Heaven Opened Its Doors for You
Well, hon, it's been over a week since losing you. I still can't get over the shock and disbelief of your death. It feels as if a part of me has been ripped out.
We've gone through the process of your memorial service and hundreds of people paid their respects to you. You were a wonderful man to so many. I watch the pain in your children's eyes, your mom's eyes, your siblings' eyes, and I just can't make sense of it all.
Now I know how Gerry felt after losing Linda. It is an indescribable grief that I wish no one ever had to go through. My emotions are all over the map. One minute I'm crying my eyes out; the next minute I'm smiling serenely, lost in fond memories of you.
You touched my life in a way that no one else ever has. You lifted my spirit and made it soar above every trial and tribulation I can think of. You made me feel good and worthy and loved. You healed my heart.
Someday, I want to be as good and kind and pure as you were while on this earth. You taught me lessons I promise I will never forget. You showed me what truly mattered in life, and you lived your life honestly, freely sharing your love with anyone who needed it. You were a giver always. You cared deeply how others felt and were always there to comfort them. God, how I admired you for the person you were. I felt truly blessed to be able to tell you every day that I loved you and accepted you completely for who you were. I know that my love for you made your heart sing inside too.
I do find some peace and comfort in knowing that you were a happy man when you died. I know that you got up that morning with the certainty that I would always love you, that your children would always love you, that your mom and brother and sister would always love you, and that the rest of your family and friends would always love you. You felt like the richest man in the world because you had everything that truly mattered to you.
The only regret you ever expressed to me is that you wished we had met sooner. You wanted us to have more time together. All I can say is that the love we shared in that short time was worth thousands of years of love ... and beyond. You gave me enough love to last for many, many lifetimes. I know it will sustain me as I travel the rest of this journey alone.
We are all connected. While we each suffer alone, our suffering over your loss is shared. Our memories of you are different but the same. Our love for you is boundless and forever connecting us ... each one a soul grieving and trying to comfort the other soul who is also grieving. It is an endless loop of support and love and tangible faith.
You left an incredibly beautiful legacy.
Whenever I feel sad or alone or afraid, I hear your gentle voice in my heart ... telling me not to be afraid because love will always lead us to the right place, the quiet calm of peace, acceptance, and understanding. Your love swirls around us as surely as the air we breathe ... we can't see it, but we know it's there.
You truly were the love of my life. I cannot fathom feeling safer, warmer, or more loved than when I was with you. It was no accident that we found each other because once found, love can never be lost again.
I now feel stronger and more at peace than I ever have in my life. There is no question that it's because of the unconditional love you gave me and the good things you saw in me that I thought had been lost forever. My heart hurts, yet it is not broken because you healed it.
I know it was your time to go. You had nothing else you needed to learn from this life. You have earned your place in heaven, sweetheart. I'll rub your feet when I get there.