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H1N1 Envy

Updated on January 11, 2010


As I’m typing this I’m realizing that when I’m done I’ll need to disinfect my keyboard. That’s right, I have what is commonly called, “The Common Cold” and much like people who “slip up” in Mexico by not drinking the water but then brush their teeth with the water and suddenly become ill, we germ ridden monkeys always tend to “slip” up by never cleaning our phones or keyboards and therefore re-infecting ourselves all over again. There’s no way you’re going to be able to clean and disinfect everything you touch and no matter how many people tell you that if you do this or that it will make the cold last for less days the point is that when you’re sick all you really know is that you feel as though you’ll never feel well again and that whining is going to be involved. But the real problem is that now with the old H1N1 around, if all you’ve got is a cold, no one wants to hear about it. H1N1 Envy – Don’t Get Me Started!

I get a cold maybe once or twice a year and although I always “work” through it (would I be any kind of Jew if I didn’t work while sick and become a complete martyr?) for the most part the colds are more annoying than life shattering. The cold I have at the moment is a head cold so I find myself feeling like Morty, the six thousand year old Jew. I walk about at a slight angle, ask everyone to repeat everything they say (because my head is so full of gunk I can’t hear anything) and my mouth is constantly open just a bit as it’s my only chance of breathing with my stuffed up nose. A very attractive look to be sure.

But what really gets me is that when people talk to me on the phone or see me, they’re like, “You sound (look) awful, what’s going on?” Besides this being the last thing you want to hear when you know you look and sound awful, what gets me is that now that the H1N1 has come along, no one really has much interest once they find out what you’ve got is “just” the common cold. My own mother was like, “Well, it’s just a head cold, it’s not like it’s H1N1 or anything.” A friend was like, “Well, I’m around kids all the time so I know colds can be annoying but don’t forget that my daughter had Swine Flu and we had to get her on Tamiflu immediately.”

I don’t think for one minute that my friend’s daughter had Swine Flu, she was better in a few days and while I know that drugs can be a wonderful thing, I don’t think that they’re that good. But what gets me even more is that at my age (45) I’m not even considered as a possible H1N1 infectee. That’s right, it’s only for the young and old according to some reports. When they started to administer the (the only word I can think of right now is “antidote”) they said that they wouldn’t even give it to us forty-somethings because we weren’t in the possible group of infectees. Is it any wonder I’m so bitter toward the H1N1 and it’s ageist views? So as I sit here blowing my nose and wondering just how many more days it’s going to take before I begin to feel like myself again, I can’t help but think of those people with their H1N1 and all the attention they’re getting while us common cold clutch just suffer in silence (well, almost silence). H1N1 Envy – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      Perfect Sara - they SOOOOO deserve it more!!! Whatever! ;) back at ya!

    • Sara Tonyn profile image

      Sara Tonyn 7 years ago from Ohio, the Buckeye State

      Excellent hub! Funny and clever! :D

      I was going to bring you a box of Puffs but decided it was more important to give it to someone with H1N1. You know, someone who's actually sick. ;)