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From Riches To Rags - Nothing Is Forever

Updated on July 2, 2011

There was a time when I could see the world clearly through my eyes. Now everything is like gazing though a smoke filled haze. It's like I'm in the middle of a thick fog and can no longer think or feel.
All I want to do is end this and go back to where and who I was.

I had everything I could possibly want and now, I have nothing. Things are collapsing so fast around me as if the sky is falling and nothing I do or feel can ever put it back together again.

It's all happening so fast and what am I to do? The money I once had, friendships, happier times -- they're all gone and there is nothing left for me -- at least nothing that matters anymore.
It is so black, so eternal, so empty.
I am numb from head to foot.
And now, the tingling begins; first in my ams, slowly eroding down to my toes.
I am so dissy, so pain free and yet a tear is shedding from my eye. It will soon be over and then I'll be home to where I was meant to be.

Forgive me but I can bear no more.
This life was good at some stops along the way and I had success, but now is just too much to bear and I don't want it anymore.
I just long for this to end and then I'll be free to start over. I didn't make it this time. I feel it's not supposed to be like this. Maybe next time it'll be better and I'll get it right.

People are cruel, kids are cruel, the world is a bad place to be in right now and I am broken, beaten. It's just hard so hard, but no more.
No one will really miss me and the world is still going to go on without me, without skipping a beat.
I don't mean anything to anyone. I thought I did but not any more.
There is nothing here for me, not now and not ever. I'm hungry -- nothing to eat, nothing to do, nothing to live for.
No one cares.

I can hear you all now --
"Get over it man, it can't be that bad" and --
"o'- please don't. Talk to someone --- I care."
Always two sides, but no one really, I mean really cares. They're all just pretenders.
Who would give a damn about me? You don't even know me.

The pills are in front of me and I stare at them, fearing what will come next.
Does the soul really go on?
Will I be punished for what I'm about to do?
Is there really life after all this crap?
I so want to find out and learn the truth.
If all goes black, then I'll never know, will I, but it has to be better than what's here now.
I believe there is something ahead and so I say -- "It's been a blast -- but you lose, just like me."

I leave this world behind and yet, I did do some good things here -- I know I did.
But what does it all mean?
Why is there so much heartbreak and hurt?
Why am I feeling this way --- it hurts so much and I can't stand it any longer.
I just want to make it stop. I just want to -- sleep -- Now.

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      marellen 6 years ago

      Depression is a horrible diesease and seems like a lonely one too. Interesting short-story.