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Fear of Intimacy - Take the Risk

Updated on January 2, 2011

The author at seventy-four.

Why are we so afraid of intimacy?

Welcome to Fear of Intimacy – Take the Risk.

Why are we so afraid of intimacy? Why are we afraid to really get close to people? Strange thing is that if we take the risk, it usually pays off. We feel better. They feel better. It’s a win-win situation. Sure, they might take advantage of our vulnerability. Probably they will not. You’ll have made a friend, or friends, if you’re game to put your heartfelt feelings on the line in front of a group.

I'm into Public Speaking.

I’m into public speaking. Been into it for around thirty-five years. Guess you could say I’m fairly experienced. Yet, whenever I have the courage to really present my deepest held beliefs, the one’s that could be disparaged, ridiculed, arouse hostility, I get my greatest approval by way not only of applause but positive verbal feedback. People come up afterwards, often alone and not wanting to be overheard by their friends, to tell me that, “Yes, that happened to me, too.” Or, “Yes, that’s exactly how I felt when...” or “You won’t believe this, Tom, but...” But of course I do believe it.

I have a gift of mediumship. I'm a channeler.

I have a gift of mediumship. I'm a channeler.   It’s not so unusual. Many people have it. Most remain silent about it, keeping it a secret from fear of ridicule. I am able to take down Automatic Writing. Automatic Typing actually – and at speed – for I learned to touch-type way back in 1954 and have been at it ever since. I took my first tentative Automatic Writing in December 1968. By 1975 I’d written my first book on the subject: Ghost Guidance and Automatic Writing. (This was over fifteen years before Neale Donald Walsch hit the scene with his bestselling Conversations with God Series) Yet twenty-two years later I still had not been courageous enough to mention this in any of my presentations in public.

It isn't easy, but it really is worth it.

Came a day in 1997. I was at my Toastmasters Club. It was my turn to present a short, five to seven minute speech. And I had decided that I would tell of a particular experience whereby I’d been contacted by a deceased niece who had been killed in a dreadful train accident twenty years earlier. I was all atremble. Yes, I felt as nervous as I’d been when I gave my first Toastmaster’s speech back in 1972. So here I was, with twenty-five years of experience behind me, feeling so self-conscious I felt – “No, I can’t do this!”

But I did.

Fear of Intimacy - Take the Risk.

With heart pounding so strongly in my chest I thought it’d burst – or at least be heard by my audience, I went out there and spoke. My voice sounded strange to me; as it had when I’d stood in church on my wife and my wedding day thirty-seven years earlier. I wondered how it sounded to the others. It was so raspy, so strained.

I delivered one of the most powerful presentations of my life.

I need not have worried. I delivered one of the most powerfully sincere presentations of my life. A man who I greatly respect, who was a Distinguished Toastmaster with twenty-five years public speaking experience behind him, who was due to speak next said, “How does one follow that!” I had succeeded beyond my greatest expectations. People flocked up to me at the end of the meeting wishing to know more, and telling me of their own metaphysical experiences; things they’d never have been game to reveal to anyone if I hadn’t done so with my own revelations. My courage evoked theirs.

I have a gift of mediumship. I'm a channeler. We're talking Life After Death.

But it did more than that. That presentation gave me the courage to go out to speak to other, bigger groups. I presented it to a dozen groups over the next few months, ranging from a dozen or so to well over a hundred strong audiences. And do you know what? It had the same effect. People would put up their hands and tell me – yes, in front of all those people – of their own experiences of being contacted in some way by loved ones who had passed on.  We're talking Life After Death.

Not only that, people told me of near death experiences (NDEs) and all manner of esoteric phenomena and sightings of loved ones who had come to them that they might know that they were okay, still living in the next dimension, whatever that might be.

They told of near death experiences - NDEs

What am I saying to you here? Not only that very important message that we are all immortal beings; not physical beings with a soul, but soul’s experiencing physicality in a body. What I saying here is TAKE THE RISK. Share with others. Tell them what you feel. How you feel. As John Powell, author of Happiness is an Inside Job says in his chapter on Communication in that book: “We are as sick as we are secret.” and, “Still, most of us go on sheltering our fatal secrets because we don’t want to run the risk of rejection, ridicule or condemnation.”

This does not mean we have to tell everyone...

This does not mean we have to tell everyone our secrets. It does not mean we have to expose ourselves to the entire world. But take a risk with those who are close to you. Don’t be afraid of real intimacy. Lessen the burden. Don’t expect them to take that burden on for you. But by being honest and true, your heart will lighten up, you’ll become more courageous, and the world will be just that little bit better for you. Go on. Give it a go.

I hope you got something out of Fear of Intimacy - Take the Risk.

Keep Happy.


Submit a Comment

  • Jlava73 profile image

    Jennifer Vasconcelos 5 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

    I admit to I do experience this fear at times. Thanks for Sharing!

  • Truckstop Sally profile image

    Truckstop Sally 7 years ago

    Congrats on your ease at publc speaking and making people feel at ease to share their personal stories with you. There is a funny scenerio that when surveyed many people are more afraid of dying than public speaking . . . so they would rather be dead than giving a eulogy!