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Feeling as If Being Watched While Taking Shower

Updated on June 26, 2017
ValKaras profile image

Val is a life-long student of psycho-philosophy of living, and a devoted practitioner of many techniques enhancing personal evolution.

With some Folks, No Shower Can Wash down that Presence of Outer Authorities
With some Folks, No Shower Can Wash down that Presence of Outer Authorities

Nothing Pathological - but still Strange

At times I get quite intrigued by the multitude of examples where our minds are playing tricks on us. And I am not even talking about that "schizo-stuff" like hallucinations or hearing voices from heaven, but something much less pathological - if at all - like having that creepy feeling of being watched while taking shower.

Thoughts about that popped up this morning as I remembered a passing acquaintance who at a party blurted out - after having had a few drinks - how he always felt a presence of someone while he was taking his showers. Topic of the conversation had been about spooky movies, and he wanted to share his personal and surely "painless" version of the shower scene in Hitchcock's thriller "Psycho".

Except for appearing half-wasted by drinks, the dude didn't otherwise leave an impression of a paranoiac haunted by visions of his every move being watched. Thus, I didn't jump the gun then, and neither am I doing it now, to characterize it as more than an innocent oddity that most of us display in one way or another due to our subconscious mind playing tricks on us.

And yet, the incident tickled my curiosity, as it seemed to be pointing at a widespread weak sense of individuality, with all kinds of socially instilled authorities lurking from every corner of our minds.

Spying Drone in My Kitchen Analyzing the  Recipe of My Food for Home Security
Spying Drone in My Kitchen Analyzing the Recipe of My Food for Home Security

Feeling as an "Open Book"

After brainstorming on the subject for a while, a conclusion followed fragmented over several possibilities, while all of them had a common denominator spelled out as "outer authority". The first notion that came to mind was about many sensitive folks living under impression that they are like an "open book" to everyone, unable to put on a social mask that would effectively hide their emotions.

Especially those of a negative type, like envy, anger, resentment, hurt pride, and sarcasm, if not some more. Then, as they are taking shower, the nakedness of their body somehow hints to them a transparency of "everything they are trying to hide", and they may feel bad without really knowing why - instead of enjoying their shower.

Namely, mind has this default function to always associate the present situation to our regular concerns of security, in this case creating an impression of "all our hidden attitudes being exposed to some phantom-eyes", and making us feel uneasy about it.

Do you ever get such a feeling of being watched when you are alone? I don't, for the reasons that I couldn't really care less who is ever watching me. Recently there was an interesting theme tackled about our "losing privacy because of government spying on citizens". So I remember commenting on those concerns - which seem to be quite ubiquitous - by saying something like:

"Since I am not plotting any terrorist acts, and not even having any active interest in politics, I couldn't care less if anyone reads my emails, spies on my telephone calls, or uses a satellite to watch what's for dinner in my household".

Sometimes I could be caught walking naked in my living room for a moment or two - with curtains securing my privacy; but if my TV or my cable machine has a "hidden eye" installed in them - like some conspiracy theorists are suggesting - let those spies knock themselves out admiring my old and well preserved body.

Certain Thoughts Are just too much to some People's "Purity Filters"
Certain Thoughts Are just too much to some People's "Purity Filters"

Those Wicked, Sinful Thoughts!

Then another possibility within the same theme came rushing to my mind. It appears quite a common personality trait that people have a pronounced authoritative parental figure in their nature - likely installed there in their childhood. Seemingly unable to shake it off, or even unaware that they have one, they share those most private times, like that of taking shower with those imagined eyes.

I don't have to be particularly familiar with Freud's theorizing about the alleged paramount role of sexuality in our emotional dynamics - in order to assume how many sensitive folks bombard themselves, while taking shower, with the voice of inner critical parent over their "wicked thoughts and desires".

They may be completely spoiling that precious moment of relaxing under shower, with those countless droplets breaking over their skin and producing those vitalizing negative ions nurturing the nerves. Instead, as the case may be, they waste it with inner conflicts over "purity of thoughts and bodily sensations".

With no mocking intended but rather a due compassion - such may be especially the case of those religiously obsessed folks "specializing" in matters of sinfulness. To them it must be an ordeal, as they feel like no soap can scrub down the impurity of their sinful bodies.

One way or another, it always includes an authority, whether earthly or a celestial one.


When Rioting Is merely an Outlet for Our Inner Turmoil
When Rioting Is merely an Outlet for Our Inner Turmoil

Whose Are some of Emotions that We Are Taking for Ours?

This phenomenon of the inner voice of authority - not to be confused with our natural set of moral standards - is particularly evident at these times of global uncertainties, when people are obsessing over the qualities of their leaders, as if some of those career-minded individuals can make them happier, and some others more miserable than they already are.

