sleep or brood over my troubles? I wasn’t always so down, why now, have I done something so wrong to someone else to bring this on?
I’ve been here before myself and this is real pain, falling into depression is like a man falling into a pit with no one to hear his cries or to pull him out. When you are so deeply withdrawn from people and even blaming yourself constantly, you try to rework past events in your mind as if you could change them, then reality slams you again and again telling you it’s done. How can you escape from this madness?
Maybe you drink alcohol or take painkillers, possibly both, sure they can give you a temporary reprieve but then, reality again, so now we get more alcohol and/or drugs. Then again we might sober and ask ourselves, “Is this helping me”? If you have got that far, look at your life, from the moment the depression gave way to the using, what do you look like physically now? Not so bad you say, how about your family and friends are they still around? Let’s not forget our finances, how’s that bank account holding up? This is reality and sometimes it bites, but the world is not going to stop for us. So now what?
Well, the first step was just to sober up enough to take a good hard, long look at ourselves and then we need to look around us, who can we talk to about seeking real change in ourselves? There is a most important step after sobering though and this is absolutely the only way you or I will be able to get out of that pit, WE NEED TO BE READY AND WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO CHANGE OURSELVES! This could lead to very uncomfortable choices, losing friends and even family may be necessary (at least in the short term) if they either enable us to continue on this negative course of behavior or don’t seem capable to understand how it is destroying us.
I need to back up here for a second, I know this will work, yet as I said YOU must be willing to make the change, no one can do it for you. I want you to know, I have empathy for where you are at this stage in your life, but all hope is not lost unless YOU GIVE UP ALL HOPE! Please, please do not give up on yourself.
So if I haven’t lost you and you’re willing to help yourself let’s move on. Who loves you enough, family and/or friends to have told you they know something is wrong and they are not willing to just stand idly by and watch you destroy yourself? This/these are the people you need to lean on right now, tell them the truth and ask them to help you, now, not later, now. Move quickly from here find a support group in your area, not necessarily AA or NA, but if that is all you have available now, then start there, they can help, others in the groups have already experienced similar feelings and have traveled that road you are on now. What about your job you say? Can you take a leave of absence, possibly using the Family Leave Act and if you are not working because you are not employed, well it is better to heal mentally and physically first, then to continue to concentrate on two fronts, your health and work.
As you are working to change you life, I would advise you to keep a journal. It will keep you on task, it will document trigger points for backsliding, and you will be able to reflect on the notations in your future if you feel these feelings again, it will give you a sense of accomplishment, which you will have achieved, if you are truly ready to seek change.
If you need an escape from time to time in the future, might I recommend a movie, music, screaming, kicking or just something else besides using, because we are worth much more than a bottle or a pill. One other, and for me the greatest help of all time, is my Counselor, also known as Jesus Christ, no other will listen as intently as He. No other could have as calming an effect for myself as Him, this is my first option, and maybe He will be yours as well.
I love this prayer, called the serenity prayer because it gives us instruction on how to let go and so here it is:
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Here are some links for you and hopefully you will find your way out of that pit, I’m praying for you!!!