False Teeth – What they will never tell you
False teeth and people keep many secrets
By Grand Old Lady
The first thing nobody will ever tell you about false teeth is that someday you may need them. You will be a child alarmed at a frightening sight on the bathroom sink – false teeth in a glass of water. Someone will say they are grandma’s. And grandma may never look the same to you again.
The second thing nobody will ever tell you is that someday your mom will wear false teeth. My mom did, but she liked to play with them. There was a little boy in the house who would be terrified every time she took them off -- which she did, frequently, in his presence.
The third thing – okay, let’s get straight to the point. You will need them. At first you will get cavities with fillings, then braces, then root canals, then permanent and wisdom teeth pulled out. A dentist will mention implants. You may think they are too expensive, or have heard stories of how they are painful. You will be sick of root canalled teeth that smash into smaller and smaller bits each year as the filling that is more filling than canalled tooth gets lost, say, in a high end Korean restaurant while you are talking to your client regarding a very big business deal.
So you figure – FALSE TEETH ARE BETTER. Ten years of chipped root canalled smidgens of teeth become so pathetic and this, this is the cost friendly, permanent way.
Then you find out the major truth about false teeth – THEY DON’T FEEL NORMAL. Now, what was I thinking? What even made me presume that once I get my false teeth, they will feel exactly the same as my upper palate and normal teeth? Hello, they are porcelain and high end plastic. What was I thinking?
So I maneuvered through a month of dealing with my false teeth. The best thing I could say about them was, I could now drink as much coffee as I wanted and not get coffee breath. Ah, the wonders of high end plastic. I love coffee.
But everything else didn’t feel right and so I tried saying, “this is my new normal.” I found myself spending less time with the teeth (which were in a jar with mouthwash beside my husband’s teeth also in a separate but identical jar with mouthwash).
I learned to eat with a lame set of molars on the left side of my mouth and to use the front cutting teeth more often. I ate less, which was great as I kept imagining I would eventually lose weight. It was a love hate relationship. Then it became sheer hate when I developed two mean cavities on the left side of my mouth.
“The cavities are deep,” my dentist said. “One is a candidate for a root canal.”
She removed the filling, put some great medicine in, and gave me two injections. The antibiotics helped ease the pain. My face was swollen on the left. “Look hon,” I told my husband. “I look prettier on the left side. If ever I had a facelift, I would make both sides look this way.”
The swollen left side, you see, diminished the wrinkles.
My dentist told me to stop using toothpicks. She asked if my false teeth were okay. I said, “Well, I never had false teeth before, so I don’t know good false teeth from bad false teeth. I don’t know a good fit from a bad one. But this one seems okay.”
A bit stunned, she asked me the same question again. Twice. And I responded in the same way. Twice. So she worked on the teeth, pruning them on the edges, making adjustments here and there (she must be a gum and teeth psychic), and it fit noticeably better.
So this is my false teeth story. And to all the young and middle aged, I am giving you fair warning. There are false teeth secrets going around. People you may know very well, may one day show up forgetting their false teeth. Or you will catch them on Skype and see they don’t have all their teeth on as usual. Maybe, that person might be you.
We are not alone.