Helpful Tips To Deal With Critical People
Why It's Not Ok To Be Critical
While it can be completely normal to criticize others once in a while, when we 'cross the line' and become constantly critical or resort to harshness, it becomes destructive.
I have a sister that means the world to me. But her critical and negative attitude keep our relationship from being all that it could be. It seems like the more positive I am, the more negative and critical she becomes. She doesn't even realize she's like this.
I think most of us have met people who are overly critical and wonder why they have this attitude. Such people rarely, if ever, encourage or compliment others. It just isn't within their nature. It's sad because critical people have a hard time maintaining friendships.
Billy Graham said that this type of attitude( being critical) is wrong because it is based on pride.
In other words, this is an attitude of " I think I'm better than you are. " And you can fill in the blanks with words like smarter, richer, prettier, more handsome, wiser, more successful and on and on. Nothing very humble about this kind of self-serving thinking.
When we are critical, instead of concentrating on our own faults we're preoccupied with the shortcomings of others. In fact most people who tear down other people rarely even admit to themselves that they may be wrong or make a mistake.
When you run into a person who is overly critical of others, just keep in mind that they are unhappy with themselves. And that unhappiness spreads it's projected state onto others. And try as you may, you cannot change their agenda.
Being critical is rude, negative, selfish, destructive, manipulating, discouraging and rarely justified.
Why People Are Critical In The First Place
Understanding why someone is being critical and intolerant is the first step and #1 tip to dealing with critical people. The ability to understand acts as a "buffer" between your immediate urge to react emotionally and to stop and think before you speak.
Another reason some people are so critical is they lack self-confidence and have low self-esteem. This may be hard to believe because they come across as a know-it-all but it's true. They overcompensate and become quite critical. If they can find something to find fault with in someone else, they feel better about themselves.
Critical people are usually angry people. They won't admit it either. Most people who are narcissistic have low levels of self esteem and need to cleverly be critical of others.
You'll also find that there is a great deal of 'jealousy of others' in a critical person. So keep this in mind. This type of person lives in a state of general unhappiness. They are longing for love but may not know it.
Are you beginning to see how you can deal with critical people knowing all this? I hope so because it's not really about us - it's about them.
A quote that comes to mind is "To the pure, all things are pure."
Help For Dealing With Critical and Controlling People
10 Helpful Tips For Dealing With Critical People
- Don't take the criticism personally. Remember it's not about you at all. It's about the one who is being critical.
- Control your temper and try not to get angry. Anger only fuels the fire and gives the other person more power. Once they learn how to "push your buttons" - they will do it again and again. You must stay in control at all times.
- Don't react and do not take part in an argument. It won't do any good at all. It's a game and you can make a choice not to play the game.
- To keep a person from getting under your skin, simply smile. Continue on with the conversation if you wish, but remain indifferent and don't get all flustered.This will help to put you in control and the person doing the criticizing will soon get the message and stop.
More Reading To Help Deal With Difficult Situations.
- About Using Hurtful Words Are Life Altering - Damaging - Plus Quotes
How words can penetrate the human soul teaches us the impact of even one word. Do we know how we come across to others? - http://vocalcoach.hubpages.com/_1ictfyqvgguwn/hub/Words-That-Penetrate-The-Human-Soul
- How to Cope With Being Blamed For Something You Didn't Do
Learn how to cope with being blamed for something you didn't do with new strategies for dealing with blamers. Discover the body language of liars and deception. Learn to identify NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Tips on what to do when it's n
- Don't be in a hurry to respond to criticism. By replying fast you give more power to that person. Sometimes it's even better not to reply at all. This leaves the other person wondering about what they've said and they even wonder if their comment was totally worthless.
- Don't try to defend yourself or your point of view when you do reply. By putting yourself in a defensive position you're stuck there and it's almost impossible to escape.
