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Do You Feel Guilt from The Loss Of A Loved One?

Updated on April 5, 2011
Hearts have wings
Hearts have wings

Death is something we all must face in this life

I think guilt is a part of the grieving process. We all wish we could have done something to prevent the loss ie; maybe we should have done this or that. Maybe we could have prevented it.

Grieving is a normal/natural process because loss is devastating anytime love is involved. We no longer have or can we be a part of that persons life in the physical sence. We believe that bond has been broken. I believe bonds can never be broken. Maybe in the physical sence but never in the heart. Our hearts will carry this bond until the day we die.

We may not be able to speak to or touch or share but the driving force that inspired us is still within us...LOVE... and that my friend will never leave/abandon us. I believe one takes love with them no matter where they go.

Our sence of security lies within us and all we need to do is reach for it. It's there. It may be clouded with hurt, loss and guilt but it's still there. Memories are precious. They are meant to be cherished, not lived in/consumed by. They are a gift and no one is left without them. No one has been abandoned in the spiritual sence. They are meant to remain with us to comfort us and remind us of the love we shared.

Many live in/remain in their grief do to guilt which prolongs the healing process. Don't let this happen to you. Don't allow grief to destroy what has been most precious to you. There will always be something we could have done better. There will always be "if onlys". Don't let them destroy you because these kinds of thoughts will eat you alive and cloud your judgement.

You can't be everything to anybody. We were'nt made that way. Why we can't even be everything to ourselves! It's impossible because we're not perfect. Don't get me wrong, we should strive for perfection but our expectations can be too high and one should not punish him/herself for not aquiring it. I encourage you to read my hub "Expectations".

There is only one thing that is perfect and that is love. No matter what we may have lacked in, we had love. Love can make us want to leap bounds, go beyond our capacity and try to achieve the impossible because love is powerful! We will never be able to measure up to love and guilt will make us try. Guilt will try to overpower love, but it's impossible. That battle will never be won!

Nothing comes close to love. Nothing will ever be equal to it. Nothing will ever destroy it! Love always remains the same.

So if you find yourself burdened with grief, remember the love. Love is in your heart and it will remain there to comfort you until the day you die. That is love's purpose. Even tho we may not be able to touch in the physical sence we have touched in the spiritual and that has more meaning in the end. That is solid and it can't be moved!

Love has wings and it can go anywhere. It can leap bounds in the spiritual sence and Love never dies!!!

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    • TimeHealsAll profile imageAUTHOR

      TimeHealsAll 

      8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you Dave. Failure can destroy if one lets it. Failer to accomplish is something we all must face because we can't always live up to what is expected of us whether by someone else or even if we expect it of ourselves. Some things are impossible to accomplish because nature/the natural has a say in it. We can beat our heads into a wall with "if onlys" and "I should have's" or "I could have's". The only one who has the final say is God. God says, He knows the time of our birth and the time of our death so...could we really have controlled the situation or even had a say in it. The truth is "we lack/we fall short". Like my hub "Expectations" explains..All we can do is be the best we can be and except that we are not perfect. We all make mistakes..the rest is up to God. Blessings brother Dave!

    • Dave Mathews profile image

      Dave Mathews 

      8 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

      TimeHealsAll: I understand what you're saying about attachments and bonds. I believe that the love we shared is carried on in our hearts. To feel guilty for failing to live up to anothers expectations, or to fail to accomplish something while they were alive is for me a waste of emotion, feeling sorry for yourself, not for them. "IF ONLY" is living in the land of makebelieve not reality.

      Brother Dave.

    • TimeHealsAll profile imageAUTHOR

      TimeHealsAll 

      8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      I too believe in death being celebrated knowing that they have gone on to be with our Lord. I also believe that there is a grieving process because of the attachment/bond we created here on earth, and because of that bond we strive to be the best that we can be to our loved ones and if we fail/lack to provide/meet the requirements we may feel guilt as a result. If one could let go as easily as you have specified (having the ability to, which I admire your strength and I wish we all had it) death would surly be overcome. I guess being human can fail us at times...Blessings brother Dave.

    • Dave Mathews profile image

      Dave Mathews 

      8 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

      Grieving is something most have to go through, but not all. I for one do not believe in it. I believe death is something to be celebrated. As a Christian death is the returning of one's spirit back to God in Heaven. So why grieve. It seems to me that the grievor is actually more upset because they are still left behind.

      Brother Dave.

