ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Healing from Addiction in 12 Steps

Updated on April 26, 2015
Addiction stems from the pain of shame, most often modeled during childhood
Addiction stems from the pain of shame, most often modeled during childhood | Source

In church basements, college campuses and various meeting halls around the world, there are groups of adults of all ages and walks of life gathering together to face their pain. The pain is not new but raw all the same. These people have come to discover that they are addicts. Some of them are addicted to alcohol or drugs, some are addicted to helping others, these are called co-dependents, there are gambling addicts, shopping addicts, sex addicts; the types of addiction are wide but the cause is narrow. There is but one cause of addiction, and that is shame.

Somewhere at some time (most likely in childhood), irrevocable damage was done to the addict. This damage could be viewed as a crime of the soul; the soul is forced into hiding and effectively disappears. The offender has performed the greatest destruction of all, because his victim is left to live a life of infinite pain. On the surface the victim will still seem alive, they will breathe, walk, they may even laugh and smile, but below the surface the effects are insidious. There is one place where the pain will be transparent and this is in the eyes because “the eyes are the windows of the soul.”

This abuse of the soul can take place in a variety of ways. One way is through a barrage of verbal abuse, such as when a parent might say “you are so stupid” or “what is wrong with you?” Alternatively, it can be a more subtle use of language such as “why didn’t you get an A?” Physical abuse creates disdain for a person’s own body as does its wicked stepsister, sexual abuse. There can also be the kind of shame that the entire family shares in hiding. Shame and 'secrets' get handed down. Shame can also come from neglect. When a child is uncared for the child learns to see themselves as unworthy and so becomes ashamed of themselves. And our society reinforces many of the shaming messages that children receive at home. Society does so by setting rigid levels of expectation for children to perform to at school in order to simply feel worthy, including the tacit and verbal expectation that girls, in particular, look a certain way or otherwise be judged and ashamed of themselves. A shame they can carry for life. And a shame that can lead to any number of addictions.

Addiction serves to remedy the pain of shame, both temporarily and long term, by providing the person the illusion of escape through sources outside themselves, such as alcohol, drugs, sex and co-dependency among so many others.

These 'distractions' offer the addict an immediate, though ultimately, self abusing, escape from the pain. Alcohol and drugs are mind and mood altering, stimulating or numbing, while co-dependency is an escape because the person doesn’t have to really look at themselves, instead focusing on the lives of others. Though there are many commonly known addictions, there are other less obvious addictions, such as shopping, which serves as a distraction with the thrill of a new purchase followed by the low of wanting more and the return of feeling empty. Addictions also include workaholics and people addicted to making money at all costs. These too work as distractions from the incessant pain of shame.


Each baby, each human has the miracle of life within them. Addicts need to reconnect with this part of themselves.
Each baby, each human has the miracle of life within them. Addicts need to reconnect with this part of themselves. | Source

What most addicts fail to see, or fail to accept, is how precious they are, how beautiful and truly miraculous their existence is. They have essentially been brainwashed into believing that they are simply bad, flawed, a mistake or responsible for other people’s problems. The pain feels inescapable, but that is a distortion. They weren’t born this way; their early, formative experiences forced this view upon them. Each human being is a miracle, each no less magnificent than others. They were born with the miracle, deep inside them, an integral part of who they are, and can never be taken away, only given away. Learning to accept this is what 12 step programs are all about. It is not easy to arrive at the point in their lives where they are finally ready for the program, ready to trust and accept the program and the fellow members because of their past experiences, but 12 step programs have proven to be healing.

Working the twelve steps allows addicts to break the chains, the bondage of addiction, learning how to love themselves in ways that were never modeled for them. They learn to erase the negative mental tape that plays incessantly in their minds, telling them how awful they are. With truly working a 12 step program though, the addict can live each day, learning to take pleasure in life itself, slowly learning to acquire trust in a world that never seemed trustworthy. There is hope in this place, unlike the desperation they knew so well.

Recovering addicts receive medals to commemorate their adherence to the program
Recovering addicts receive medals to commemorate their adherence to the program | Source

The miracle for the addict is that although the soul may seem to have disappeared for good, it was merely in hiding, waiting for a safe place and time to come back out.

The message to the addict is: You are precious, there is hope, and you can be free.

© 2014 Tracy Lynn Conway

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Tracy Lynn Conway profile imageAUTHOR

      Tracy Lynn Conway 

      4 years ago from Virginia, USA

      Flourish,

      Thank you for your kind words!

      Carter,

      The shame causes the pain then the addiction works to numb the pain. While there is a genetic link to alchoholism, there is also a family dynamic of shame that goes along with it. 12 step programs work to face the pain of the shame and begin to heal from it. Having a genetic disposition is only one part of the equation, it provides a predisposition but not a cause.

      Thanks for commenting and sharing!

      DDE,

      Thank you of your supportive comment!

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Steps to heal from an addiction is a useful and informative hub it mus be difficult for the individual but worth a try.

    • carter06 profile image

      Mary 

      4 years ago from Cronulla NSW

      That's a powerful message you are sending to the addicted person there Tracy and def one they need to hear.. not sure about 'shame' being the only cause as personality and genetics surely have a part to play but shame for sure is a major player in determining the cause..I love the fact that you've reminded the addict just how 'precious 'they are, it's so terribly important..great hub..will def tweet & share..cheers

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      4 years ago from USA

      I hope your hub inspires those who need help. Well written.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)