And this is a tough one, but you will grow in character as you practice doing this:
- Be kind to critical people. This may be the most challenging of all. Remind yourself often that they really do need to feel loved. Even if they reject it again and again.
Most of us are mirrors of how we feel about ourselves. We can't hide from our true belief system.
Which of These Quotes Do You Agree With?
- He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help. - Abraham Lincoln
- Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. - Benjamin Franklin
- Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
- I criticize by creation - not by finding fault. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
- You have to understand that people that are hurting are going to criticize. - George H. W. Bush
- Anyone can negatively criticize - it is the cheapest of all comment because it requires not a modicum of the effort that suggestion requires. - Chuck Jones
- And if you must criticize, think about this good quote by Mary Kay Ash .
"Criticize the act, not the person."
For A Happier Life Consider These 9 Actions
- Before you speak, listen.
- Before you write, think.
- Before you spend, earn.
- Before you invest, investigate.
- Before you criticize, wait.
- Before you pray, forgive.
- Before you quit, try.
- Before you retire, save.
- Before you die, give.
William Arthur Ward quotes (American dedicated scholar, author, editor, pastor and teacher)
In Conclusion ~
My Daddy always taught me not to gossip and to be kind when speaking to others. He'd say " Audrey June, if you can't say something nice to other people, then don't say anything at all. " I've always tried to live up to this teaching. I know there have been times when in the heat of the moment I've failed to do so.
The tone of the voice is another thing to watch when we correct someone. We may not set out to sound critical but the way we speak can come across as arrogant and critical.
As a teacher of The Performing Arts, I'm careful of the way I instruct others. I have my own set of principles about correcting students. I have avoided being harsh and critical at all cost.
I prefer to "guide" the student to analyzing the problem or mistake and correcting it immediately, thereby praising the singer, actor or pianist for their action. The reward becomes theirs - they own it and have succeeded. This builds a higher level of self-esteem.
One of the most difficult roles to be placed in and not use harshness and criticism is that of a director of a play or musical. I've worked in musicals all my life and have learned to appreciate how hard directors work.
I witnessed my own daughter, rusticliving, a respected director of musical theatre directing her cast in a rehearsal for her up-and-coming production of the musical "Clue." In each scene there were of course mistakes made of one kind or the other.
But never once did she embarrass any member of the cast by being critical. Yet she was able to make corrections which resulted in excellent results. How did she manage to accomplish this? Totally through humor. A wonderful, quick sense of humor is a gift and a great, soft way to replace harsh criticism. She is the supreme example of how to instill, teach and inspire and remain professional.
Change equals personal growth. Learning how to put this information into practice requires having an open mind as well as using these tips for self-training. Words are powerful and can inspire or destroy. Begin now to honor yourself first and then you'll know how to honor your fellowmen.
Handling Criticism Poll
How do you handle criticism?
© 2013 Audrey Hunt
Comments
AUTHORrajan
Me too! In the past I would take a nose dive with these people. I just ignore them now with this message "Don't let the door hit'cha where the good Lord split'cha!" :)
Nice tips. These people are suffering from some sort of inferiority complex and not only do I not react, I try to avoid them as much as possible.
- AUTHOR
Lovely C - My apologies for the delay in acknowledging your good comments. I agree, that dealing with critical people can be a daily task which is why I choose to ignore them. It's not easy to do when one of your family members has a negative attitude. Thanks so much for enjoying my hub.
oh beautifully made...
dealing with critical people seems like a daily task we have to do..ans yes i can definitely relate to your experience of having a sister with such attitude...