    • TimeHealsAll profile imageAUTHOR

      TimeHealsAll 

      8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you brother no body! Satan is the master of deception and he will take us into emotions and bury us in them. His purpose is to decieve, distort and twist our minds. He will cloud our thinking through deception into believing that love, peace and joy do not exist. His purpose is to keep us under.

      We must listen to God and rise above because God can restore our minds and hearts and He will comfort us and assure us that love, peace and joy do indeed exist for He is our Lord and Savior! Amen! Love you too brother!

    • TimeHealsAll profile imageAUTHOR

      TimeHealsAll 

      8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you brother Quill! What if's, why's and if only's will drive us crazy because we just can't live up to their expectations of us. This doesn't mean they won't keep waving their ugly heads. Satan has a way of tormenting us to no end through our weakness's. We must look to God for our strength as the trial will then become lighter and eventually fade. God bless you brother!

    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 

      8 years ago from Rochester, New York

      Don't know if I disagree with you or not sister. I think I always used the words in a more spiritual sense and not as psychological. I usually think of guilt as Satan telling us what we did and making us feel bad. (i.e. How could you have done that sin? You are not fit to be a child of God) I think of conviction as God saying You have sinned. The guilt continues because Satan never stops his relentless pursuit of the child of God. Conviction stops as one confesses and forsakes the sin. If someone is not sinning and/or confessed and forsook such sin, there is no more prodding from God. He forgets it and so should the person. If the person continues in guilt it is because the person is letting Satan win and listening to him. The relationship ending - was it of the Lord or not? If it was, allow yourself to grieve for a moment and then thank God for His direction in your life. If the breakup was not of the Lord a asking forgiveness may be in order and the Lord would tell one if they are to do that. I grieve from people leaving my life. Many have. I lay it at God's feet and thank Him for His direction. I thank Him for His protection. I thank Him because He knows my hurts. As far as love goes, I've never ever stopped loving anyone I have loved. I love even when they have hurt me. I just love them in a different fashion. I enjoy them while they are with me and when the Lord allows them to go a little piece of my heart goes with them. It will make the throne of grace that much sweeter when we all gather there to worship in heaven. Of course emotions are tricky things. Hard to gauge and grief can rebound but like any other weakness you just have to lay it at Jesus' feet and carry on. I love you sister.

    • profile image

      "Quill" 

      8 years ago

      Hi Times... great hub as always and as I was reading I was thinking of al the "what ifs' and why ifs' we all have in life. Though provoking hub as what I pulled from it was the lessons learned from these questions. Should we re[eat them over and over maybe we should be looking at ourselves because we should be learning from them.

      Blessings and Hugs

    • TimeHealsAll profile imageAUTHOR

      TimeHealsAll 

      8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      I agree Judah's Daughter! Once one has experienced love one never forgets it. It is the greatest, most powerful feeling in the universe! If there ever was a cure for anything...it is love!!!

    • TimeHealsAll profile imageAUTHOR

      TimeHealsAll 

      8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you samsons1 for the thumbs up! I'm glad you enjoyed this!

    • TimeHealsAll profile imageAUTHOR

      TimeHealsAll 

      8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you His daughter. I want to delve into these so called "promptings" a little more. I have probably had 1000's of promptings in my lifetime. If I gave in to everyone of them I would have gone crazy. In most cases there was no validity to them so they could'nt be trusted. Promptings can create guilt if the one time something does happen and you weren't there to do anything. So when does one know if they are valid or not and if one misses a valid prompt guilt sets in and it then becomes an "if only". Prompts can be difficult to live by because you really can't count on their validity. Blessings to you too!

    • Judah's Daughter profile image

      Judah's Daughter 

      8 years ago from Roseville, CA

      All relationships have a mixture of love and other emotions ~ sort of like the flesh (i.e. guilt) warring against the spirit (i.e. love) and vise versa. Truly, what is of love will be lasting. No matter how or why a relationship ends, the love shared will forever remain and overcome all other fleshly emotion. Love truly is the most powerful gift given to us by God.

    • samsons1 profile image

      Sam 

      8 years ago from Tennessee

      voted up & beautiful! Well written and descriptive hub. Love never faileth...

    • profile image

      His daughter 

      8 years ago

      All the more reason to follow those promptings we may get to do or to speak to others when we have the opportunity to follow our promptings. One of the secrets of living without so many regrets. All too often we ignore and put off to what we may feel is a more convenient time...however, as you indicated, there may not be a more convenient time.

      God bless.

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