For the Men of the Expecting Mothers-Survival Tips
Treat her the way you would want someone to treat your mother
If you love her-Make sure she feels it
I have heard that some men are absolutely wonderful while their wives are pregnant. Others are absolutely clueless, not only do they need to be pointed in the right direction-they need to be shoved. It is not because they don’t care (at least I hope not), but they really don’t have a clue what they should do for the wives, who all of a sudden have a different attitude, outlook, some woman are sick, cranky, emotional, almost all are tired, preoccupied and absentminded. With all of the emotional instability that woman possess during pregnancy, I am surprised that we don’t hear of expecting woman murdering their husbands, (perhaps that’s only because we are too tired to think of somewhere to hide the bodies). What men need to know about this time in a woman life and this time in your relationship is, this is about her-this is her time-this is about the baby and making sure that the child she is growing inside of her is as healthy as it can be when the arrival time comes. This is not about you, men have an extremely hard time realizing this, specially if they are use to being the center of the world. Get over it. For all those men out there that have pregnant wives, girlfriends or soon to be ‘Babies Mamma’s’, here are some suggestions to keep her smiling and keep you out of hot water…
- Talk to her. If she is excited about the baby, be excited together. Woman need to know that we are not alone, especially during the first pregnancy or a pregnancy that is conceived during hard times within the relationship.
- Don’t leave her out. I was hurt while pregnant by my husband. My energy wore out faster than his, and I was ready to go home sooner than later. His solution to this was; you stay home and Ill be back later. Don’t do this. This hurts and isolates your woman. If she wants to go, let her go, if she wants to rest at home; let her stay home-but give her the choice.
- As her weight increases and the shape of her body changes, she will have days that she loves the way that she looks pregnant; she will also have days she feels like a whale. Make surprise compliments to her. Example-she is sitting folding laundry, she has just gotten out of the shower, she is watching TV when you come inside the house---look at her and tell her, “You are so beautiful-I love you,” or “I cant believe how lucky I am to have you”, say it when she isn’t expecting it. It means more. Say it and mean it-don’t say it in any joking manner.
- Surprise her. Surprise her with flowers two or three times during those months. It doesn’t count if they are; I am sorry flowers given after a fight that left her in tears. They need to be, just because flowers. It’s a nice gesture. If she isn’t a flower girl (meaning you have given her flowers before and she told you I don’t see the point in these-they always die, how is that suppose to represent love?), write her a poem or a letter if you are articulate- if you are not, Hallmark Greeting Cards are there for you.
- Give her a break. If she is the primary house keeper in the family and she hates doing the dishes-help her out once or twice a week without being asked. Get your butt up off the couch and wash the dishes. Then surprise her once again and put them up, if she sees you doing them and says, I’m sorry, I’ll take care of it-tell her no babe, I got it, you do enough, why don’t you sit down and rest or pull up a chair and you can keep me company..
- Understandably most men can not go to every doctor appointment a woman has to check on the baby’s and her condition. Go to at least four appointments with her. It’s called support. She did not get pregnant by herself-don’t make her do everything by herself. When she brings up childbirth classes-say, just tell me when babe, don’t complain about having to spend an entire weekend in a class with a bunch of expecting parents and do not ever tell her that you have more important things to do than sit through these classes. Here is a news flash-“Your wife probably had some things she needed to get done before she found out she was pregnant-but being an incubator for your child took precedence over her wants and needs. Now her wants and needs take precedence over what you want to do instead of being there for her.
- Make sure she has some sort of a baby shower-even if you have to throw it for her. It isn’t about the presents for all women; it’s about being the most important person at that event. It is also exciting for her to see all the little clothes and toys she will be surrounding your baby with; it lets her know this is all real and gets her ready for the baby’s arrival.
- When she cries-listen, don’t let her cry alone every time she is scared, worried or apprehensive about what is going to be changing. Reassure her of what she is capable of and let her know that you are there for the long haul and will help in every way that you can.
- Talk with your spouse often about the baby-your plans for the baby- ideas for the baby’s name or how the nursery should be set up. Don’t include money issues in these conversations, talking about money or lack there of, can result in a fight very quickly. These are supposed to be positive hopeful conversations about the new addition to your family and to this world. A child is a gift, a treasure. Speak of his/her arrival as that gift or treasure
- This is one for post pardon- even if she is struggling to get into a groove, even if she thinks she is doing everything horribly and is the most horrible mother that ever existed- compliment her. The absolute best compliment I have ever gotten from people in my life was, “You are a great mother, and I am impressed with how well you are able to handle things.” She needs to hear this because she is trying. Maternal Instinct is one thing, but a human being depending on you for each and everything-is terrifying and she has probably doubted herself once or twice. Help remove her doubt. She will be happier, calmer and better equipped to do the things she needs to do for your newborn.
Although pregnancy is different for all women-we still need to hear much of the same things from men. If these are things that you are already doing-BIG BIG pat on the back for you…If you aren’t and you find yourself swimming in a boiling pool of water more often than not-perhaps some of these suggestions can help you get to the shallow end of the pool before you drowned. Good Luck and Congratulations!