While empathizing with that self-deluding crowd I can see how they are losing the sense of themselves being an ultimate authority in their lives, so impressed by those outer authorities that their daily efforts may carry a sad note of "What's the use because we are all doomed".

Their subconscious dynamism charged with irrational emotionality can so easily compute a message of their unworthiness, helplessness, and despair. You see, when we identify so much with our party, our favorite team, or our nation, our mind takes their losses and failures as our own.

Then in a further inner computation they get associatively amplified while connected to the whole inner fund of emotional garbage - like guilt, shame, rejection, anger, sadness, and what not. While all along we rationalize it by attaching some altruistic and patriotic labels to our pathetic loss of attachment to our own life and its priorities.

Before we know it, we start resembling those crowds on the typical Middle Eastern street constantly protesting something or someone. The "cause" doesn't even matter, and could really be about the neighbor on the floor above making noise at night, or neighbor's dog choosing our lawn for crapping every morning. Anything will do, as long as we can "blend" with a miserable crowd to feel less alone in our own misery.

May Shower Symbolize Our Naked Freedom from all Imaginary Authorities Allowing Them to Go down the Drain of Our Carefree Spirit
May Shower Symbolize Our Naked Freedom from all Imaginary Authorities Allowing Them to Go down the Drain of Our Carefree Spirit

Repossessing more than Our Shower

In a very narrowed definition, an "authority" is anybody or anything that has the power to pull our emotional strings in absence of our better conscious judgement. If it happens to be the political party that you passionately support, the whole assembly is waiting behind your shower curtain to slap a fresh coat of their symbolic red or blue all over you - so that you don't forget whom to identify with.

Then, it could also be nothing more than that note from your kid's teacher with a request to see you about your beloved offspring's failing in social studies. Not to forget that friend and her dark passion for any conspiracy theory in existence feeding your already panicking mind with her regular slogans, like: "Look at this world...everything is crushing down...leaders are betraying us, doctors are incompetent, the world is suffocating in stupidity...another big war is just a matter of time...and you can't trust these crazy drivers either..."

Indeed, all this makes some wish to hide in a hole and wait there for their predicted end. After all, if the Good Book is correct about everything else, it must be correct about our inglorious end.

Come on, folks, let us stop this nonsense of alienating ourselves from our true identity! Let us not allow ourselves to be brainwashed by the tsunamis of media's assaults on our intelligence. Indeed, what ever happened with that "guaranteed freedom to pursue our happiness", if we succumb to those voices that are doing everything to spoil every attempt of that pursuit. Think about it.

When we give up our individuality, our power to think outside the box, not much is left of our "freedom to choose", as we are merely following somebody else's choices, turning into insignificant specs of the human mass, sponging-in others' ideas, beliefs, and feelings. In other words, we are becoming nobodies.

I was raised in a communist regime, so believe me, I know what it looks like when folks are living everyone else's life except their own. And the whole tragicomedy is in exactly this crazy collectivistic idea that we are practicing something better than communism by surrendering our emotionalism to "higher good of everyone".

As some of you could see from many of my articles, I am truly passionate about my fellow-man's sense of personal sovereignty and spiritual freedom. It is my primary message that I am trying to deliver through these literary attempts.

It hurts my eyes seeing how widespread is this resignation from a conscious self-guidance, reminding me of those logs floating passively down the river to a destination where they will be cut into something that will never again look like a tree.

It's also my wish to tell such folks that they can't escape from themselves and their intimate issues by joining a crowd and venting their issues in those "causes" - instead of giving a due attention to their own lives, their own ideas, and life promoting beliefs.

Indeed, we don't heal by a patriotic or altruistic blending with a mass with a "label and a cause", but by coming home to nurture our own intimate reality where our authority is the only one there is. Born into this world with the same visa of kings and beggars, we can choose what to grow up to be.

And then my friends, we may stop sharing our shower with all those spooks of our own make - maybe even sing our lungs out while showering, and just watch how our song's lyrics feel more and more like a repeated refrain: "Who gives a rat's ass after all!!!"

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    • rebelogilbert profile image

      Gilbert Arevalo 7 months ago from Hacienda Heights, California

      Thanks for commenting, Val.

    • ValKaras profile image
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      Vladimir Karas 7 months ago from Canada

      Gilbert - Like I said : I don't really care about my privacy except for actual people interfering with my life; I mean uninvited visitors or others imposing themselves.

      Otherwise, I couldn't care less who is reading my emails, tapping my phone, or watching me. I never think about it, and it's a part of my well established mental self-discipline not to fuss about things.

      I wouldn't be able to say how I am enjoying my spiritual freedom, my emotional harmony - if on the other hand I worried about these things.

      My hubs are not really about my "sharing" MY problems, but pointing at those problems that I am observing in others' mentalities, and trying to inspire folks to do something about them.

