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Finding Happiness in Yourself

Updated on October 14, 2016

Did you know that many people fear joy? Dr. Brene Brown says that joy is terrifying to some and that fear is the main obstacle to achieving true joy. She had examples from her own life. She said that, when she watched her sleeping child, she felt immense love and joy and then a huge fear, wondering, what if something terrible happens my child? Psychological research shows that people who live "here and now" are confident, optimistic and satisfied with their lives, unlike people who are burdened by the past or worry about the future.

The first step to finding joy in everyday life is to cease to be afraid of it. The second step is to accept unpleasant feelings. Unshed tears block a joy. We should allow ourselves to be vulnerable, no matter how scary it looks. We need to set perfectionism free. It is detrimental to the joy of life. We need to develop a love of ourselves and to try to nurture the everyday joy.

Loving ourselves is a starting point of a quality and fulfilling life. If we do not love ourselves, we can’t love other people; there is no satisfaction in life and good interpersonal relations. When we love ourselves, we are not a burden to other people but an inspiration. By loving ourselves, we will find inner happiness.

Every morning is a new opportunity for a new beginning. Look at a mirror and tell yourself: "From this moment, I start building my happier life." Your thoughts can be a balm or poison. They can be beneficial, but can also destroy your body or spirit. If you start thinking negatively, you need to stop and start thinking of something nice and good in your life. This way you will form a new habit.

One of the modern world’s fallacies is that nothing can be achieved without the rush and hassle. If you're looking for true inner happiness, you need a deep peace. Slow down your pace of life. Don’t expect a sudden fortune; you need to build it slowly. Don’t ignore your small successes; every day make one small step. Take the sad moments seriously, but not tragically. Find something good in each accident, at least a lesson for the future, and it will change your life. Start treating yourself like a special person you love. Don’t criticize and belittle yourself.


If you compare yourself with those who are happier than you, it will bring only depression and envy. Look at those less fortunate, and you will realize that you are immensely happy because you are alive and you have this day. If you constantly feel you always do something for the others, at least once a day stop and say: all of them can wait, I'm going to do something for myself. You can have peaceful minutes drinking your coffee or having a short and pleasant conversation with a loved one. Every day remember: the best path to happiness is when you make others happy. Start with something small. To each person you meet, say something nice, something that will brighten his or her day. The result will surprise you. At the end of the day, before you close your eyes, think of something nice. Create your own little movie of past and future events, and be a hero in this movie, not a loser.

When we were kids, we had no problem recognizing happiness every time it knocked on the door. We didn’t ask how long it would stay. As adults, we are not able to detect the happiness; we make it an impossible goal. Happiness is when we know that everything will come to its own place regardless of the current circumstances. Happiness is when we have a deep faith in the fact that the universe works in our favor, not to our harm.


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    • Cee-Jay Aurinko profile image

      Cee-Jay Aurinko 18 months ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      I really need to start forming the habit of thinking positive thoughts. I know I'm depressed, but it's not something I bring up with anyone, ever. I've been this all my life and I know how much it messes things up for me. I'd think of awesomer people, like celebrities and whatnot, and try to motivate myself this way, but lol, my make up is not wired this. When realization sets in, I feel bummed again. And down I go. I've never seen a shrink. I've never taken a pill. I'll try thinking positively from now on, but depression has become almost like a permanent punching bag to me. Sometimes I jab it. Sometimes it jabs back. I'll try my utmost to follow your advice. Thank you for a much-needed hub Billie Jean Bateson!

    • profile image

      Maria 18 months ago

      I like this article. And you are right. When we were kids, everything was simpler. As adults, we needlessly complicate out lives.