- AUTHOR
Melinda Longoria
How wonderful to see you here Melinda. Thank you for your enthusiasm over my hub. I've had tons of experience dealing with critical people . It's important to me to help others with this. I appreciate your vote and sharing. And I like hearing about the 'tall poppy syndrome.' Enjoy your day and I'll see you soon. - Audrey
This is an excellent hub! Voted up & shared. The vlog says if you listen to your critics, you'll never accomplish anything in life. This is so true! - He also brings out the tall poppy syndrome where people try to cut you down when you are excelling at something. I've never heard of this scenario before but that is so true. I really believe that people who are overly critical are suffering from some sort of disease of the mind. - Like you said, they are usually angry people. Your advise of staying in control is so useful when dealing with those who constantly tear us down. I'm looking forward to more of your writing. Great hub! Sincerely, Mel
- AUTHOR
Thank you Deepak!
Good and informative.
- AUTHOR
Hi Jodah - Love your comments. My sister, unfortunately is a "One-up Queen." Regardless of what I have done, be it eating, performing, exercising - she's always done it better or more often than I have. Our entire conversations are 'all about her.' I feel bad that she's this way - I love her so. Thanks for being here Jodah. You're such a marvelous person! ~ Audrey
This is a wonderful hub Audrey, full of great information for dealing with serial criticisers. As you say they are usually insecure and trying to hide it in the only way they know how. It is usually the things they dislike about themselves that they criticize about others. I just read a hub with a similar theme about "One-up Kings", people who have always done things better or more often them you, so there seems to a message in this for us all. Voted up.
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FayPax - Thank you so much. Appreciate your comments.
fpherj48 - Hello, my friend and true supporter. Humor is right up there in my book. I've added it to the 10 Commandments - "Thou shall find humor in all things." I mean no disrespect.
My grandkids asked me "Grandma, when are you going to get married again?" I answer them, "when I can find a man with a better since of humor than I."
I really believe humor is the glue that holds a relationship together.
I love your father with his since of humor and I laughed reading his quote. Be proud of the gift you have, because humor is a gift
Enjoy your Thanksgiving ~ Hugs
I mustn't miss any more hubs, especially those written by my favorite people. I've resigned myself to knowing I shall be playing "catch-up" for the balance of my life. Have fallen behind in EVERYTHING. Lord, give me strength.
Critical people, now there's a group I don't choose to catch up with! They certainly are a challenge. However, you see, beautiful Audrey....this is why God created women like me & your talented daughter....who choose to have "fun" with criticism & perhaps negative critics, as well. HUMOR.... is the greatest gift/blessing I was given and I use it on each and every occasion I possibly can.
BTW.....My Dad said something similar to what your Dad told you....except because he too used humor 95% of the time, he purposely would give a popular quote, his own little twist....."Listen kid, if ya can't say anything nice about someone....have a little pity on the poor jerk!" See what I mean....impossible to really know what that means. There was no hope for me at birth. Destined to be a wiseguy quipper from day one!.........but, at least I rarely hurt someone's feelings!...........Have a great Thanksgiving, you sweet thing. UP+++
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Shona - I like the way you choose to limit your time with negative and critical people, including family. I agree that this works wonders. Thank you for sharing this. Enjoy your day! ~ Audrey
Such inspiring words to live by, vocalcoach. I have found that if a particular person continues to be negative and critical towards hubby or myself, we choose to severely limit the time spent in their company, even if it is a family member. This has been one of the best ways to eliminate a great deal of negativity from our lives :-) voted up.
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Kathleen Kerswig - This is excellent advice from your friend. I will certainly practice this in the future. Thanks so much. - Audrey
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tammy - I have often wondered if critical people honestly realize how painful their words are. In the past I've tried to give them the benefit of the doubt. The more I study this behavior, the more convinced I am that they know exactly what they're doing and that they have no plan to change. How sad that is. Thanks tammy. - Audrey
- AUTHOR
Kathleen - I will get this book and thanks for suggesting it. Really eager to read it. Jealousy is such a destructive feeling. I
I've 'down played' my successes and even myself just to please her. I am through playing that game. Thank you Kathleen for your comments. Negativity is truly a virus. Take care. ~ Audrey
There is a wonderful book, "The Gift of the Blessing." It offers suggestions for how to deal with family members who are supposed to bless you, but instead hurt you. I highly recommend it to you. It deals with setting healthy boundaries and how to ensure you don't do the same harm to your children.
