The World's Best High Fat Foods

Seven years ago, a 16-year-old teenage American girl sat amongst a group of Japanese businessmen in a swanky restaurant in the Osaka Ritz Carlton. To top off an already indulgent feast, the chef served the diners with large, glistening steaks of Kobe beef, one of the most expensive, tender, and fatty cuts of meat known to Planet Earth.

Positively transported by the influx of awesomeness afforded by this rich delicacy, the girl polished off her 9-oz portion in about two minutes flat. The impressed (horrified?) businessmen quickly passed on their portions to her, which she joyfully accepted.

In just 15 minutes' time, the girl consumed around 1,814 calories, 136 of which were fat (226% of the recommended daily amount) and 53 of which is saturated (265% of the recommended amount). And that was just from the meat portion of the meal. How did she feel? Frickin' AWESOME.

As you might have guessed, that girl was me. And while today I may be a vegetarian and eat little more than roughage and healthy rabbit food, I have a greater appreciation for fatty food than you could ever imagine. Let us therefore explore the world's most fatty foods and revel in their hideous, sexy, indulgent deliciousness.

As you're about to discover, many of the world's most fabulous high fat foods are round in shape. Onion rings are an excellent example. These batter-dipped and deep fried masterpieces first emerged in the 21st century, making them relatively new to the League of High Fat Foods.

As far a health goes, onion rings cannot be all that bad, right? They are, after all, comprised of all-natural onions, plus they're, low in sugar and cholesterol. That said, one portion of onion rings (about 8-9) contains about 16 grams of fat (that's 24% of the recommended daily value), 7 of which is saturated (coming out to 35% of the recommended daily value). Caloriecount gives onion rings a nutrition grade of D+. Ouch!

Pizza is yet another, much loved (and round!) high fat food. Most pizzas, being host to a variety of cheeses, are known for being relatively high in fat, but deep dish pizzas reign supreme, fat-wise.

Also known as chicago-style pizza, these pie-like masterpieces enable one to layer a seriously significant amount of cheese and other delicious ingredients, including meat, butter-infused tomato sauces, more meat, and (well, whatever) vegetables. Because deep dish pizza crusts are more pie-like, they are also more likely to contain butter and/or lard, which contributes to a higher fat factor. Win!

This style of delicious, fattening pizza was first developed by Pizzeria Uno in 1943. The chain still exists today, and on one's site, one can discover just how fattening their beautiful pies are. Just one individual-sized Chicago Classic deep dish pizza contains a whopping 2310 calories, 165 grams of fat (that's 255% of the daily recommended amount), 54 of which are saturated fat (that's 270% of the daily recommended value). Mind you, an "individual sized" pizza is said to have three servings. But when I order an "individual" pizza, I eat the whole thing. Well done, Chicago-style pizzas. Well done.

Eating a stick of butter is gauche. Eating a deep fried stick of butter on a stick, however, is trendy. Political even.

This fattening snack made a comeback in the summer of 2011 at the Iowa State Fair, where is practically got more coverage than the various Republican presidential candidates who were expected to be the main subjects of debate.

This particular iteration of the snack consists of an eighth of a pound of butter dipped in a cinnamon and honey-infused batter and then deep fried. The final fried stick is glazed, and wen one bites into it, one discovers that all of the butter inside has melted. At $4.00, it's a steal in today's economy.

The Daily Mail estimates the Iowa State Fair deep fried stick of butter to contain over 400 calories and more than 45 grams of fat. Just 1/8 of a pound of butter actually contains about 405 calories and 45 grams of fat (29 of which is saturated), so with the added batter and oil in which the butter is fried, the deep fried butter on a stick will contain significantly more calories than that!

Even more popular than the deep fried stick of butter is the deep fried Twinkie, which many argue actually tastes quite good (not saying that the deep fried butter doesn't taste good, but it does produce quite a greasy mess).

