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From Victimhood Syndrome to Taking Charge

Updated on December 15, 2020
ValKaras profile image

Val is a life-long practically oriented student of effective emotional and attitudinal responses to the many challenges of life.

Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.

-- Henry David Thoreau

Money Doesn't Buy It

Somewhere on a dusty suburb alley of Rio de Janeiro a little soccer playing rascal is glowing with pride, because he has just scored another goal for his team. He may not remember when was the last time he had a decent meal, and those stolen apples certainly don't count; but his muscles are lean and strong, his eyes shiny, skin healthy and smooth. Coming from that empty gut is quite a happy laughter. He is impressed by himself, loving his simple life.

Half the globe up north, a rich man's kid is having another boring day, as he is sitting by the glittering swimming pool and texting his friend sitting right beside him. This impersonal form of communicating just fits his flat emotionality void of love and any passion since he is spending his childhood at the end of a receiving line, getting everything, not wishing for anything. That poker face is pale and sprinkled with pimples, and flab is hiding that leftover of muscles never used.

Getting From Here to There Often Takes an Effort---With No One Willing to Do It for Us
Getting From Here to There Often Takes an Effort---With No One Willing to Do It for Us

Today you can be inactive, reactive, or proactive. Choose your "active" wisely.

-- Daren Marten

Life is DOING

That very spark of life in our body cells depends on our will to live, will to do whatever it may take. We even do our sleeping -- otherwise we wouldn't know when to terminate it in the morning. If someone just whispers our name we'll wake up, while we may have slept through fire engine sirens or storm.

It takes a part of us constantly being on alert, constantly doing that "function of sleeping" with all that it involves, including renewal of the cells, healing, and recharging our batteries for the next day. Our body is in a continuous changing and dynamic state,

When I meditate, and I have been doing it for more than five decades, I know it's not a "passive state", but an active mobilizing of peace, by derailing that train of thoughts, by turning the volume down on that inner chatter, by willfully relaxing muscles, and expecting the emergence of that divine presence of that unfathomable part of me that's blending with "mystery of everything". Indeed, even those seemingly most "passive" aspects of our being don't mean passivity.

So why not do our life consciously and responsibly?

Goodies of life in all forms may come our way, but unless we went after them and got them, with a firm conviction that we deserve them -- they are not felt as winnings or blessings.

By "doing" I don't mean what we routinely do for living and for hobbies, but all aspects of our intentional affecting our life, with all people included in it. It's what we do out of love, passion, a challenge, and by the way we always bounce back on our feet before the referee has counted to ten in the arena of life.

Those unfortunate folks tormented by anxieties, worries, and depression are giving us an example of what "doing" is not. For, no matter how much you try to show your support, compassion, and even offer a helping hand, they won't get on their feet until and unless they pull themselves by bootstraps and make that move, start some doing whatever it may take.

Self-pity is spiritual suicide. It is an indefensible self mutilation of the soul.

-- Anthon St. Maarten

Victim Syndrome

Whole nations are displaying either the gutsiness of doers or mousiness of takers, the latter ones not really benefiting much in a long run by all those donations, while having accepted that as their way of life -- similar to those whole generations in a same family of welfare recipients. Such nations have a sickness of victimhood in their mentality -- coupled with greed of their rulers in whose interest it is to keep them in the state of dependence, to prevent a spirit of democracy to awaken.

However, before we start feeling sorry for them too much, we might as well recognize something similar, although in much more sophisticated form going on in so called prosperous societies.

Namely, governments are making sure that masses don't get spiritually strong by developing a sense of responsibility for their life, as that could inspire them to ask some very uncomfortable questions -- also in ways that could be detrimental to the institution of government as it's being practiced.

So, all we are likely to hear is about our responsibility to the country -- basically meaning obedience to the administration in power -- nothing about our responsibility to ourselves. Those who have "given their life for their country" are an excellent advertisement for that policy.

As the result of the joint effort of political, religious, and media establishments, "we should just be happy for being protected from so called enemies" (we, the people who never created them), well informed (oftentimes with a bunch of lies and false propaganda), healed (by expensive and potentially dangerous chemicals and scalpel), and even booked for and afterlife (by you guessed who).

Image by analogicus from Pixabay
Image by analogicus from Pixabay

Whenever I am asked to tell my story, I hesitate. How can you sum up a life that is in a constant motion?

-- Carlos Wallace

I Ain't Got Much, but It's All of My Own Make

My own inner and outer life started turning around when I decided to see all my experiencing as of my own making. The incredible sense of power over my life came out of realization how it made absolutely no sense to first create some useless mind constructs, and then waste time on bitching about my own creation as if that was something that had nothing to do with me but was attached to "bad luck", or something.

That's when I also got to that life-saving idea to start liking whatever I got, in my head, in my heart, in-and-on my body, and at the other side of the world. I saw how I was perpetuating a conflict of tendencies in myself, and that vicious cycle of conflict had to be broken.

So I started consciously liking all that, "warts and all", to stop putting fuel on the conflict, to find peace -- because I intuitively knew that peace was the only basis for any other next step, if I was to evolve into something better than me-of-the-last-year. And I couldn't see any better use for my time left on this planet.

We are made wise not by recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.

-- George Bernard Shaw

How Does It Work?

Liking what we have sounds like a full time job, and that's what it is at the beginning, until it becomes a part of our automatic nature -- just like conflict used to be. We didn't need anything in particular to make us pissed off -- we did it out of habit. "Here it is, I am all pissed off, and now let me see what I am going to pick to be pissed off about"-- seemed to be the protocol.

Hey folks, I know it's a kind of weird and hard to believe, but once we get into that "function mode" it doesn't matter what stressor we'll choose to feed it. On the flip side, what do you think -- what made Bob Hope, or Robin Williams, or any other biggie in the field of humor so capable of improvising on the spot, without any rehearsals? They put themselves (with a trained ease) into that mode where everything can be seen as funny, and so those funny lines just popped up to them "out of nowhere".

Liking what we have we trigger the same mechanism, and if we are to believe in "happy-go-lucky", or that popular law of attraction (actually based on it) -- we soon start getting things in life that we can like.

In this article I tried to make obvious the urgency of accepting responsibility for all of our experiencing -- pretty much based upon my own experience and observation over the last seven decades, minus the time I spent blaming everyone and everything, which was relatively short.

As you look around, and maybe even at the very fabric of your own "destiny" so far, you may easily come to the same conclusion -- we are letting everyone and everything be credited or guilty for whatever has been happening to us.

Waking up to our responsibility over our lives also means waking up to our power. For, if we had the power to mess things up, we also have a power to undo it. Whatever mind does -- mind can undo. Well, I hope some of these shared thoughts might make that same difference for you as they made for me -- and still do.

© 2015 Val Karas


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