I have in-laws that consist of six women who like to play "Who can say the most negative thing first." You are right that this behavior is rooted in jealousy and insecurity. For years I tried to smile and ignore, but now we have a new generation of young women coming up and I feel compelled to try to protect them from catching this "virus of negativity." Your suggestions may help. Thanks.
I hope critical people will read this. I don't think people realize how painful their words are. Very moving hub!
I have a good friend who taught me the following: I don't have to go to every fight I'm invited to! I had never thought of that before and ever since she told me this I have learned to avoid many scenarios that could have turned into big confrontations. Thanks for sharing!
- AUTHOR
mckbirdbks - How are you my friend? A magical smile always appears on my face when I see that you have made a visit to my hub :) And yes, there are days when my own "Tony Soprano" surfaces too.
Thank you so much for being here and sending you a big hug!
Hello Audrey. I am sure glad you wote, "Helpful Tips To Deal with Critical People", my version is more Tony Soprano in nature. lol Very wise information you provide here. Much can be learned by heeding your words.
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Deepak Chaturvedi - Welcome to my hub on critical people. It's most sad that those who are so critical sometimes do not realize how much their words hurt others. I'm glad you read this and left me comments. I welcome you back to read this again. Blessings to you!
- AUTHOR
midget38 - Oh, thank you my friend from Singapore. I'm glad you read my hub and commented to. May your day be beautiful :)
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Dear Sueswan - I'm touched and pleased that you have found this inspiring. That is what I wanted. I really appreciate your voted up and more along with the sharing. And, I will make this a very good day if you do the same :)
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Peggy W - Thanks so much for sharing your good thoughts on critical people.
And oh, how right you are in saying that even though they may be insecure, it does not justify their actions. (I needed to hear that.) Thank you for voting up, useful and for pinning. I do appreciate this!
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Jackie - Well, looks like we both are dealing with the very same "know-it-all" personalities. Like you, I too have tried forever too help her to always be there for her. But no more! Her "poison spreads" and the toxic words and attitude are simply not worth it anymore. It's such a shame and a big waste. Thanks so much Jackie for sharing your comments. Do have a wonderful day now:)
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drbj - I'm so impressed that you've added body language. Nice of you to mention this important point. Thanks for noticing the pointing finger! Enjoy your day :)
- AUTHOR
Aloha Joe - Thank you for noticing the photographs. And yes, they are me and my daughter Lisa. I'm trying to use photos that are my own as much as possible. I like to think it adds a personal touch to the topic. Thank you for commenting about this. Enjoy your day - Aloha!
Audrey
- AUTHOR
Dear Bobbi - Gee, it's so nice to see you. And I feel like you do about negative people - don't have the time or energy for them. And the negativity just sucks up the positive (or tries too.) The thing is, we'd like to help these negative people but we can't. They really don't want to be helped.
You are such a wonderful, positive person - just the kind I like! I'm so lucky to have you in my life. Keep spreading your positive energy around and thanks so much Bobbi, my dear friend!
It is a good hub about the persons who critize us still they need our help to overcome from their problem. Thanks to share. I would like to comeback and read it again.
Solid, solid write, Audrey. I so agree, and being negative and angry too gives a person more power. Thanks for sharing this!!
Hi Audrey,
"Words are powerful and can inspire or destroy." Thank you for your inspiring words.
Voted up +++ and sharing
Have a good day. :)
This is such a great hub and will shed some light on how to deal with people who often use criticism as a tool. It is true that they are probably most often insecure and are hurting, but that does not justify their actions. They are difficult people to be around. Using humor is a great tool! Up, useful and pinning this.