      Likewise, I never "feel as being watched", but in my hub I am talking about people who have those inner authorities instilled into their personality structure, which are sabotaging their sense of freedom.

      If government finds it necessary to "spy" on my way of life - let them, I don't feel it as an "intrusion". To me it would be that only if they interrogated me about my having a turkey dinner at other time than Thanksgiving. Other than that, I don't feel violated one bit.

    • rebelogilbert profile image

      Gilbert Arevalo 7 months ago from Hacienda Heights, California

      You express a lot of feelings I often feel myself. I'm glad I'm not alone. I don't generally sense I'm being watched while taking a shower or watching the t.v., however, I am well aware our privacy is threatened by every corner of our lives, the Internet, social media, the government, our national security, and you can list many other intrusive organizations.

    • ValKaras profile image
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      Vladimir Karas 7 months ago from Canada

      MizBajabbers - Now I got the picture...oops, I mean of the situation, not the one that he forgot to take with camera that he didn't have. (I hope you don't mind some humor; if you do, I apologize).

      So Johnny and his buddies packed the little bastard to Detroit, and you bought new curtains for your bathroom, and then everybody lived happily ever after - especially the Peeping Tom who now got himself a huge area to cover. Probably bought himself a bullet-proof vest for his hazardous hobby, after learning how those folks treat Peeping Toms. I hope he is still alive, or married, and peeking through the lock hole when his wife is taking shower.

      Well, I don't know, I have never been a good story teller - it's obvious, so I'll let you imagine what happened. By the way, now I got so distracted that I forgot what my hub was all about - but I certainly like your spirit, MizBejabbars. I think, from now on, I am going to call you my friend.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 7 months ago

      LOL, Val. He didn't have a camera and I didn't call the cops. They wouldn't have done anything. He was an 18-year-old Black kid. In those days if you reported him to his "culture", they would take care of the problem. My boyfriend back then was a musician who occasionally jammed with a black musician, Johnny, who toured with Aretha Franklin. Johnny and his fellow musicians literally bought this guy a bus ticket to Detroit, put him on the bus, and told him not to come back to town. He didn't, at least not as long as I continued to live there. Small town, we would have known.

    • ValKaras profile image
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      Vladimir Karas 7 months ago from Canada

      MsDora - Thanks. Particularly these days I can't help being puzzled (to say the least) over this massive political ordeal in the US as it is pointing at an unbelievable case of people being "possessed" by the hypnotic influence of authorities.

      Well, let's hope for an acceptable and rational outcome.

    • ValKaras profile image
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      Vladimir Karas 7 months ago from Canada

      Alex - That's some amazing stuff you are sharing here. O.K., I won't brag about being familiar with the world of paranormal - although in a distant past I used to be a charter member of a parapsychological foundation.

      But then my interests shifted, not because I didn't like that anymore but because it became a matter of intellectual priority to me. My mind is still very open to the world of the invisible, and I understand why it became your passion.

      Thank you for interesting comment.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 7 months ago from The Caribbean

      Very interesting as you usually are! I sense your passion for setting folks free from those inner voices of authority which cause much of their inner conflict. Good arguments.

    • AlexK2009 profile image

      AlexK2009 7 months ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

      I have several times had the feeling while coding that someone was behind me looking over my shoulder but when I turned round there was no one there. It only happened a couple of times but each time it meant the contract was about to end prematurely. Except possibly one time when my son was about ten and the next day I got a message he had broken his collarbone.

      I should say that I have had contracts end unexpectedly before without this sensation but but nowadays I take this sensation seriously, just like the occasional sense of Deja Vu or having dreamed what just happened, like my forst day at work after graduating.

    • ValKaras profile image
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      Vladimir Karas 7 months ago from Canada

      MizBejabbers - I guess he came more than once, which proves something about your looks. Did the cops seize his camera?

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 7 months ago

      Ha! you would say that. It was just my two boys and me. I was 32 and not too bad lookin' if I do say so myself.

    • ValKaras profile image
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      Vladimir Karas 7 months ago from Canada

      MizBejabbers - Of course God and Santa are watching me - we are Los Tres Amigos. As for the Peeping Tom, unless he is a Spider Man to climb to the seventh floor, and he has a pair of cutters to cut a hole in the balcony net preventing pigeons from visiting and crapping around - I don't see how he would have a chance to take a peek into my living room. Besides, my bathroom doesn't have a window.

      On the other hand, your family had probably some good looking young women for a target - and who would go through so much trouble just to see a couple of old-timers here.

      Like I said, I don't even care who is watching. Thanks for the nice comment.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 7 months ago

      Beware, God is watching you! Or Santa Claus. Or you could actually be being watched. Our family had that happen once. Seems the Peeping Tom discovered he could climb upon the water meter and watch through the window while we took our baths or showers. So guess what, it ain't always our demons. It's our next-door neighbor. LOL

      Good article, anyway.