ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Hallucinations and Delusions-My Experience

Updated on October 23, 2017
Source

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2010. I was 37 years old. I began to experience hallucination out of the blue. I don't know what caused it, and neither does my doctor. He thinks it is unusual to start having a psychotic disorder so late in life. Usually you are diagnosed by the early twenties.

I had never had any psychotic symptoms before, although looking back I know I had symptoms of a mood disorder. I would get "manic" and become very impulsive. I would have long depressions. When I started having hallucinations, it was during one of my manic periods.

The first sign was I began to see people's auras. I would see metallic greens and blues surrounding people and objects. I started to believe that I could heal myself and others with a touch, or even by just thinking and intending for them to heal.

I started to become obsessed with anything to do with spirituality. Yoga, meditation, esoteric and religious subjects. I spent hours every day meditating, doing yoga, and researching spirituality.

It was either a spiritual awakening, or I really do have delusions. I am still not sure which is true.

I stayed up for four days at the peak of my manic episode. I began to hear the voice of God. It was a male voice. I could feel his presence in the room surrounding me. Then my delusions started changing quickly. I thought the world was ending. I thought there were vampires out to get me. I thought I was turning into the Goddess Athena. I thought I could feel and hear all of the voices of everyonein the world at the same time.

My boyfriend began to notice something was wrong with me. He took me to the hospital. They wouldn't do anything for me except give me an Ambian for sleep. This just made the hallucinations worse. I could see a yellow fog with tiny World War 1 soldiers inside it, fighting. It was the fifth day, and I still couldn't sleep for more than a few minutes. I had energy rushes in my body that kept waking me up.

My boyfriend called my mom and sister. They drove me two hours away to the city to the hospital my sister worked at. She got me in to an inpatient facility. I was seen by a real psychiatrist this time, and he put me on Haldol (an antipsychotic) and anxiety meds.

I had strange days at the hospital. I didn't really know where I was. But the meds started kicking in, and they released me after ten days.

This was my first psychotic "break". But was it? Or was it something else? It all stems from my meditation. That's when it all started. Was I having a spiritual awakening? I still haven't decided.

After this first episode, I went through several pleasant years of my chakras "opening". I didn't take meds because I didn't think anything was wrong with me. It wasn't until years later that I started taking meds again, due to more bad experiences.

I've been taking meds for the last three to four years. I find it helps me deal with the energies I feel. It helps me function in life. Without meds I am a mess, and have trouble coping with life. I don't take care of myself, because there is no "time" when I'm off meds. Just the ever present now.

Whether it is a spiritual awakening or psychosis, I choose to stick with my medication. I want to be and feel normal. I want to be able to function on a daily basis.

I still have "hallucinations", whatever they are. Just not as much,and not every day. Most of my life is normal now. But I have my doubts. I still think the Universe is sending me messages. My doctor says meds don't always control all of the delusions and hallucinations. I just have to live with it and deal with it. I am doing better all the time.

I take it one day at a time. Some days are worse than others. Some days are great. I know this is my life now, and I have to live it.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)