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ananceleste - Very wise comments. There is nothing more damaging to the spirit than harsh criticism. Hurtful, destructive words last for a lifetime. I hope that those who feel the need to frighten others with their dark, belittling attitude will come across this hub and think about changing their ways. Hugs to you!
- AUTHOR
KK Gals - Oh, how true it is. The more positive we are the more frustrated and angry critical people become. ( I do this too. :) And you're on the right track by avoiding these kinds of people. So thankful for your comments, the Up vote and awesome rating. And sharing makes me so happy!
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QudsiaP1 - Thanks so much and very glad you liked the quotes. Take care!
- AUTHOR
Kosmo - Your point is well taken and so important to practice. When we become defensive, angry and retaliate, it only 'feeds' the one being so critical.
Thanks so much!
- AUTHOR
DDE - Hi there. How right you are! There are so many kinds of criticism sifting through word upon word, we have to deal with it in our own way. For me it helps to know what the underlying cause for hurting others stems from.
I'm glad to see you here and appreciate you remarks and support. Thank you.
- AUTHOR
Dear Happyboomernurse ~ It is always a gift to me when I see your name come up on my hub. Your comments always leave me inspired. Hearing that you liked the photos and personal experiences gives me such a lift.
When I'm faced with a critical person, I just want to reach out, give them a hug and let them know they are loved. Unfortunately in today's society this isn't always possible and adding to that, people would think I'm quite nuts. :)
Thank you Gail for the vote up across the board and for sharing. Hub Hugs and Love right back atcha' ! Audrey
Ah, my sister who is older is like that too. I have tried for so many years to be close to her but now have given up. Since Mom passed away it just doesn't seem worth the effort because she is always going to know it all, too old to change her now. No one can stand someone like this for very long, too bad they can never see that. Great write. ^
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Dear Larry - I'm so glad to find you here and appreciate your thoughts. It's helpful to take a look at a different perspective. I do understand how you would be looking for a viable alternative and how that could be construed as being negative even though it's not.
And yes, those who criticize just to be right or bring others down need to be stopped. Hopefully some of my suggestions will help toward that end, Thank you again Larry for sharing such good thoughts here. Enjoy your day! Audrey
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Marilyn Kee - The sooner we practice applying these tips, the easier it will become. I wish This information was taught to me in my younger years. Much heartache would have been saved. Thank you Marilyn.
- AUTHOR
ChitrangadaSharan - "The best arguments are won by not starting them in the first place." What wisdom you've shared here and it's so simple! Reacting to criticism doesn't solve anything does it? Thank you so much for reading and leaving your helpful comments. Enjoy your day!
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Mhatter99 - Thank you for sharing your strategy with us. Seems like a pretty good solution. And BTW, just want to mention how much I enjoy your Limericks!
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marcoujor - Thank you for sharing the quote by Mary Kay as you learned it in management. It is such a wise way to be and truly a "pearl of wisdom." I wish every parent and teacher would apply this - what an incredible difference it would make. I'm not surprised to find that you use this approach in your own life when it's needed.
You are one of the finest people I have ever known and although I have only connected with you here on HP, I feel that connection strongly. Oh, how I would love to reach out and give you a warm hug. This is how I feel about people I meet and respect here on HP. I so appreciate your kind words and votes. Yes, you are a treasure. Love, Audrey
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vespawoolf - Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here on criticism. Yes, rusticliving is my babygirl. I'm really pleased to have her on hubpages. Her "mom hubs" are hilarious :) Have a wonderful day!
- AUTHOR
CyberShelley - Thank you for sharing your great example here. I'm sure many will learn a valuable lesson from your story. And thanks for the vote up, interesting and useful!
Excellent information, Audrey, about critical people and how to handle criticism. In addition to their words and their tone, their body language can inflame us. Look at that first photo. That pointing finger would disturb even the most reasonable person. Thanks for these sensible reminders.
