Feeling Powerless; Overcoming Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness is a perception of having no control over a situation and being powerless to find a solution that can change their position. There are people who have developed a condition of learned helplessness as a way of reacting to situations that they feel are stressful, uncomfortable or difficult to deal with. This sense of feeling helpless often fuels feelings of anxiety and is considered to be a significant contributor to depression.
Rather than looking at normal difficulties and failures in life as new opportunities or lessons to help them grow and improve they have learned to believe that their limits create a sense of security from pain and failure. They may lack confidence in their abilities and intellect, which causes a lack of self–esteem which tends to further fuel setbacks and feeling powerless to challenges as they occur.
They often become accustomed to negative outcomes and have learned to view there circumstances as an inescapable result, creating a learned response of feeling helpless or even feeling hopeless in certain situations or with certain people. This could lead them to lose their ability to seek out different problem-solving methods that might help them create more positive outcomes.
Examples of Learned Helplessness
American psychologist Martin Seligman learned of this kind of conditioning through an experiment utilizing dogs that were put in cages where they could not escape shocks that occurred under their feet. After a while, the dogs gave up in their attempts to escape the shocks. However, when these same dogs were placed in new cages, where they could escape the shocks, they simply subjected themselves to the repeated shocks that could have been avoided. These dogs had become conditioned to believe that they could not escape their discomfort and accepted that these shocks were permanent and inevitable.
One of my favorite examples of this learned helpless condition was a story I once heard about fleas being confined in a box. I found out that Zig Ziglar had written this piece in a book called “See You at The Top." It starts out with the idea of understanding the power of jumping fleas. Fleas have the ability to jump about ten inches high, which is more than 100 times their own body height. So, if you were to place fleas in a container with a lid on top, of course, they will jump with all their might only to find that they repeatedly hit the secured lid. After some time, they learn that they can not escape their confinement and will decrease the efforts of their jumping. Therefore, when the lid is removed, the fleas will remain limited in their jumping attempts and will keep themselves imprisoned.
Both of these are good examples of how some can learn to feel helpless in situations that have created pain and failure for us. If someone’s prior attempts to change a situation has failed repeatedly or they never developed empowering skills to properly solve problems, then they eventually become imprisoned in repeated failed situations.
How Feeling Helpless Develops
Learned helplessness can be developed through scenarios similar to the examples, or through not understanding how to solve a problem due to lack of information of the situation, or not having information provided in a format that is understood by the individual, or not being given the opportunity to develop these skills for themselves from others who made decisions for them. Therefore an individual may develop a lack of confidence to overcome obstacles.
These feelings of powerlessness can develop in something as minor as struggles with math to larger issues such as dealing with abusive relationships. Either way, the person may have learned that their efforts to improve their situation have been met with repeated pain or failure, which may drive them to want to just give up and accept defeat. This limiting mindset will hold them captive, keeping them from overcoming their challenges and achieving what they truly desire in life.
Strategies for Overcoming Learned Helplessness
But, whatever you can learn can be unlearned. You can override existing thoughts, limits, and perceptions by learning new process and habits to put in its place. So, what steps can someone make towards overcoming learned helplessness and regain confidence and personal power? Here are some methods that I have learned and utilized to help myself rise above these feelings.
If you feel stuck in a situation or can’t quite seem to overcome a problem, be open to new possible ideas. For every problem, there are many possible solutions. If the one(s) you’ve been trying isn’t providing you with the results you prefer, seek out advice or guidance from others. There are lots of information from counselors, books or articles on any topic that you struggle with. Often, just hearing about a different way to think about, or to respond to a situation, can be exactly what you need to move beyond this. Be willing to take information and modify it to figure out what works best for you and your situation.
Focus on the things that you are good at rather than lamenting your struggles or set backs. No one is great at everything, but everyone is great at some things. Because of this, we always have something that will benefit us and others; and others have something that may benefit us. Focus on your positive traits and trust in the skills that are uniquely yours. Focusing on your good qualities can provide you with more confidence and may serve to be beneficial in finding creative ways to deal with situations. Stand strong and fully believe in those traits and strengths; work on expanding them within your life.
Make choices for yourself. Living a life that others expect of us can lead us to feel helpless and unhappy with ourselves and our lives. Others may share what they feel is best based on their own desires, beliefs, and experiences. However, what you want and what is best for you and your situation may not be the same. Learn to carefully consider the advice and guidance from others, then be willing to make a decision that you feel works better for you in the long run. Dare to try new things that interest you, take new risks that you feel are worth the consequences and pave a path that fits you.
Focus on the things you can control. When you focus on things that you have no control over, which is pretty much anything outside of you, such as the choices and behaviors of others, it can lead you to feel hopeless to change your situation. By focusing on things you can control, such as your own choices, actions, lessons, skills, and responses you put yourself in a position to be able to improve yourself within a situation. Choosing to focus on improving yourself in a situation often has a ripple affect that activates other improvements to occur around you. Start off by focusing on options that you feel you can control and work through, then take small steps towards accomplishing the outcome you desire. Maybe you won't be able to change an entire situation at this time, but maybe you can improve small portions within the situation.
Let go of always needing to be right or doing things perfectly. Sometimes, having a fear of not being right or not being able to do something perfectly may prevent someone from trying something new. Again, there is more than one way to solve a problem. Sometimes, we remain stuck in thinking about and doing things in the same ways we always have. However, if we continue to do things in the same way, we also continue to get the same results. If you already knew everything and knew how to do it the one and only right way, then it should be easy for you to overcome any challenge in life and there would be no more room for growth or learning to occur.
There is always room for growth and learning. No one has all the answers, is always right or does everything perfectly, and to be honest, there is nothing wrong with that. If you find yourself repeatedly struggling with a situation, then you may benefit from admitting that, at this time, you may not know how to handle this situation in a way that best benefits you. But, that doesn’t mean that it’s hopeless and that you must give up. Again, be open to new possibilities, perspectives, advice, and guidance. By doing so, more possibilities become available and you’ll be able to find information and methods that produce better results for you.
Have safe and healthy boundaries for yourself and release yourself from people pleasing. People are more apt to become victims when they spend more time worrying about what others think, do what they feel others want them to do, or being constantly available to meet the demands of others. When you do this, you lose sight of your own needs, end up putting more energy into activities that do not benefit you and that serve as distractions from accomplishing what you need in order to improve your own life. When you get overly focused on directing and fulfilling the lives of others, you lose sight of overcoming your own obstacles and achieving your own goals.
Take responsibility for your own position in a situation. No matter what role others have played in creating your current situation, remember that you have made some choices that got you there as well. Even if you chose to not make any decisions and allow others to direct your circumstances, that was still a choice that you had made. If you don’t like how things are going in your life, let go of blaming others for your situation and take some responsibility to create change and make improvements.
When you choose to let go of grudges and blaming others, you set yourself free from the emotional prison that these habits have created. By learning to trust yourself to make better choices, utilize and expand your skills & abilities, trust your instincts more, and gain new insight, advice & guidance, you can take hold of the reigns of your life and for your future results. Fail or succeed, when you begin to take more responsibility for your own choices, you open up more opportunities, experiences, and lessons for yourself, enabling you to get closer to the results you desire.
No matter what the situation, there is always something you can do to improve some part of your position. Even the smallest changes can lead to big results.
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This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2012 Mary Roark