The process of deep frying a Twinkie is actually more complicated than you might imagine. The Twinkie must first be frozen before it is dipped in batter an fried away. Much like its stick-of-butter sibling, the battered and fried Twinkie snack was introduced at a State Fair- the Texas one in this case.

While one Twinkie (sans the deep frying process) is relatively harmless (just 150 calories), a deep fried Twinkie hefts about around 425 calories, and the King-Size version of this indulgent dessert contains a whopping 700 calories and 44 grams of fat. Yowza!

If we're going to talk about deep fried confectionary treats, we must give a shout-out to one that is deep fried from the start. Donuts have been a beloved high fat food for quite some time (The first recipe for mentioning donuts was from an 1803 publication, and other accounts trace these greasy cakes' origins to 1847).

The caloric and fat content of donuts varies widely depending on size, type, and filling, but a simple, standard, glazed cake donut from Dunkin' Donuts contains 360 calories, 22 grams of fat, and 10 grams of saturated fat. Not bad!

Fried potatoes are an obvious contender amongst the prestigious League of High Fat Foods. They're delicious, fried, and salty. What's more, since any self-respecting fried potato is deep fried twice, they offer a double punch!

Just as Chicago-style deep dish pizza is the ultimate high fat iteration of the high fat pizza category, duck fat fries are the ultimate high fat ambassadors of the high fat world. Most potatoes are fried in vegetable oil. One tablespoon (14 grams) of vegetable oil contains 124 calories, 14 grams of fat, and just one gram of saturated fat. One tablespoon of duck fat contains a leaner 115 calories, and just 13 grams of fat, but 4 grams of saturated fat, making it a much "better" option for fat-loving fry eaters. Gourmet types can't get enough of the stuff.

At any rate, a medium (134 gram) serving of fries (blessed by duck fat, vegetable oil, or beef tallow) can be expected to bring in 427 calories, 22 grams of fat, and 5.3 grams of saturated fat.

It is difficult for me to eat good macaroni and cheese without making particularly indecent sounds of pleasure. This is one of the most heavenly, wonderful, indulgent, and delicious fatty foods on the planet.

Obviously the fat and caloric content of mac and cheese will vary depending on the types of cheeses and milks and other ingredients one uses... but all of the best mac and cheese recipes start with a butter, cream and flour-based roux to which cheese (preferably high-fat cheddar, plus other delicious and warm cheeses, such as gruyere) is added. All of this is ideally baked under a dusting of more cheese, plus pan-fried (in more butter) crispy breadcrumbs.

Any self-respecting serving of mac and cheese will top 500 calories, and have around 30 grams of fat (and around 15 grams of saturated fat). Outback Steakhouse's "Mac-a-roo & Cheese" seems to have a respectable amount of all factors considered: 664 calories, 30 grams of fat, and 17 grams (that's 86% of the daily recommended value) of saturated fat.

This article would be egregiously incomplete without a respectful ode to bacon, one of the world's favorite fatty foods.

Perhaps the most popular high fat type of bacon is "American-style" bacon, which consists of strips prepared from pork belly, which is streakier and fattier than bacon procured from the side or loin. That said, the fattiest cut of bacon one could possibly obtain is fatback- one of two back cuts. It consists almost entirely of fat. Mmm.

One ounce of fatback contains around 25 grams of fat, 9 grams of which are saturated. As a standard (and modest at that) meat serving size is three ounces, one could easily expect to absorb 75 grams of fat and 27 grams of saturated fat from a dainty serving of this heavenly meat.

I hope that, by simply reading this overview, you feel as though you're about to slide into a food coma. Or vomit. Or run to the nearest restaurant and start chowing down like a madman.

What is the most fattening, rich, disgusting thing you have ever eaten? How did it taste and what did you feel like afterward? Share your story in the comments.

I'll leave you with an installment of YouTube's famous Epic Mealtime series in which Your Gentle Author makes a brief (if embarrassing) cameo appearance.

May your arteries clog and rot in Hell.