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Hello John - Very nice to see you here. I like what you have said about pride and you are spot on! I thank you for sharing this wisdom. It helps to deal with critical people when we understand the causes lying deep within. Thank you for the vote up. May your day be filled with good surprises! ~ Audrey
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billybuc - I love it! " I give them one chance to change and then they are out of my life." Amen, my friend! You've said it all and I'm right there with you. I've lived through enough criticism to last a lifetime. I don't play that sick game anymore. Thanks by friend. Big hugs to you and Bev!
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Pamela99 - I'm with you. I also choose to stay as far away as I can from negative people. I don't like "giving my energy away" when I can re-fuel my energy with positive, kind people. You have shared some good thoughts!
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ishwaryaa22 - I certainly appreciate your comments. It's easy to love sweet and kind people. But critical folks really need love to. It's a challenge to remember that when someone is yelling at you but it's necessary. Thanks for sharing and rating my hub as useful and awesome!
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Will, my friend! I hadn't thought of it this way but now that you mention it, yes - criticism is absolutely a way to control others. Loving criticism is a class that all harsh and demeaning people should be required to enroll in. Thanks Will!
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Dear Faith - I love those sticky notes you used when your children were teenagers. Critical people have a very brief relationship with me as I simply choose to dismiss them from my life (when I can.) :) Not worth the time and energy it takes to deal with them. Thanks much for your great comments my friend and the generous votes and shares. Enjoy your day ~ Audrey
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Dear Chatkath - So magnificent to see you my friend. I hope all is well with you. Thank you for your kind words and for using my name which touches my heart. (Audrey June). I hope your day is as wonderful as you are :) ~ Audrey June
Your words of experience and wisdom are music to my ears Audrey June. I simply love your Fathers advice, no doubt contributing to the incredible person you are. Voted up. A wealth of knowledge my dear friend. Thank you for sharing!
Audrey, so many wonderful and talented writers have hit on the main points, so I'll ask an off the wall question--were the models in the photographs you and your daughter, Lisa? If so, that was a precious choice! Thank you for sharing!
Aloha!
Joe
Hi Dear Lady,
I am sure we all have this sort of negative person in our life. I have one also, but I will not let this person rain on my parade nor do I spend very much time around her.
She can be nice one minute and rude the next---so I rise above it all and change the subject.
I do not have time for negativity in my life---because we only live once and I am planning to enjoy it as much as possible.
You are always the best in helping with any of life’s issues and I am your number 1 fan. Thanks for this hub.
Your Friend,
Bobbi Purvis
Beautifully written and certainly timely. Lots of people could use this advice these days. :)
What a gem! criticism is like a hammer, it can be a weapon to destroy or a tool to build a person. Is a huge responsibility that few people take seriously. For most critical people is almost like breathing, it just comes out. Disregarding the feelings of others as expendable.
An angry remark can belittle a human being, but an exhortation to be the best you can be is better. Because of my upbringing, I know the damage that can cause. Words are worst than sticks and stones, they don't brake your bones but they maim your soul. Thanks for sharing this hub. Hopefully both sides will benefit from it. Blessings!
I spend my time being positive and up. I have found that it drives the overly critical people crazy. :) I guess in a round about way it's a way of getting back. I try to stay away from negativity, I can't always but try. Excellent article. I do agree that constructive criticism is a positive, but becoming overly critical is detrimental. Up, awesome (you did a wonderful job), and sharing.
Brilliantly written, I absolutely loved the quotes.
Very good article! Dealing with critical people or, as I like to describe them - people who are too critical. After all, a little constructive criticism can be a force for harmony and good. Anyway, certainly the way to fend off people who are critical is to not become defensive, angry or retaliate. But you already know that. Later!
There are so many kinds of people one interacts with that it is not easy to cope with critical people just about everyone has their own ways in commenting and in criticism. Some can leave others thoughtless after conversations, they say things to hurt others. Good points here and so true.
Hi Audrey,
This hub is full of wisdom, compassion and practical suggestions for dealing with criticism.
