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Hodge Podge: Thoughts That Taste Like Chicken?

Updated on November 2, 2008

I don't know exactly what to write, but I feel the need to write.

I feel that I have much to say, but I guess I have no clue what I am trying to say. I guess we'll both find out, what scrambled in my brain, burning in my soul and being delivered trough my fingers as I type along.

I guess first off, this paragraph may be more of an message to someone who may or may not be able to read it. As well as an open forum for those who read my endless mindless meanderings of mental gunk. Usually most of the blogs I do write are off-the-cuff and I am clueless to what is going to come out of them until inspiration dissolves. I must admit I'm shocked at what the final out come is. Damn it, back to the message at hand. I don't know, I guess the world and life I live in is not the norm. From what I have found and learned from so many. I grew and still believe that no matter what your family is always there to support, love and care about you. I come from a very tight and close-knit family. We all know that no matter what the family is a safety net. We are there to support, protect, and we will do whatever it takes for each other. I grew up and still believe in strong family values, and strong lines of communication. Also I know that my family is quite contagious, from the moment you meet them you are sucked in the vortex and you are part of the family, no one is ever a stranger. From the moment you walk in the door you get the feeling you've been around us all your life. Such a mix of people, personalities, and life experiences you feel an instant connection. Anyway, for so long, and so many years I thought this was the norm. I thought all families carried the same dynamic and no matter what family was just that unconditional, loving, funny, and guarranteed. To this day, I am still amazed at the people I know or meet that don't have a family core for strength, and support. I am amazed at how so many have to brave this world, and face everything virtually alone. further more I don't understand, in some people's cases, that their own families are the stumbling blocks on their own paths. Not to have the assurance of knowing that someone is always there for you no matter what must be incredibly tough. For those of you who must do this my hat is off to you. Lastly on this subject, those who make the dicision never to have contact or completely cut all family ties, that must have been one of the toughest things to do. To disown your own blood for the sake of your own well being...I could never imagine.

Two weeks ago a very dear friend growing up, decided he couldn't go on anymore. The father found his son's body. This friend of as it was put so gentlely had the same disease as his mother. He had good days and bad days; that day the pain was too much for him to bare. Medically he did have a chronic disease, but he also had a deeper diease. One that his family would talk about, kept as a dark family secret. The disease that ultimately took this kind, gentle and truly great person could have been avoided if it wasn't kept secret and if they would have helped him seek out the help and treatment he so badly needed. Instead he had to find relief from the pain in the final solution in the barrel of a .45. We are as sick as the secrets not only that we keep, but also the secrets that our families keep for us as well. Maybe the family is afraid what "others" may think or how this may affect their "status" in this world. All I know is that no father should have to find their son(or daughter) the way this friend of mine was found. I'm sure in hind sight be 20/20 that this friend of mine's father wishes he would have done more. IF YOU DO NEED HELP CALL SOMEONE OR CALL A HELP LINE:

Some Wellness Resources (because I care)

The National Hope Line Network: 1-800-SUICIDE(1-800-784-2433)

USA: 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673): Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network

USA: 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233): National Domestic Violence Hotline

USA Bulimia and Self-Help 24-hour Crisis Hotline

Phone number: 1-314-588-1683

USA Self-Injury Help by S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends)

Phone number: 1-800-DONT-CUT (1-800-366-8288)

National Eating Disorders Association (International treatment referrals and info)

Phone number: 1-800-931-2237

There are better solutions, and answers out there. There people who truly care, if you give them a chance. Yes, sometimes your family is the road paved with good intensions. Sometimes they are doing the best they can, and they think that they are helping you; even when you know they are not handling the situation the way it needs to be handled. Remeber they do love you, they are scared, and they don't know what to do either. Maybe together the collective whole, may be able to work through it all, with a little outside help that knows and understands the what everyone is going through. Maybe outside help that unstands the fear, frustration, the secrets and love that is breaking the hearts of the entire involced family.

Well like I said I never know where all this was going to start, finish or the exact nature of this blog. Judging by the title I would have never thought it would lead to this subject or matter. Of course, I would have never thought so many people that I know would have to fall so far into the darkness. Especially when the brass ring is just so barely out of reach, and it could be grabbed by anyone who is willing just to stretch just a little bit more. Please reach out your hand and reach, stretch...pick up that phone- listen for the brass ring on the other end find support, a better solution and a better way of life. Finally come to understand there is a better way of life, feel free. You never have to feel the pain, or hurt inside ever again, with just a little help.

If you can't reach the brass ring by yourself...there are strength in numbers, get someone- anyone involved. Let their arms be long enough to grab the brass ring for you. Help is everywhere...IF YOU ASK FOR IT.



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