ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Health»
  • Mental Health»
  • Emotions

Fear of Intimacy - Take the Risk

Updated on January 2, 2011

The author at seventy-four.

Why are we so afraid of intimacy?

Welcome to Fear of Intimacy – Take the Risk.

Why are we so afraid of intimacy? Why are we afraid to really get close to people? Strange thing is that if we take the risk, it usually pays off. We feel better. They feel better. It’s a win-win situation. Sure, they might take advantage of our vulnerability. Probably they will not. You’ll have made a friend, or friends, if you’re game to put your heartfelt feelings on the line in front of a group.

I'm into Public Speaking.

I’m into public speaking. Been into it for around thirty-five years. Guess you could say I’m fairly experienced. Yet, whenever I have the courage to really present my deepest held beliefs, the one’s that could be disparaged, ridiculed, arouse hostility, I get my greatest approval by way not only of applause but positive verbal feedback. People come up afterwards, often alone and not wanting to be overheard by their friends, to tell me that, “Yes, that happened to me, too.” Or, “Yes, that’s exactly how I felt when...” or “You won’t believe this, Tom, but...” But of course I do believe it.

I have a gift of mediumship. I'm a channeler.

I have a gift of mediumship. I'm a channeler.   It’s not so unusual. Many people have it. Most remain silent about it, keeping it a secret from fear of ridicule. I am able to take down Automatic Writing. Automatic Typing actually – and at speed – for I learned to touch-type way back in 1954 and have been at it ever since. I took my first tentative Automatic Writing in December 1968. By 1975 I’d written my first book on the subject: Ghost Guidance and Automatic Writing. (This was over fifteen years before Neale Donald Walsch hit the scene with his bestselling Conversations with God Series) Yet twenty-two years later I still had not been courageous enough to mention this in any of my presentations in public.

It isn't easy, but it really is worth it.

Came a day in 1997. I was at my Toastmasters Club. It was my turn to present a short, five to seven minute speech. And I had decided that I would tell of a particular experience whereby I’d been contacted by a deceased niece who had been killed in a dreadful train accident twenty years earlier. I was all atremble. Yes, I felt as nervous as I’d been when I gave my first Toastmaster’s speech back in 1972. So here I was, with twenty-five years of experience behind me, feeling so self-conscious I felt – “No, I can’t do this!”

But I did.

Fear of Intimacy - Take the Risk.

With heart pounding so strongly in my chest I thought it’d burst – or at least be heard by my audience, I went out there and spoke. My voice sounded strange to me; as it had when I’d stood in church on my wife and my wedding day thirty-seven years earlier. I wondered how it sounded to the others. It was so raspy, so strained.

I delivered one of the most powerful presentations of my life.

I need not have worried. I delivered one of the most powerfully sincere presentations of my life. A man who I greatly respect, who was a Distinguished Toastmaster with twenty-five years public speaking experience behind him, who was due to speak next said, “How does one follow that!” I had succeeded beyond my greatest expectations. People flocked up to me at the end of the meeting wishing to know more, and telling me of their own metaphysical experiences; things they’d never have been game to reveal to anyone if I hadn’t done so with my own revelations. My courage evoked theirs.

I have a gift of mediumship. I'm a channeler. We're talking Life After Death.

But it did more than that. That presentation gave me the courage to go out to speak to other, bigger groups. I presented it to a dozen groups over the next few months, ranging from a dozen or so to well over a hundred strong audiences. And do you know what? It had the same effect. People would put up their hands and tell me – yes, in front of all those people – of their own experiences of being contacted in some way by loved ones who had passed on.  We're talking Life After Death.

Not only that, people told me of near death experiences (NDEs) and all manner of esoteric phenomena and sightings of loved ones who had come to them that they might know that they were okay, still living in the next dimension, whatever that might be.

They told of near death experiences - NDEs

What am I saying to you here? Not only that very important message that we are all immortal beings; not physical beings with a soul, but soul’s experiencing physicality in a body. What I saying here is TAKE THE RISK. Share with others. Tell them what you feel. How you feel. As John Powell, author of Happiness is an Inside Job says in his chapter on Communication in that book: “We are as sick as we are secret.” and, “Still, most of us go on sheltering our fatal secrets because we don’t want to run the risk of rejection, ridicule or condemnation.”

This does not mean we have to tell everyone...

This does not mean we have to tell everyone our secrets. It does not mean we have to expose ourselves to the entire world. But take a risk with those who are close to you. Don’t be afraid of real intimacy. Lessen the burden. Don’t expect them to take that burden on for you. But by being honest and true, your heart will lighten up, you’ll become more courageous, and the world will be just that little bit better for you. Go on. Give it a go.

I hope you got something out of Fear of Intimacy - Take the Risk.

Keep Happy.

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • Jlava73 profile image

    Jennifer Vasconcelos 6 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

    I admit to I do experience this fear at times. Thanks for Sharing!

  • Truckstop Sally profile image

    Truckstop Sally 7 years ago

    Congrats on your ease at publc speaking and making people feel at ease to share their personal stories with you. There is a funny scenerio that when surveyed many people are more afraid of dying than public speaking . . . so they would rather be dead than giving a eulogy!

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)