Grief help, Top Five Tips...
Reaction to loss
Grief is never a great thing but it is an emotional response that we all have to handle. Actually grief is not an emotion, not really. It is a collection of emotions that are bundled together and labeled 'grief'. Truth is we can grieve many things but the death of a loved one is the worst. Grief is the reaction to the loss.
It is the worst because that person is no longer accessible to us. That is the worst part of having to say goodbye to someone because they are dead. There is a huge hole left in our lives because they have passed on to another life.
I am a firm believer in the spirit of the human being, so, i don't believe that they no longer exist, but that they exist in their true form and no longer inhabit their earth suit, the physical body. Grief is a selfish expression of losing someone but it is a necessary evil and has to be expressed or more damage is done.
According to mental health professionals grief goes through stages and each stage needs to be addressed, so that the cycle of grief is preformed and then recovery can begin.
It is alright to grieve and we each go through our own patterns of grief, so that our heart's mind can deal with the most severe type of loss that we experience as people.
Losing someone you love and know is the worst kind of grief. And it is because that person is no longer a part of our world. The familiar things we used to do with those certain folks are no longer the same or produce the same response.
Losing loving parents is different from losing children and is different from losing other family members and friends, but they all have their own heartache that can never be duplicated, at anytime or anywhere.
Bereavement is a state of loss, so don't confuse the two.
Stages of, the Kubler-Ross theory (dying or grieving) :
- Disbelief / Denial - this is considered a defense that does not last long.
- Anger - once realization occurs, temper tantrums and fits of rage are displayed.
- Bargaining - attempts to make deals with whomever, and becomes cooperative or congenial.
- Depression - signs of withdrawal, lethargy and intense sobbing, mentally and physically deteriorate.
- Acceptance - support is needed, free to make arrangements for future events.
These expressions of emotions or feelings occur but not always in any specific order, although at the end we all hope that the individual comes to the stage of acceptance without too much irrevocable chaos.
- Emotional expression like, crying, allow privacy, expression of anger
- Be available, Stay positive, encourage
- Talk about good things, memories, accomplishments and hopes
- Do things the person enjoys, example hobbies, travel, entertainment
- Explore nature it is a good healer, exposure to sun, sand, sea and the other wonders of the world can give a griever perspective
It is important for the person who is grieving to know that they have support, that they are not alone, that they themselves have something to live and hope for, make them aware that the future is still bright.
That death is a transition, especially for those who believe in God or who were Christians. The fact that we one day will see our loved ones makes it all the more easier to deal with the fact that we will no longer have them around.
Regret,(to feel sorrow or remorse) is a strong emotion that plays havoc with those who lose loved ones dear to them. Which is why we must remember to take advantage of doing good and loving people while they are alive and can appreciate what we do for them.
The 'should haves', 'what ifs', and 'shouldn't have', make dealing with death and loss even more difficult, so give the flowers and visit while you have the person around.
Allow for people to express their sense of loss. Yes, it is selfish if and when it goes too far but none of us but the person who is grieving is the best judge of that. When i lost my mother it was the worse time of my life, but because of her teaching and the fact that i know God for myself, i was able to get through, but it was not easy. It's still hard, at certain times it is harder than others.
It is the little things that you tend to feel the most, for me it is picking up the phone to call her only to realize that she won't be answering the call. I miss her voice, especially.
I hated people telling me i should cry or scream and holler or break down. It actually angered me that they felt that was how i should grieve the loss of my mother. But i cried, i sobbed her loss until all i could do was crawl to my bed in exhaustion.
After the confirmation of my mother's passing, i went into my bathroom laid on the floor and wept. I would accept no consoling and for my husband and children that was the difficult part for them.
I allowed myself to sob, to question why, to absorb the loss and the incredulous knowledge that my mother was dead, gone from me.
It is even harder when you have a close relationship with that loved one. In my case my mother was a single parent, my confidante, my teacher, my best friend, my sounding board, someone i trusted to be available to me no matter what occurred in my life.
Acceptance, is the ultimate achievement necessary to continue on with some normalcy, and it can be achieved. But anyone grieving over any loss in their lives has to go through what works for them.
Things that cause grief:
- Health crisis or deadly disease prognosis
- Relationship break ups or break downs
- Adultery, the discovery of cheating
- The loss of anything precious to the individual
- Betrayal of any sort
Truth is grief is necessary when we feel we have lost anything that was important to us. It is so we can begin the road to recovery, living our lives to the best of our ability, and still reminding ourselves as long as there is life, there is hope.
Having or feeling you have something worthwhile to live for makes all the difference.