Fess the F*** Up
You Made the World Around You
“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” John F. Kennedy
John F. Kennedy knew what was up when he said that. You have to change if you want to survive. So do you? I think we all do. But how do you want to survive? Personally, I would like to survive via holding myself accountable for the work, because it feels good to accomplish all my goals, which have been at one time, my dreams.
The most important day in my life was the one in which I looked around and no one else was there. I was hiding misery behind a smile. I was calling my bad decisions the right ones. I was on a path of self-destruction and it was nobody’s fault but my own. I got me there. I mapped out the trip with myself, got in the car, started driving, filled up the gas tank and made the pit stops. I probably also ate too many potato chips on the way.
There was nothing anyone else could have to done to change my mind and therefore, they could not affect my actions. So how could I continue blaming them for what I was doing?
I was, and am to blame. I realized I was not holding myself accountable for anything in my life. Things like “shit happens” and “what are ya gonna do?” were things I said and thought often, not knowing that I was in fact, in complete control of my life that entire time. I was, for the first time, 100% certain that I had brought, through all of those thoughts and actions, all of this negativity into my own life.
That moment hurt me more than anything else ever could have because up until that moment, I was in denial. I’m not a bad person so I can’t be making things this bad right? Not so much. You are supposed to be “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you” but for that little trick to really work, you also have to do unto yourself what you would have others do unto you. If you don’t respect you that’s no problem for everybody else, but don’t expect them to jump right in and give you the respect that you wish they would. This principle, I now know, is called the “Law of Attraction”.
The Law, stated simply, just means that you attract into your life whatever you think about.
Do You Use a Crutch?
People believe different things and I wouldn’t expect you to be the exception to that rule. Some say that it works because we are, after all, made up of energy, and if we put that in line with the frequency we want, by using positive thoughts, we are focusing in on the good stuff instead of the bad stuff. It is also possible that you are focusing on the more positive things you want, so you’re noticing them and the opportunities around them more.
If you don’t think you deserve the best, in spite of all the work you do to obtain the finer things in life, you will find yourself sabotaging your chances. This is likely because somewhere inside yourself, you’re not really convinced that you deserve those finer things in life. I find this to be the case with most people. You would be shocked how many of us say things like “I don’t need to be rich; I just want to be comfortable.” Bull. Shit. BE RICH.
But you can’t be rich if you can’t wrap your head around all that cash can you? Let’s break it down a little bit more.
For example, it doesn’t make much sense for you to decide you want to lose weight, but to overeat at all meals does it? You probably shouldn’t get pissed off if you decide you’re going to fuck off at work and then you don’t get more money in your annual review. It doesn’t serve any real purpose to feel sorry for yourself when you decide to do something over and over again that you know isn’t right for your greater well-being or purpose and then you don’t see the results in your life that you want.
Sure, sometimes a candy bar is exactly what we need for a quick pick me up. But don’t use the “pick me up” excuse every time you put something bad into your body. And yes, sometimes we do need to live a little, go out, have fun, stay up late, and blow off steam, but maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t do it the day before a big meeting.
These things are all up to you. Rather than using the bad stuff as a crutch to make you happy right now – momentarily; it’s time to start being honest with yourself.
Fess the fuck up.
Be honest with yourself. What’s the bigger issue? Why do you use a “crutch” in your life? Why do any of us do it? We think they help. And sometimes they do. But the key is to know when to stop using them. Eventually they aren’t helping you.
You eat the candy because you’re stressed out. I’ve heard you say it one thousand times. “I am stressed out, I need candy.” Fine. But I am starting to wonder if you maybe you just hate the company you work for because they under-value your work no matter how much energy you put into a project. No shit you feel stressed. What else do you have to do to get a thank you?
How many times a month do you go shopping? A little retail therapy never hurt anyone, but if you’re racking up debt over “retail therapy” because secretly you want your husband to notice you and you think new clothes will help (even though they haven’t so far) you have real issues that need to be addressed.
This is all cause and effect. The reaction you chose is important because yeah, sometimes all you need is a new pair of shoes and it makes you feel better, but if you have 100 pairs of shoes, and a dysfunctional family, the greater issue should be clear.
So think on your life and uncover the crutches that you use. Keep in mind, anything that you use as a crutch may also, when used the right way, be defined as a pick me up and may not necessarily always be terrible for you. I call these things “The Happy List” (discussed in my first book “Shut the F*** Up). I firmly believe that every single person should have one of these lists. But it is just as important to note when those things become excessive in your life and why. Issues don’t go away just because you are ignoring them.
It's Your Turn
Create your own list of crutches, being as honest as possible. Otherwise, there really isn’t much point. Include a brief note stating why you use the particular crutch you are noting. Explain quickly why you have this crutch in your life.
Is it always easy to change? No. But if you always do what you did, you will always get what you got. And I for one don’t want that at all. Sure, I have been great. But I want to be greater. Do you know what I mean?
So ask yourself which things on that list you think you can or should, or even want to keep in your life. Be honest with yourself because honesty matters. If you can’t even tell yourself the truth when no one is looking how can you expect to change?
Practice - that’s how. Practice is how we make change. If it hurts too much, be honest about one thing a day until you feel ready to move on. You can do it.