- Mental Health
Failing Is An Opportunity
By Alicia Alarco-Hernandez
We have all experienced failure; whether it was losing a game, failing a test, not getting a promotion, not getting a job, divorce and the list goes on and on. Failure is inevitable, however it isn't final. It could feel like death depending on how we view the situation. Personally, my failures have felt dramatizing to me and it's not because of my failures but how I reacted to it. I let failure beat me up, whenever I didn't get what I wanted, which then affect my life. The key words here are "I Let It'.
Sometimes We're Chasing A Dream But In Reality We're Chasing A Purpose~AliciaAH
One of my experiences with failure was a few years ago, when I was studying to be a nurse. It was very competitive in New York to get into the nursing program, the prerequisites were demanding and there were no guarantees but that didn't stop me. I transferred to another school hoping I'd get into the program. I tried twice, in this one school and was turned down twice. I was devastated when I failed, yet again. Instead of brushing it off like I usually did, I became stuck. I didn't go back to school the next semester. I just mobbed around, feeling sorry for myself. As the days turned to weeks and weeks to months. I told myself “ok this isn't working out, so what is it that I truly want to do”. So I took a deep look within myself and opened my heart to other possibilities. I then decided to speak with my school adviser and she advised me to transfer because I had good grades and to keep trying for nursing. However, I had a change of heart and wanted to try something different. I had accepted that it wasn't meant to be and I decided to be open minded, therefore I decided to pursue Mental Health instead. At that time it just felt right because my goals had changed. Instead of studying nursing, I wanted to reach a higher goal and that was to get a degree not only for myself but to also inspire my children. I wanted them to see that if I can do it, so can they. I realized that getting a degree to inspire my children was far more important than becoming a nurse. What I was doing was chasing a thought of becoming a nurse and getting nowhere. I really did my best but it didn't happen for reasons I didn’t yet know. It may seem like I gave up but I didn't, giving up would have been dropping out of school. I had to look at it in a positive way, not in a negative and self-destructive way. I had responsibilities, my children. So I took a detour, I got my degree and graduated with honors. My boys attended my graduation and I dedicated that accomplishment to them.
I learned through my failures, that I just wanted to be a good mother and inspire my boys. Those were my true deep rooted feelings about going to school. Sometimes we're chasing a dream but in reality we're chasing a purpose. I can say now I lived that purpose thanks to that dream, which gave me so much more. After I graduated, it all fell into place because I finished school, we moved to NJ to give our children a better life, all in that same year. Now my oldest son is in college and I'm very proud of him. I have to thank my failures for changing my plans and I'm grateful I didn't let failure defeat my purpose.
Mantra On Rising Over Failure
If you fail at something, ask yourself these questions.
- Did you do your best?
- Did you put your energy, time and heart?
- Did you believe in yourself?
- Did you sacrifice your time, relationships and money?
Now, if you answer yes to 1 or all then take a deep breath and tell yourself this.
"I did my best, I accept myself and where I am now. It's where I need to be. My purpose is bigger than my dreams. I love myself deeply and profoundly. I will Rise".
I wish I would of told myself this whenever I failed. I had to experience all that rejection to see the big picture. I am grateful now for that experience and I’ve learned a lot from my failed attempts. You fail, to learn and then let it go. There's no harm in trying again and again as long as you're open to accepting the unknown results. Whether you win or lose both are opportunities to learn and live your purpose. Don't do what I did, beat yourself up and stay stuck. Simply accept it and tell yourself how proud you are for trying and for believing in yourself. Then look for the purpose of the experience and you will be surprise to find your calling and learn you didn't fail after all. It was just a change of plans. Failing is never the end result; it's always a new beginning to rise.
I Feel We Have To Change Our Attitude Towards Failure.
Failure is needed in order to celebrate victories. They're experiences so we can make adjustments in ourselves and life. It's to learn how resilient we are and how courageous we can be. Failures are necessary to grow; you're not growing if you're not failing. I feel we have to change our attitude towards failure. We tend to look at our failures as bad because we're not getting what we want but sometimes what we want is not what we need. That's when failure comes in to show us another way; it forces us to look elsewhere and to look where we wouldn't normally look. I feel failure is a gift in disguised, but it's up to us to look at it has a gift. If we change our thoughts belief on failure then it wouldn't be failing, it would be thought of as; redirection, other opportunities, a wake up calls and detour. It's our beliefs that hurt us, not failing.
I've let those beliefs hurt me as well. You work so hard and it's doesn't work out. However this is the time we need to be there for ourselves even more. We need to give ourselves a large dose of acceptance and love. Also it's a time not only to accept our failure but learn from it. It's a time to make a different plan, study our moves and make changes. If you're a spiritual person then look at it as; it's not meant to be, your high power (as you know him), intervened and is directing you to your purpose. Either way with the right attitude you can make it into a learning experience. You can't control your exterior forces, but you can control your interior and that's all up to you.
Make your failures into stories that will motivate others, how you turn that experience into a positive one. You got back up and believed in yourself no matter the outcomes. Doing just that is a victory story. You owe it to yourself, to look at your failures as stepping stones towards being you, because they are a part of you. All you have to do is love everything about you, the good, the faults and all. That's what failure teaches us, to self love no matter what.
You Have To Give Yourself Permission To Fail to Give Yourself Permission To Success~Unknown