I particularly liked the photo series and the way you used personal experience to illustrate your points.
What you said in the following paragraph most closely matches my own method of dealing with critical people: "When you run into a person who is overly critical of others, just keep in mind that they are unhappy with themselves. And that unhappiness spreads it's projected state onto others. And try as you may, you cannot change their agenda."
Am voting this hub up across the board except for funny, and sharing it.
Sending Hub Hugs and Love,
Gail
You presented a very important subject and explored important aspects. I think the secret is to question or suggest alternatives when you do not agree with someone.
I am viewed as a negative person because I ask the what if questions all the times. "Let's plan a picnic," someone will say. I will say, "All right, but what do we do if it rains." Some people think I am looking for a reason to criticize when actually I am just looking for a viable alternative in case it does rain.
However, I know you are addressing the issues of people who criticize just for the purpose of criticizing. They either want to be the one that is right, or they just enjoy taking cheap shots at other people. We all deal with that time in our lives. Your Hub offers a very good insight into that issue.
Well done,
Larry
Such a good idea. Should start applying all these to my life from today onwards. Great hub, should be shared!
Excellent hub!
In everyday life, we come across such critical people, so often. Your suggestions are so practical and worth following. The best arguments are won by not starting them in the first place. Those having a critical nature are unhappy, dissatisfied and lack in self confidence. We should understand and have sympathy for them, rather than react to their behavior.
Thanks for sharing! Voted up and shared!
Thank you for this. Let me share one of my strategies. As an egotist, I plan my mistakes. This gives critics a controlled arena. Everyone is happy. I learned this in freemasonry.
- AUTHOR
Dearest Martie - I'm so very grateful for every word you've shared here. I hope everyone who visits this hub will read your comments - especially this part - "Action incites reaction. So we, in the shoes of a critic’s target, must keep in mind that our actions incite reaction. We have to find a way to provoke positive reactions, disabling the critic’s sharp, instinctive sting"
What an expressive, truthful and extremely helpful comment to share. I wish I would have written this. So grateful you were inspired to do so.
All my life I sat back and took criticism because I learned to take it as a child. I couldn't even go to sleep at night until I went before my mother and father asking for forgiveness for anything that I had done wrong during the day. This is how guilty I felt day in and day out. Yet I was a sweet and loving little girl always wanting to be the peace-maker.
That little girl still exists today. I often wonder if I had lived in a non-critical environment growing up, if I would still find harsh criticism offensive and hurtful today?
These tips are perhaps the most difficult to carry out when confronted by a critical person. I know they work, as I've tried a few. But, oh heavens, it takes so much self-control and patience.
Martie, if you get the chance, please pick up 2 books that changed my life forever. The author is Miguel Ruiz and his books are "The Four Agreements" (read this one first) and "The Voice of Knowledge." These come in paperback and I swear by them.
You are a gem Martie - Hugs and Thanks!
Dear Audrey,
One of the signs of an excellent hub is the quality of comments it attracts.
This is indeed an excellent, wise and inspiring piece of writing. I love your Daddy's philosophy, your daughter's light but respectful approach and all of the quotes you selected.
The version of Mary Kay's quote that I was taught in management is:
" Be hard on the issue, not the person"
That pearl of wisdom worked. I still use it sparingly in my personal life.
Voted UP and UABI. Love, Maria
What a beautiful Hub! It is helpful to understand what's behind criticism so we can react correctly to it. The hardest thing for me to is to smile and not defend myself--that does just add wood to the fire. I didn't realize that rusticliving is your daughter! Thanks so much for sharing.
I liked Abraham Lincoln's quote. I once had two extremely critical and difficult women bring two of our committee members to tears. I approached them later in the car park and said "Instead of criticising and complaining about what you don't like, why don't you join us and make the changes from the inside?" When they realised I was serious, they joined us and worked selflessly for four years. Voted up, interesting and useful.
Great and informative article.
Yes, you mentioned pride - wealthier, better looking, wiser, etc - I think it's important to note that oftentimes 'critical people' are actually not these things. I find that critical people are actually the opposite and, it's usually less pugnacious individuals that are actually more successful! Voted up!
Take care
John
I will share with you how I deal with critical people....I give them one chance to change and then they are out of my life.
I do not have enough time on this earth to waste on negativity and unkind actions.....that may sound harsh but it is the truth as I see it in my life.
Great suggestions as always, Audrey.
Have a wonderful Sunday!
love always,
bill
I have certainly lived some critical people, and yes it hurt sometimes. I love all your quotes and suggestions. We can choose not to react. I have used the expression, "I'm sorry you feel that way," and just walked off. I think pride is part of it for some and low self esteem for others, as they seem to need to build themselves up by putting others down. I really try to stay away from negative people. Misery is an option and not one I choose. Excellent hub on an important topic. Voted Up % more!
A wonderful reminder! My parents taught me to be kind and tactful to others. I understand that those who are critical due to suffering from low self-esteem. Critical people often find satisfaction in criticizing others. Yes, you are right that they need love. Once again, a thought-provoking hub! My favorite quote is the last one by William Arthur Ward. Well-done!
Thanks for SHARING. Useful & Awesome. Voted up & shared
Lots of people use criticism to control others. All abusers use it to belittle and demean those they abuse, making them easier to control.
There is such a thing as loving and constructive criticism, of course and it's usefully employed all the time by our teachers.
Great Hub, Audrey!
Dear Audrey,
Excellent hub here as to our daily challenge of dealing with critical people and trying not to react to such! This is very helpful to understand that the critical person is suffering from low self-esteem and possibly other ailments.
Yes, the one thing that God does hate for sure is pride, as we are, as you said, making ourselves "God" over others. And we know what comes after that pride, a big fall from grace!!!
When my children were teenagers and I would hear them talking on the phone about another person, I would later place little sticky notes on their bathroom mirror with quotes from scripture, and my favorite one about gossip is: "A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends." --Proverbs 16:27
I would just use the " . . . a gossip separates close friends." And how true is that fact!
Really useful hub here that all should read to keep the peace! I love the quote, "Criticize the act, not the person."
Voted up ++++ and sharing
God bless, Faith Reaper
My ex, not at all unhappy with himself, had a critical and negative attitude. The scars he had imposed on me and my children are indelible and forever sensitive. This attitude is merely a bad habit, based on pride, yes, while pride is based on egoism. Audrey, you have stressed this perfectly: “Being critical is rude, negative, selfish, destructive, manipulating, discouraging and rarely justified.”
Critical people are beyond redemption until Life knocks them down.
Although one will never guess that this could be true, and least of all the person with the critical attitude, the reasons you have given for their behaviour are SPOT-ON!
Your tips are the best, but oh, so very-very difficult to practice in the presence of a critical person.
I, too, was at a time a critical person towards a specific person in a certain environment. Remembering my behavior makes me miserable with shame and regret. But this also serves as an eye-opener. Action incites reaction. So we, in the shoes of a critic’s target, must keep in mind that our actions incite reaction. We have to find a way to provoke positive reactions, disabling the critic’s sharp, instinctive sting.
What a tall order!
"Criticize the act, not the person," is my favourite quote.
Audrey, my siblings and I were also indoctrinated with those words of your daddy, and still I have slipped in an environment where criticizing was the only tool I could use to achieve an important goal.
Your relationship with your daughter, including your admiration for her, is absolutely remarkable, and I can proudly and gratefully say that my daughter and I have the same.
I am linking this hub of yours to mine with the same theme.
Sorry for the enormous comment, my dear Audrey, but this is one of those topics that boils like a volcano in my soul. It needs only one word to explode....
Hugs to you and yours :)
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